'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

Ebany

Its the term they use for anything above the simple '4 people max, in the register office itself' version of the ceremony.

unicorn1984

dizsiebubba wrote: »

If you can't be bothered to look it up then you can't really comment on the cost of it... Its not quite £1,000 for us as I don't care about loads of the extras they offer but its costing us £725* with KENT council.

What I think a lot of you are missing is that people want to get married in front of their family who love them and have welcomed their partners with open arms and want to celebrate their love - we aren't all bridezillas but at the same time its a very depressing thought to me to get married in a registry office and see the bride before me leaving and as I leave see one waiting. I went to a wedding like that and was shocked at the lack of 'romance' about it all...I don't want that and I don't think most people want that deep down.

Some people will never agree that it is worth spending *some* money on celebrating...but if it is to me of course I am going to save up and have a lovely time.

You shouldnt need to justify what you spend. If you can afford it then it shouldn't matter whether you do what I did (registry office, followed by a meal with only 7 others, bit depressing when I look back on it, but then again its probably a good thing we didn't spend alot since we are getting a divorce in the new year ) or a lavish, over the top do. Its your life, your money, your day.

The reason I wouldn't want a huge big wedding is because I am not the type of person who likes to be the centre of attention, the thought of 200 people all staring at me walking down the isle fills me with dread lol. Saying that though, if I can afford to, I would go to somewhere exotic (like the Maldives) and have a small ceremony, but it would still cost loads!

Its your day, do what you want! x

lostinrates

Ebany wrote: »

Its the term they use for anything above the simple '4 people max, in the register office itself' version of the ceremony.

Ah, that's why ours was cheap! :rotfl:

I didn't see the bride before or afterwards I don't think, but I wouldn't have minded if I did.....it would have been nice to wink and say...hey...you too today, huh?'. I was aware it wasn't just me getting married on the day and it didn't occur to me any thing else would happen, just like I share my birthday with millions others.


I can see why a bigger room costs more, with facilities expenses and stuff, and I think that's utterly reasonable expense for couples to want to spend, but it is extra, not requisite.

neverdespairgirl

unicorn1984 wrote: »

infact I know more people whos parents have gotten divorced than are still together. I look in awe and ask "wow how have they stayed together so long"? because couples that are STILL married seem (to me at least) to be the minority, whereas years ago it was the complete opposite.

It does vary, though. My parents, my OH's, most of my friends (we're all mid 30s) are still together, or were in some cases until one or other died. The same is true of my parents' friends - they have between them 8 close friends from school or uni, and 7 are still married, one divorced.

unicorn1984

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

It does vary, though. My parents, my OH's, most of my friends (we're all mid 30s) are still together, or were in some cases until one or other died. The same is true of my parents' friends - they have between them 8 close friends from school or uni, and 7 are still married, one divorced.

I really have to rack my brains to even think of couples I know who are! Apart from Grandparents! Both my parents are remarried (my Dad is on his 3rd marriage), all of my friends from school apart from I think, 1 all of their parents are with new partners. Work colleagues, college friends etc and I am almost 30 so its not even like you and I differ hugely in age.

I still stand by my "as long as the kids are happy and loved" theory lol

daisiegg

unicorn1984 wrote: »

I really have to rack my brains to even think of couples I know who are! Apart from Grandparents! Both my parents are remarried (my Dad is on his 3rd marriage), all of my friends from school apart from I think, 1 all of their parents are with new partners. Work colleagues, college friends etc and I am almost 30 so its not even like you and I differ hugely in age.

I still stand by my "as long as the kids are happy and loved" theory lol

I just mentally listed people I know of my parents' generation. Between my parents' siblings and cousins, I can think of about 20 who are married, and got married about 25-30 years ago. Of those 20 marriages, only 2 (so far) have ended in divorce. The others are all still going strong. Of my grandparents' generation (both sets of grandparents) I can't think of any divorces or failed marriages.

I wonder why it varies so much?

neverdespairgirl

unicorn1984 wrote: »

I still stand by my "as long as the kids are happy and loved" theory lol

I think it's most important that both parents are involved, have in mind the best interests of the children, and work together to ensure a loving, good upbringing.

The best option, in my mind, is parents who are the above, and also together. I agree that parents living together, and at each other's throats, would be pretty miserable. Happy apart seems better than unhappily at war in the same household.

Separated families do cause all manner of complications that together-ones don't have - new partners, half-siblings, step-parents, grandparents out of the way, and all the rest of it. There's a calmness and simplicity in parents who are happily still together. You can see that pretty easily on this very board - exes, new partner's children and their exes, different fathers and access arrangements, mother of current partner treating his children differently from children from a previous relationship, it all gets very messy.

If I go and see my darling Mama, my Dad's probably there too. And vice versa. No worrying about seating arrangements at family events, or trying to see both my parents at Christmas / family birthdays, etc. And it's nice and relaxed and lovely that my parents are still so happily involved with each other.

unicorn1984

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I think it's most important that both parents are involved, have in mind the best interests of the children, and work together to ensure a loving, good upbringing.

The best option, in my mind, is parents who are the above, and also together. I agree that parents living together, and at each other's throats, would be pretty miserable. Happy apart seems better than unhappily at war in the same household.

Separated families do cause all manner of complications that together-ones don't have - new partners, half-siblings, step-parents, grandparents out of the way, and all the rest of it. There's a calmness and simplicity in parents who are happily still together. You can see that pretty easily on this very board - exes, new partner's children and their exes, different fathers and access arrangements, mother of current partner treating his children differently from children from a previous relationship, it all gets very messy.

If I go and see my darling Mama, my Dad's probably there too. And vice versa. No worrying about seating arrangements at family events, or trying to see both my parents at Christmas / family birthdays, etc. And it's nice and relaxed and lovely that my parents are still so happily involved with each other.

Oh don't get me wrong, I definitely agree with all of this. No matter how much my partner loves my little boy, when we have our own child/ren, he is inevitably going to have a different kind of love for our child, because my son isn't his. My Stepdad when we were all young (between the 3 of us there is only an 18 month gap) used to treat his son differently to me and my brother. He doesn't now, but it was definitely there when we were small. His Mum (my step Nan, but I call her Nan, she has been in my life since I can remember) is leaving money to my Stepbrother, but not to me or my brother. This doesn't bother me one bit, but it could bother some people in the same situation?

My idea was to get married, have our son and live happily ever after but of course this didn't happen, and my hope is that we can make the best of it, and my son grows up knowing both Mummy and Daddy love him more than anything, and always will. I really like my exes new girlfriend, and even if he annoys the hell out of me (which he does!!), I never, ever say anything bad about my ex in front of my son, because being sat in a room listening to someone slag off one of your parents is a horrible feeling and not something I will subject my son to.

Maybe us folk from Shropshire just give up at the first sign of trouble.... ha ha

neverdespairgirl

unicorn1984 wrote: »

I really like my exes new girlfriend, and even if he annoys the hell out of me (which he does!!), I never, ever say anything bad about my ex in front of my son, because being sat in a room listening to someone slag off one of your parents is a horrible feeling and not something I will subject my son to.

Maybe us folk from Shropshire just give up at the first sign of trouble.... ha ha

There's nothing personal in what I'm saying at all - I certainly don't think people should stay together at all costs when it's making everyone miserable.

I've never, ever heard my parents criticise each other about anything*, even though I'm now 35. And OH and I are very careful not to do it in front of our son, he knows absolutely that he'll never get a different answer if he tries one of us first, and then the other.

* Anything serious, I mean. I've heard my mother say, "Can't you ever take your boots off without trampling mud through the house?" or my Dad say, "How can it take one women so long to get ready to go out?" but that's not in an aggressive, telling-off way, if that makes sense.

lostinrates

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

There's nothing personal in what I'm saying at all - I certainly don't think people should stay together at all costs when it's making everyone miserable.

I've never, ever heard my parents criticise each other about anything*, even though I'm now 35. And OH and I are very careful not to do it in front of our son, he knows absolutely that he'll never get a different answer if he tries one of us first, and then the other.

* Anything serious, I mean. I've heard my mother say, "Can't you ever take your boots off without trampling mud through the house?" or my Dad say, "How can it take one women so long to get ready to go out?" but that's not in an aggressive, telling-off way, if that makes sense.

. I also was very moved my a friend whose parents held hands often. It just used to say nothing loud or ostentatious, but everything.