Wife worried about money, I'm not, causing arguments!!!!

Lunar_Eclipse

You are in a very comfortable position financially, but your past (debt) is understandably a little worrying given the uncertainty surrounding starting a family. Having a first child is an anxious time full of unknowns, so I'd try to listen to her concerns and see where they are coming from. Is she planning a return to work, or staying at home with the baby after her maternity leave ends? Both options can have a significant financial impact (full time nursery was £1000/month when I had DD1 who is nearing 14!)

Savings of £600/month is not a lot on an income of £5000 (consider an increase?) but I think it's easy to spend £100/week in a supermarket.

The easiest way of keeping the peace, with the added benefit of boosting your savings, is to start living on one salary a month now. £2500/month is a very decent amount to budget to.

jetplane

It would seem like you both have different attitudes to money, for you this may be the best financial position you have ever been in for her it may be the most vulnerable financial position she has ever been in. It would be a good idea to write down your income & expenditure so that you can both see clearly where the money is spent and have a realistic idea of what you will be living off during maternity leave and beyond including childcare costs. Was the pregnancy planned?

To expect you to earn more is a childish simplistic way to solve the problem. Has your wife ever needed to budget? Why would she have you work longer hours to save more money, does she panic because she knows you have had debt in the past? How would she feel if you were not around to help her with the baby while you worked longer?

I don't think £400 a month on groceries is a problem with that level of income, its all relative, but no household can have a baby and reduce their income without taking a closer look at the finances and making changes.

fluffnutter

She's worried about becoming a mother and losing her independence and you're not taking her seriously. The money stuff's a bit of a smokescreen.

samtoby

If only my partner and I were in your situation with money!

It might be pregnancy related but from what has been written sounds like its a bit over the top.

Did you save a pot of money before planning to have a child?

Bit late to worry now!

pinkteapot

It's utterly ridiculous of her to say "you'll have to earn more".

If she didn't think she'd be happy on a 'baby budget', she shouldn't have tried for kids. You'll comfortably have enough to live and a lot of people are managing on a lot less.

Also, savings are there to be dipped into at times like this. MrTeapot and I are trying for a baby. We have £25k in savings which is a 'baby fund'. We wanted a pot that we could take £500 a month from for 4-5 years, to get us through the tough first few years. You replenish your savings later on when your salary has increased with inflation but your mortgage repayment is the same (it gets cheaper over time effectively).

She's being unfair and irrational BUT she's pregnant and full of hormones. You need to sit down together and work out your monthly budget for when she's on maternity leave. Your income (your current income!) plus whatever she'll be getting, then list out your outgoings. Work out how much you'll have to spend/save per month after essentials are paid for and, as gently as you can, tell her it'll have to do.

We're in the process of moving and taking on a bigger mortgage, and part of our budget planning has been looking at the affordability of the house on a baby budget. If you didn't talk about baby finances before conceiving, now's the time to have the conversation. Ultimately, she needs to be under as little stress as possible at the moment, so you will have to bite your tongue and get her through it.

I agree with the others that you're not helping the situation at the moment by taking a "you're crazy - we've got nothing to worry about" stance. You need to help her understand that that's the case, not just tell her.

HPoirot

PasturesNew wrote: »

Get her to write down, on paper, everything she things will be needed to live.

Maybe she's never actually done that.

This ^^^. She needs perspective.

Goldiegirl

I think the problem with people who are savers, is that they get to a point where they feel insecure if they can't squirrel money away in any given month, and also get anxious if they have to spend money.

I think you both need to sit down and talk and draw up a budget to show that you can live comfortably on the reduced income for a period of time, and also to speak about what your savings are to be used for. It's good to have a savings buffer, but there comes a point where some money needs to be spent, and I'd have thought that now is the time for some spending, rather than obsessive saving.

There's a balance in all things, and I think your wife needs to move away from being a saver at the present time.

If she can get some clarity from a written budget with illustrates you won't starve and will be comfortable, this may reassure her a little

thorsoak

Scrootum wrote: »

Dump her, she sounds a nightmare.

WHAT?????? Dump his pregnant wife? Really good advice that!

claire16c

That's a good point above - you could save more than £600 a month at the moment so perhaps you won't need to cut that out completely when she goes on mat leave.

Even basic maternity pay plus child benefit is near that amount.

Georgiegirl256

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Flip me! I wish WE had a joint income £5000 a month, and the ability to SAVE £600 a month, and 50 sodding grand in savings! And the £35K is HERS? Why is it not YOURS as well? I don't like this 'my money your money' hogwash. When you're married, everything should be pooled together IMO.

So is she expecting you to earn ALL the money so SHE can spend it? But she wants to keep her little £35K nest egg for herself?

She sounds like a real princess to me. I know women have crazy pregnancy hormones, but I have never known women go like this. As some here have said, it sounds like she can't bear to lose her lifestyle. And I agree £400 a month on groceries for TWO is a lot!

Yes she IS over-reacting, but only YOU know why, as you know her. We don't.

I was going to type out a post, but this post above as saved me having to do so, because this is more or less what I was going to write! :T It's spot on.

OP, is your wife reacting differently because of the pregnancy, or is she a spoilt princess ALL the time? Which one is it?