'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

Tiddlywinks

geri1965 wrote: »

I don't think she's ever been bothered about having a committed partner, she just loves having kids. That's why she did the fostering as hers started growing up.

She was a bit worried at one point about the lack of a male role model for the kids, but it doesn't seem to have affected them in any way.

They had a lot of love, and I think that's what really matters.

Then your sister is really very selfish indeed.

Tiddlywinks

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Why?

I don't want/need a church wedding with all the bells and whistles but I do want a proper celebration with our family and friends. Isn't that one of the reasons to get married to celebrate your love? To make a lasting commitment to someone?

Maybe I could afford to go down to the registery office and sign abit of paper to say I'm married with just a couple people but what would be the point other then the legal side?

So, get married in a church (if your faith dictates it) and then hire the local community hall, have friends and family bring sandwiches and sausage rolls etc and you can all celebrate together there.... job done.

Mankysteve

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Except the article contradicts the headline:

He made clear he was not saying people should not have children unless they were prepared to marry.

He said: “I don’t think they should have children until they are sure that their relationship is stable enough to cope with the stresses and strains.”

I would generally expect better of the telegraph despite its Murdoch roots.

Dunroamin

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Why?

I don't want/need a church wedding with all the bells and whistles but I do want a proper celebration with our family and friends. Isn't that one of the reasons to get married to celebrate your love? To make a lasting commitment to someone?

Maybe I could afford to go down to the registery office and sign abit of paper to say I'm married with just a couple people but what would be the point other then the legal side?

Having a party doesn't indicate a commitment.

penguin83

We are not married. We have been together for almost 12 years. Our children are 10, 8 and 8 months and we bought a house 9 years ago. I got pregnant 6 months in to our relationship. Unplanned but I was young and stupid and should have known better. What would have possibly been a short relationship became a serious relationship with the pregnancy (I would have been going away to university the next month) We moved in together and got engaged. We never actually got married as it wasn't important to either of us. We are not religious, don't go in for the big 'look at me' stuff and can't be bothered dealing with the family fall out of a wedding with just the two of us and so haven't bothered yet. We might one day but I feel too old now. We are settled, happy and wouldn't want any other life but we took responsibility for the life we created and with that created our own life together xx

duchy

unicorn1984 wrote: »

I got married to my partner of 5 years, we had our son (who was 2 in September) and we have been separated for 14 months. Just because we got married, didn't make our relationship any more secure than others.

I always thought I would only ever marry once and that would be it. However, my husbands behaviour once I fell pregnant wasn't something I intended to live with. He always wanted to get married and our son was planned, something just went off inside him when that all became reality and he couldn't deal with it and started acting like a single care and responsibility-free teenager. Marriage USED to be for life, people of our Grandparents ages never divorced, now its so common, people barely bat an eyelid. So I really don't see how being married makes you better equipped to have children....

Some people love the idea of parenthood but can't/won't deal with the reality - Do you think your husband wouldn't have changed if you had gone ahead and had a child without a marriage-or do you think he'd have acted the same ?

Kayalana99

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

So, get married in a church (if your faith dictates it) and then hire the local community hall, have friends and family bring sandwiches and sausage rolls etc and you can all celebrate together there.... job done.

You get married because you WANT to, not because you should, or to prove to anyone you can make a commitment...their is the law side that if one of us dies etc but I wouldn't get married for that reason.

You both replied but neither actally answared the question of what would be the point.

duchy

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Totally disagree.

We do not need to be 'married' to be emotionally and financially committed to each other. We have been together for over 25 years and have two children together.

Just recently two sets of friends who were married have got divorced. Where is the emotional and financial commitment in that?

Did you miss the words "equal to" in my post ?

catkins

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Why?

I don't want/need a church wedding with all the bells and whistles but I do want a proper celebration with our family and friends. Isn't that one of the reasons to get married to celebrate your love? To make a lasting commitment to someone?

Maybe I could afford to go down to the registery office and sign abit of paper to say I'm married with just a couple people but what would be the point other then the legal side?

When me and OH decided to get married we wanted to just go to the registry office with our parents and siblings and then go for a meal.

Neither of us wanted a church wedding and neither of us wanted a big or expensive day. We didn't live together beforehand and we were very much in love and wanted to be together.

Because of family pressure (his parents!) we ended up sticking with the registry office and only immediate family but we did have an evening reception for friends and family. We both enjoyed it but would have been perfectly happy with the version we both wanted. We certainly would not have felt that we were only doing it for "the legal side".

For us the actual marriage ceremony was celebrating our love and making a lasting commitment. We both believe very strongly in marriage and neither of us believe in divorce. If our marriage had not worked out we would separate but not divorce.

pollyanna24

catkins wrote: »

Figures show that couples that live together are much more likely to split up than married couples. You may not like that but facts show it to be true

I was supposed to get married when our eldest was 10 months old (after 10 years together). But he decided he didn't want to.

Still got me pregnant with our youngest and then left me when she was 2 months old.

Would he have stayed if we'd actually got married? Who knows eh? But probably best that he didn't.