Wife worried about money, I'm not, causing arguments!!!!

andymc29

Quick run down....

We bring home around £5000 a month between us, have a £1100 mortgage payment and are expecting our first child in six months time.

My wife is getting really stressed over money and keeps saying I need to earn more. I currently bring home £2500 a month and think I'm doing alright for a 33 year old.

She's really worried about how we can get through her maternity leave without breaking into our savings as she'll have a lot less coming in from her job. So we'll have about £3500 a month to live on each month which personally I have no problem with. I know we can live on much less but she's not willing to budge on things like carrying on saving money each month and not cutting down on our food budget, which right now is over £400 a month for the two of us.

I feel horrible for saying it, but I lived on less than a grand a month when I was paying off my debts (£40k over 3 years), so it just feels like she's being a spoilt princess and I don't know how to handle it without her blowing up at me and saying I'm not being supportive.


In my view, we earn loads of money, have no problems at all and I'm not worried. But she uses that as a reason to call me stupid and accuse me of not taking things seriously.

Mojisola

andymc29 wrote: »

I know we can live on much less but she's not willing to budge on things like carrying on saving money each month and not cutting down on our food budget, which right now is over £400 a month for the two of us.

It doesn't sound as if your wife is worried about money but not being able to spend!

It's not realistic to think you can suddenly start earning the difference between her salary and maternity pay.

arbroath_lass

Can you draw up a budget plan and show her why you're not worried? Plus maybe a couple of online example shops to show how you can save on groceries? If you have the money it's fine but you can eat well for much less than £400 a month. Don't forget things like heat and light will be more expensive when someone is at home during the day.

Al1x

How about suggesting just living off your wages for a while (putting her wages into savings) just to show that it is possible.

I agree with pp about it sounds like she is scared about not being able to spend!

b_girl

In your wife's defence, when I was pregnant I went through a little patch of being worried about money and how we'd manage even though looking back we had far more money than we have now. I think it was more to do with providing security for our baby, almost similar to nesting in a way. Once our baby was here I didn't really give money that much thought and we just lived within our means.

Maybe have a chat with her and ask what exactly she's worried about, maybe make a spreadsheet to show her how the money can be managed so you can both be reassured about your finances.

Oh and congratulations

claire16c

£400 on food? What are you buying?!

Even if me & DH do a big shop it doesn't really come to more than £60 for the week. Although we don't really drink.

You will be fine on her maternity leave it definitely sounds like she needs to just cut her cloth.

missindecisive

suddenly the balance is being shifted from two salaries to one. Your wife is feeling anxious and vulnerable, she is about to have a baby (or perhaps has not long had a baby) and is realising that she will be wholey dependent on you...if only for a short while.
You need to explain to her that she has nothing to worry about and that you have it all under control...she needs reassurance.

missindecisive

err...just a thought....your wife hasn't got debts that she's hiding from you...has she? Storecards or catalogues for example.

marisco_2

Got to love pregnancy hormones and the way they turn some women totally irrational! The next few months could be long hey. It appears that you have looked at where you are at with a cool head, and feel assured that so long as you take a sensible approach to your finances and lifestyle then there is no cause for concern.

I can understand your wife feeling nervous and apprehensive at going on maternity leave and not bringing in her usual wage level. That can take a bit of adjusting to. No excuse though for blowing up at someone, being offensive and accusing them of not taking things seriously.

It is all very well saying you need to earn more, but it is not that easy is it. I think you are right to consider doing a major overhaul of your budget. Cutting expenses where appropriate and giving yourselves an instant % pay rise in the amount you save. Maybe putting that perspective to your wife may appeal to her.

ciderwithrosie_2

It's pretty unrealistic and unfair of her to say 'go and earn more' so she can sit at home with baby for a year, continue the lifestyle she's had and not dip into any savings. Does she expect you to take on another job and never see your new baby?

If not for times like this, what exactly is she saving for?


Did she not consider a drop in income when you both decided to start a family? If she is worried about money to that extent then she'll have to cut short her maternity leave.

We keep a family of 5 on what one of you earns a month.

theoretica

The rational response is what are you saving for? Maternity leave sounds the sort of major life expense it is good to have savings for.

On the other hand is she thinking rationally? She is pregnant, her hormones are going into overdrive and this could be a manifestation of the nesting instinct to get everything in order for the baby. You will know if this is your normal wife or not.