'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

samtoby

If that is the view then I am screwed. 1 child out of wedlock and another out on the way

unicorn1984

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

There's nothing personal in what I'm saying at all - I certainly don't think people should stay together at all costs when it's making everyone miserable.

I've never, ever heard my parents criticise each other about anything*, even though I'm now 35. And OH and I are very careful not to do it in front of our son, he knows absolutely that he'll never get a different answer if he tries one of us first, and then the other.

* Anything serious, I mean. I've heard my mother say, "Can't you ever take your boots off without trampling mud through the house?" or my Dad say, "How can it take one women so long to get ready to go out?" but that's not in an aggressive, telling-off way, if that makes sense.

That's a good thing, god you should hear how some people round where I currently live speak.... and this is Mums to their kids! I was walking to the shop and heard a Mum say to her (estimation.... 7/8 year old daughter) "If you ask me that one more time, I will kick your f@cking head in......." I was HORRIFIED! I was going to say something, then realised the woman would probably kick MY head in, thought better of it. I am forever hearing parents telling their kids to shut the eff up and I hate it. Sure, my son can be a pain and push my buttons, but I wouldn't dream of speaking to him like that, because I would be mortified if he ever spoke to anyone like that!

unicorn1984

samtoby wrote: »

If that is the view then I am screwed. 1 child out of wedlock and another out on the way

Meh.... I am 29, about to get divorced, living with my boyfriend and have a son from my marriage. My ex and my boyfriend are both called the same too, which can get a tad confusing....

I sometimes wonder what should I tick on forms that ask;

Married? In a relationship? Living with partner? Separated? Erm. Yes, all of the above! LOL

neverdespairgirl

I usually want to tick the "mind your own bloody business" box

Retrogamer

samtoby wrote: »

If that is the view then I am screwed. 1 child out of wedlock and another out on the way

It's ok. The judge's intention was not to have children until people are in a stable relationship to the stage where some would consider getting married, but didn't mean people should be married before having children

POPPYOSCAR

GobbledyGook wrote: »

The whole thing about parents working at their marriage for the sake of the kids always makes me shudder.

My parents were married. They were married before they had children. They 'worked' at their marriage because my father didn't want the 'shame' of his children having a single mother.

If they'd have split, if my mother had had the guts to escape him our lives would have been considerably better. My friend who was born to a single mother after a one night stand had a considerably more stable, and better, life than my brother and I did with our 'stable' family.

The reason society isn't the same and children aren't as well behaved now is because of lazy parenting (imo), not because of the marital status of said parents.

I agree with you.

I also find it quite sad that my father had a miserable life staying married to my mother because he took the vows so seriously.

I would have loved him to have left her and had a happy life.

POPPYOSCAR

supersaver2 wrote: »

You can to a certain degree, have a wedding, just the 2 of you and 2 staff from the registry office would also need to witness the legal contract happening, same as if you were signing your will I suppose. No wedding dress, wedding cakes, bridesmaids etc needed, nobody even has to know! This is what me and my wife did, all sorted for approx £400.00 with no fuss or big celebrations.

Yes I know, but try telling that to the family.

I am not quite sure exactly what the emotional impact would be on the youngest daughter in particular.

Much easier all round just to make an appointment at a solicitors office and sign a few papers.

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes I know, but try telling that to the family.

I am not quite sure exactly what the emotional impact would be on the youngest daughter in particular.

Much easier all round just to make an appointment at a solicitors office and sign a few papers.

Essentially, that's all a registry office need be ( registrar rather than solicitor of course).

I feel strongly that children are intrinsic parts of a family, but not a marriage (or relationship). I'd say that can cover the wedding as well as the breakdown of those situations.

catkins

dizsiebubba wrote: »

If you can't be bothered to look it up then you can't really comment on the cost of it... Its not quite £1,000 for us as I don't care about loads of the extras they offer but its costing us £725* with KENT council.

What I think a lot of you are missing is that people want to get married in front of their family who love them and have welcomed their partners with open arms and want to celebrate their love - we aren't all bridezillas but at the same time its a very depressing thought to me to get married in a registry office and see the bride before me leaving and as I leave see one waiting. I went to a wedding like that and was shocked at the lack of 'romance' about it all...I don't want that and I don't think most people want that deep down.

Some people will never agree that it is worth spending *some* money on celebrating...but if it is to me of course I am going to save up and have a lovely time.

I don't disagree that you should spend as much or as little money on a wedding as you want (or can afford) what I am saying (along with other posters) is that couples really cannot make the excuse of not being able to afford to get married when it can be done very cheaply.

Me and OH were so much in love we could probably have got married in a shed and not minded. We didn't find any problems with a registry office.

dizsiebubba wrote: »

£55 non-refundable booking fee
£592 balance for 'a kentish ceremony'
£70 for notice to be given (£35 each)
£8 for 2 marriage certificates (in case 1 gets lost)

= £725

Ebany wrote: »

Its the term they use for anything above the simple '4 people max, in the register office itself' version of the ceremony.

I don't really understand the "4 people max". I have never heard anyone tell me that have had to pay more to have more than 4 people attend their wedding. That's ridiculous and, I think, a rip off.

dizsiebubba

catkins wrote: »

I don't really understand the "4 people max". I have never heard anyone tell me that have had to pay more to have more than 4 people attend their wedding. That's ridiculous and, I think, a rip off.

It is most definitely a rip off I agree - there is a whole thread on the weddings board saying that... but people want to argue it costs nothing to get married...

Babies - they really can cost nothing! As long as you have money to spare before you start school you are sorted - oh and maybe to buy a carseat!