Mrs PG's Hopes & Dreams for a debt free future !

brizzledfw

INOD..terrible. Good idea to give visiting a rest for now...you sound like you need one. Take care

pennywisepoundstupid

PG I'm sorry your having such a carp time of it, you need to stop what your doing, stop feeling guilty because believe me you are going above and beyond what you should be doing and you need to put yourself and those girls first. I think reducing contact would be a good start maybe go one morning and week and slowly cut that down, also stop with the treats of meals out etc, she is behaving like a spoilt child and I'm sure if one of your girls behaved like that they would have had any treats taken away and told off, well this is how your going to have to deal this relative, also when the nastiness starts just walk away, smile say it as lovely to see you and leave, state clearly when you will next be visiting or ringing and don't get into a discussion about it just be firm.
Also what about getting the girls to ring her during the week, just a quick thought I would ring to see if you were ok and they can tell her about their week, then you know she is ok but havn't had to have a conversation with her.

I hope you don't mind me saying all this and you know I've been through a terrible time with my own family, if you need to chat PM me.

Take care.x.

PinotGrigio41

Brogden wrote: »

As a child and a young man, I always thought age brought about decency and consideration. I always thought a grey hair, wrinkle or bald patch was an indication of likely 'kindness' and 'fair play,' 'consideration' and 'understanding.' As a middle aged man I have found this is not necessarily true at all and a few years ago I had causes to ditch this theory completely!! I think a lot of people think the same way as I did.....?

You are either a good guy/gal or you're not. Age has b*gger all to do with it and unfortunately you seem to be experiencing one of those situations Mrs. PG which you wouldn't have thought you would.

Keep patient and maintain your own high standards

Brogden

Thankyou Brogden, I am trying, but its so difficult. Sometimes I fancy throwing the teddy out of the cot myself as it were and tantruming right back at her !! :rotfl:

PinotGrigio41

grannyx2 wrote: »

Oh my dear, you poor thing x

I suffer from similar with the same relation so understand what it feels like. However, unlike you I refuse to let her pull me down as I realise that it doesn't matter what I do, she will always be cruel and that's down to her personality and nothing to do with me.

You have to step away from this situation to protect your own sanity. She is laying the guilt on you because she knows you care what people think of you. No one but you would expect you to put up with this sort of crap. Put this scenario into a friend going through the same and think what your advice would be to that friend. Treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through this.

As for the housework, you need to prioritise and seek help from those lovely girls of yours. I so worry about you having so much on your plate.

Lots of hugs, understanding & love and don't ever apologise for coming on here to record your feelings. That's what we are here for x

Granny x

Granny you are correct as usual, I sometimes wish I could just walk away but I cant. Its not in my nature, but my best just really isnt good enough.

The girls have been trying to help as much as they can, but I think it will take an age to catch up. So many hours are spent either working or doing the visits there just not enough hours left int he day for much else and obviously Mr PG isn't around to do his bits either, so I have to do all the "boy" jobs. I don't mind doing them its just that's sometimes it would be ice to have another pair of hands.

I feel a bit better today I think its becasue I kow that my sister is goign for a few hours therefore I will get some respite but as soon as she leaves the messages will begin and then I will ahve to make the phone call. The thought of it makes me feel sick. I really cant explain half of whats going on here and I feel really guilty writing what I do. Sometimes though just need to get it off my chest. I don't tell RL friends too much although they know things are right but I think they have probably had enough of hearing about it all. xx

PinotGrigio41

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

I truly feel your pain. Last week I felt dreadful, called my mum who didn't answer my call even though she was in. I did 12-14 hour days in work all week and went down this evening before heading off on holiday. I was informed that I hadn't been there in 2 weeks (I've 6 other siblings) got a complaint that the cake I brought wasn't homemade and then after we'd eaten she pretty much demanded to be returned home even though I hadn't finished. I'm at the stage where I avoid visiting if I'm feeling low as it takes me far too long to bounce back. You need to put yourself and your children first as unfortunately nothing you do will be good enough.

Oh my goodness INOD that's ridiculous and so unfair. I really feel for you. What is it with people ? I couldn't ever treat anybody like this. Please take care of yourself xx

It takes me days to bounce back after seeing her, you clearly know the feeling. Last weekend really dragged me down. I was then so tetchy on Sunday I made everyone's life a misery and believe me I'm really not proud of it. I just couldn't snap out of this black cloud.

I spend more quality time with her than I do with girls

PinotGrigio41

brizzledfw wrote: »

Yep..all good advice and think Granny is on the money to say..what would you say Mrs PG if this was me, any of the folks on here or a friend in RL? I think you know...

Not visiting this weekend is a good first step.

I suggest you go next weekend but not the next..and over the next few months wean her off. Go into cahoots with your sister and see whether you can, both of you, adopt a consistent approach to this. And certainly no treats. she doesn't fli=ping deserve it and so she can be bored (if thats the way she terms it) and stay in when you go round.

And, yes, always happy to give you a virtual hug :grouphug: and a :beer:[/QUO

Just like Granny, you know you are right as well .!! Thankyou for the hugs and the beer they are much appreciated !! :rotfl:

I have tried to ask my sister if we can try and put some sort of schedule in place but she wont agree to it. Weekend are usually down to me as her husband is home so it seems to be expected that because mine isn't, I have nothing better to do. She doesnt work nor has children at home and I do think to would be good to try and establish a bit of a timetable although it will be difficult for me with work and the girls to fit in around as well. Also on the rare occasion Mr PG is home for a few hours I resent having to be there instead of seeing him.

I am dreading the coming week with Mr PG away and my sister is also going away. I am already being told that I am expected to fill in for her visits. Lord only knows how I am meant to do this. I actually feel sick even thinking about what the week will bring and I know I wont sleep for worrying.

There seems no way out of this mess for the foreseable future xx

PinotGrigio41

pennywisepoundstupid wrote: »

PG I'm sorry your having such a carp time of it, you need to stop what your doing, stop feeling guilty because believe me you are going above and beyond what you should be doing and you need to put yourself and those girls first. I think reducing contact would be a good start maybe go one morning and week and slowly cut that down, also stop with the treats of meals out etc, she is behaving like a spoilt child and I'm sure if one of your girls behaved like that they would have had any treats taken away and told off, well this is how your going to have to deal this relative, also when the nastiness starts just walk away, smile say it as lovely to see you and leave, state clearly when you will next be visiting or ringing and don't get into a discussion about it just be firm.
Also what about getting the girls to ring her during the week, just a quick thought I would ring to see if you were ok and they can tell her about their week, then you know she is ok but havn't had to have a conversation with her.

I hope you don't mind me saying all this and you know I've been through a terrible time with my own family, if you need to chat PM me.

Take care.x.

I have been trying to reduce contact for a while now but its so difficult. DD1 does call her for me occasionally, but she is just as nasty and full on with the girls that I Cant put them through it, its just not fair. She drags them down as well. DD2 just cant handle her at all. They do both keep in touch regularly with messages and they send her lots of photos of things they are doing and pictures of them before they go out to a party pr something. They are really good with her and do try . She corners them when I walk out of a room and turns the tears on to try and make them feel sorry for her. DD1 is learning to turn a blind eye but DD2 just freaks out and gets upset then goes and hides in her room. By the time I walk back in the tears have stopped and you wold never know it has happened. I find out about it after she has gone home and the girls tell me what she did. She is ridiculously intense. We have no privacy and I am not allowed to do anything with the girls. She expects to come with us everywhere we go. I have now taken to lying about our whereabouts just to try and spend a few hours with them without having her with me. DD1 even caught her going through our post and bills the other week when she was here. She challenged her over it and she got very nasty with her.

Thankyou for your advice everyone you have no idea how much you all help, although I hate the thought that lots of you are going through similar yourselves., it also helps to know I'm not the only one out there dealing with this crap. Thank you a million times xxxxx

PinotGrigio41

I didn't actually read back the posts above before I hit send, so apologies if there are a million mistakes and if what I wrote was an entire ramble. Reading between the lines may work .:o:o

I was woken today bright an early by an i message from her. I wish she wasn't so Techno Savvy, then in between visits and phone calls I may get some respite, but its not to be. I have turned the sound and notifications off on my phone and sometimes hide it from myself so that I don't have to see the messages ! How mad is that !!

I have replied to her messages, she read my replies but chooses to ignore them. Thats her way of showing me she is unhappy with me, but for today I dont care. My sister has gone so I wont hear from her for a few hours and I can breath. I have spent those hours doing yet more ironing ! Whoopee !!! Now to put it all away !

The girls are fab today, really making me laugh and jollying me along. I am lucky. They can see when shes got to me sadly. I wish I could hide it better. They do their best to sort me out though ! DD2 has a mountain of homework so she is tackling that, and DD1 is DD1, lord knows what she is doing. Walking around in her Candy Floss Bubble I think !! She is singing tonight, so I am looking forward to that. We have not told a soul , as I would be expected to take the other person along which I cant deal with. she is opinionated in every way as to what she sings ,how she sings it ,and why on earth she hasn't got a recording deal and why she isn't appearing on talent programmes. She doesn't want to could be the reason, but she wont accept that and hassles on a daily basis about it. DD1 just wants to have fun and enjoys what she does as and when she feels like it. So like a naughty school child I am sneaking out tonight, but will pretend that I am at home watching X Factor as she wont leave me alone all night !!

Sometimes I feel like I am in some strange dream or movie !!

I haven't had a chance to read your diaries this weekend, and not sure I will get around to it. So I really do hope that you have all had nice a lovely weekend xxxx

grannyx2

Here's some more hugs ((((PG))))

Have a fantastic time tonight and well done you for that little white lie.

X

lucielle

PG I know this is naughty but could you have a 'tummy bug' that you wouldn't want to pass on?
L