Wife worried about money, I'm not, causing arguments!!!!

rpc

andymc29 wrote: »

She's really worried about how we can get through her maternity leave without breaking into our savings

What's the point in saving for a rainy day if you won't touch them when the rain begins to fall?

So we'll have about £3500 a month to live on each month which personally I have no problem with.

Can you work out a budget based on that and show it will be OK. Ask her to work out a budget showing how much she thinks is needed. Then you can work through them both and compromise.

I know we can live on much less but she's not willing to budge on things like carrying on saving money each month

Not really something most people do while on mat leave...

In my view, we earn loads of money, have no problems at all and I'm not worried. But she uses that as a reason to call me stupid and accuse me of not taking things seriously.

It might be hormones (they do go a bit wacky sometime in pregnancy, but it's no excuse), but it sounds to me like you are taking this seriously have thought it through and she can't justify her position objectively so she resorts to the ad hominem.

It took my wife some adjusting to be comfortable not filling her ISA every year, but kids mean sacrifices and if you aren't prepared to sacrifice some things then you aren't ready for kids.

LannieDuck

I can understand where your wife's coming from to some extent. My OH is a SAHD, so when the new baby comes next year we'll be on one maternity-pay-salary until I go back to work (unless OH can find some contract work - fingers crossed!). We have a nice amount of savings, but I really don't want to dip into them - ISAs take a long time to build up, and other savings may have a penalty charge for cashing in early. The difference in our case tho is that I understand we'll need to change the way we budget for the next year or so.

I agree that your OH's just panicking a bit. I like the suggestion of actually writing out a budget (perhaps a SOA?), so you can see exactly how much you'll have left over each month, even during mat leave. She might find it reassuring. Perhaps you have some spare each month now that you could start to put away to supplement your 'income' during AMP? Not savings so much as 'deferred income'? It wouldn't be locked away like her other savings, so psychologically might be different?

There are other options of course - the only requirement after having a baby is for her to take 2 weeks off. She doesn't have to take a whole year off. She could perhaps take off the OMP period, and go back to work when the mat pay rate drops? Or she could go back to work after 6 months and you could take the second part of the mat leave - it wouldn't really help to increase the total amount of pay coming into the house, but it might make her feel more secure than having to give up her independence for a whole year. (And I'm hugely in favour of men doing some of the childcare early on anyway :P)

Mojisola

It's got to be reassuring for both of you to see the figures in black and white.

Get a spreadsheet organised with the monthly spending including planned savings.

Check that you're getting the best deals for all your utilities/phones/insurances - as someone else said, a pound saved is a pound you don't have to earn.

Writing everything down also brings to the fore all the incidental "unnecessary" spending - it can be alarming how little cash spends can add up over a month. If both of you keep a notebook for a month and write down absolutely every penny you spend, you might find savings to be had there.

I hope that your wife is just having a pregnancy hormone fuelled panic and that it will pass if you can give lots of reassurance and plenty of practical evidence that your new family won't end up on the streets.

fay144

I can understand this. I'm in a similar position (though with less savings!), and was surprised how hard I've found it to accept being totally financially dependant on my partner for the first time in my life.


I've gone from a position where if he lost his job, I could cover all our bills (just) to a position where everything is completely dependant on him. In addition, if I drop my hours after maternity leave as planned, it will be many years before I can regain that level of independence again. Particularly with the cost of childcare - neither of us will be in the position to afford all our bills off one wage when that kicks in.


I trust my OH totally, but there are endless scenarios of redundancy, illness, etc, that can take things completely out of your control. It's not something I worried about before, as there were two of us earning the same. But take away my ability to earn for several months, and it makes me feel like we are both completely vulnerable.


So like your wife, I am reluctant to take too much from savings, as it will be at least 5 years before I'm earning a full time wage again without childcare swallowing a massive chunk of it up, and who knows what will come up in that time? I see our savings as there for the things in life that I haven't planned for.


However, before getting pregnant, I made a spread sheet with a budget for the next few years, taking into account the extra bills, reduced income, etc. Some months towards the end of mat leave, we will be spending more than we earn (significantly so, in the month my OH intends to transfer of my mat leave). But we'll be able to save enough at the start of my mat leave to cover that. Seeing it written down has made me feel a lot better. Looking at the worst month can be scary, but looking at the big picture over the course of the next few years puts it into perspective.

FBaby

Why is it assume that because one gets a comforts le income they shouldn't worry and be satisfied that they have enough to live on if modestly? My husband and I together earn a very good income but that comes with a certain level of expectations. If I got pregnant I would worry too at the impact of reduced income and increase costs even though I know we would ultimately always survive. I would want to budget and discuss potential risks of getting into difficulties. Thankfully my husband feels the same as I do bur if he's attitude were to say tell me that there is nothing to worry about and to stop stressing about it it would wind me up and only leave me more worried.

6feet

Some people have mentioned child benefit....you may not qualify at your income level. We lost ours and we take home about the same amount as you.....


welcome to squeezed middle PAYE system where you pay in loads and get absolutely no tax breaks whatsoever!

Person_one

6feet wrote: »

welcome to squeezed middle PAYE system where you pay in loads and get absolutely no tax breaks whatsoever!

The squeezed middle?

Jeez, I wish I was as 'squeezed' as the OP and his wife!

mincepiemonster

If my admittedly very hasty maths is correct, you're earning around £40k per annum each (pre-tax)? That is a very good income. Even on basic maternity pay (literally the government minimum of £135 per week) plus your salary, you'll have about £2k left after mortgage is paid. Depending on how high your other bills are, there should be no reason why you can't carry on saving.

To be earning £40k your wife must be a pretty intelligent lady. She knows what I have stated. So, I would suggest, like Fluffnutter says in a pp, that your wife is not really worried about money at all. She is terrified of losing her independence (financial and otherwise) and her whole lifestyle changing. To have a job paying that kind of money, I would bet it must be a pretty successful career (as opposed to "just" a job) - a huge part of her identity and life. Please don't just brand her fears silly or unnecessary... have a long chat about what you personally and as a couple, can do to help her.

Billie-S

mincepiemonster wrote: »

If my admittedly very hasty maths is correct, you're earning around £40k per annum each (pre-tax)? That is a very good income. Even on basic maternity pay (literally the government minimum of £135 per week) plus your salary, you'll have about £2k left after mortgage is paid. Depending on how high your other bills are, there should be no reason why you can't carry on saving.

To be earning £40k your wife must be a pretty intelligent lady. She knows what I have stated. So, I would suggest, like Fluffnutter says in a pp, that your wife is not really worried about money at all. She is terrified of losing her independence (financial and otherwise) and her whole lifestyle changing. To have a job paying that kind of money, I would bet it must be a pretty successful career (as opposed to "just" a job) - a huge part of her identity and life. Please don't just brand her fears silly or unnecessary... have a long chat about what you personally and as a couple, can do to help her.

This ^^^ with bells on.

£5000 a month take home pay, is the kind of income that most mere mortals can only dream of. Many don't clear HALF that amount, but still have many of the same basic outgoings as the OP and his wife.

And I can't imagine anybody being 'squeezed' with this kind of income, unless they have a ludicrously high mortgage, and/or have been massively over-spending and run up a six figure sum in debts.

RAS

OP
One small pointer; when a lot of women, even well-paid women, go back to work part-time after maternity leave a huge chunk of their salary gets taken up in child care costs. So they feel that they are not contributing to the household, "only working to pay the child care costs" and dependent on their partner.

If she goes back to work seriously consider paying the child care out of your salary, so that both of you are contributing a similar amount to the other household expenses. Does your employer do childcare vouchers?