Please help settle a difference of opinion

claire16c

If to do pay it, make it his Christmas present as that would at least be half way between the two view points, and would show your son that yes actually it does need paying.

theoretica

claire16c wrote: »

and would show your son that yes actually it does need paying.

That is a very good point - would he pay it not because of the stick of maybe being caught, but because it would make you happier to have a law abiding son?

marisco_2

Under the circumstances I think it would be wise to pay for the license out of the emergency money you have set aside for your son. It is natural that you want him to become more responsible for himself but this is going to take time though. Best in the mean time to avoid any situation where he could get into trouble, and face consequences that could adversely affect his mental health even further. He is very lucky to have such loving and supportive parents, looking out for and wanting the best for him.

kezzygirl

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I dont know ifyou have any experience with people who have mental health problems, but they can really affect your reasoning, judgement and cognitive abilities. People can have really distorted irrational thinking.

Yeah, just because someone has a mh problem does not mean they aren't capable of making a reasoned judgement, regardless of cognitive ability.Distorted irrational thinking in some areas, but in others they may be able to make a completely reasoned judgement. Someone with a learning dis may have impaired cognitive ability, but be quite capable of making judgements based on evidence provided.

op-regardless if your son has come out of hospital against medical advice, he is within his right to do so if he has capacity and is not a risk to himself or others....the mh act is there for those who lack this. If he knows what the licence is for,the consequences if he does not pay it, but still chooses not to, there is nothing u can do.research the mental capacity act, it is not a crime for someone to make a poor decision.

kezzygirl

my previous post appeared a bit snappy...didnt mean it to!soz x

Jox

What if your son has a credit card and spends to the limit and refuses to pay it back, or orders on a catalogue and doesn't pay for the goods, will you bail him out? There might be many occasions in his life where you find yourself stepping in and paying for him. I would say don't pay, but having said that I pay for my parents tv licence and have done so for several years without their knowledge.

goonarmy

Id not pay it if i was you or him. They have to jump through hoops to process a case agaisnt you and if you dont help them it all stalls.

itsanne

This has been far from the most critical issue we've considered over the years, but for some reason we have been totally stuck with it. As the thread has demonstrated, there are perfectly good arguments on both sides. A number of posters have been particularly supportive in their comments. As well as a special thank you to them (you know who you are), I'd like to thank everyone who has responded, those I agree with, those OH agrees with, and those who . . . :mad:

I especially appreciate that people took the time to respond despite being aware that the information given was limited. I hadn't anticipated how frustrating holding back would be, both from the point of view of withholding information and from challenging / explaining / moving on from some posts. It's been an interesting read.

I did withhold one piece of information which could have been shared - what happened last year. The reason for that is I thought it might prompt mainly replies of a particular kind, and we have genuinely been reviewing what to do. Last year we bought the licence which son had refused and he voluntarily reimbursed us as he did not want us to be out of pocket as a result. (Pity he's not always so thoughtful about other things :cool:!)

OH has gone out. Before he left I asked if there was anything he would like me to add to the thread. He said to tell you that we'll pay on a monthly basis to get me off his back. (What he said to me was that we should do that as it would make me feel more comfortable - but I haven't told you that !)

Anne

claire16c

Jox wrote: »

What if your son has a credit card and spends to the limit and refuses to pay it back, or orders on a catalogue and doesn't pay for the goods, will you bail him out? There might be many occasions in his life where you find yourself stepping in and paying for him. I would say don't pay, but having said that I pay for my parents tv licence and have done so for several years without their knowledge.

Who do they think is paying it then?

GobbledyGook

I would pay for it.

Not because he would or wouldn't want you too or any of those reasons, but simply because the grief you would put yourself through if he was caught and ended up with fines or the likes would be hassle for you.