Please help settle a difference of opinion

itsanne

OH and I disagree over what to do about son's tv licence. One of us thinks we should pay it, or at least part of it by monthly installments which son could continue, the other thinks we should leave him to face the music and that he has to learn. It's not an acrimonious disagreement, but we're both pretty entrenched in our views.


The background is that son has mental health issues and can make very bad decisions. He's just out of hospital against medical advice and is simply refusing to pay it. He has no valid reason for not paying it. The actual money would not be a problem for either us or son to pay.

In favour of us paying:
1 Although he is out of hospital, it's clear that he is not thinking in the most rational of ways.
2 He's got enough problems without this becoming one.
3 We have money set aside for him, for an "emergency" or for when he needs it for something important (in our opinion, not his - or it would be long gone). As a compromise, we could take it out of this.
4 He does not learn through his mistakes.

Against us paying
1 He'd still be refusing to pay it if he was at his "best" and would be unlikely to continue any monthly installments.
2 He won't want us to pay it.
3 The problem will reappear in a year's time (or sooner if installments).
4 He needs to become more responsible for himself - we can't always pick up the pieces.

Suggestions to move things forward would be appreciated!

pollypenny

Pay it. He may be more rational in a year's time.

If he gets in to trouble it would surely cause him more stress, adding to his illness.

A difficult one for you.

PasturesNew

Pay it. It'd be mean not to.

krustylouise

What a difficult situation. I think it's refreshing to see a couple discuss issues like this without arguing.

Personally I'd pay it, but I'd ensure he paid me back. This prevents him getting into trouble, yet shows him that there are consequences to his actions.

Good luck OP.

Idle_Jim

Yes pay it.

When you care for someone, sometimes you need to go against their wishes if it's in their best interest. This is just such an instance.

Cheers
Jim

kwmlondon

I'd say pay it for a few months then take another decision. If he's vulnerable and not fully rational at the moment this is a decision that could really mess him up if he gets fined thousands and has to go to court etc. Try to find a less catastrophic way of "educating" him.

Dunroamin

How old is he?

itsanne

Dunroamin wrote: »

How old is he?

He's mid twenties - definitely an adult. Unfortunately he doesn't make adult decisions.

If either of our other offspring were to make the same choice, regardless of our views we'd keep completely out of it. (Well, maybe not completely - I'm sure we'd tell them exactly what we thought!)

whiteguineapig

i would pay it (as a christmas present ? ) (you needn't tell him it was his christmas present)

itsanne

whiteguineapig wrote: »

i would pay it (as a christmas present ? ) (you needn't tell him it was his christmas present)

I think he might guess when he didn't get much else . He'd be delighted :rotfl::rotfl:.

Actually, it's one of the things being considered.

Dunroamin

It sounds harsh but I don't think I would pay it - being mentally ill isn't the same as having learning difficulties and, as you say, he wouldn't pay it if he were well.