step children

balletshoes

piggied wrote: »

Hi all,

This might make me sound awful, but hubby has just said he wants us to take his 2 children on holiday again in the next couple of years and I am filled with dread!

How do I say no without a big argument???

We took them away this year and I hated every moment of it - I cried every day! The whole week was about them and what they wanted - my kids didn't get a look in.

Granted we have took mine away every year, but they live with us, I don't feel like I can tell his kids off when they misbehave but if I tell him I feel like a snitch!

The whole thought of another week away with them I feel sick over and I have tried telling him to take them on his own for some quality 1-1 time with them but he says he wants me to be there...

Any ideas how to get out of it plz!

so - again - where does she say her OH wants her on holiday with him to look after his kids?

January20

balletshoes wrote: »

so - again - where does she say her OH wants her on holiday with him to look after his kids?

??????


This:
The whole thought of another week away with them I feel sick over and I have tried telling him to take them on his own for some quality 1-1 time with them but he says he wants me to be there...


It doesn't say that he wants HER to look after the kids! That he wants her there. I suggested he was either unable or unwilling to look after them by himself! (Indeed I started my sentence with "Perhaps")

That to me was the problem; whatever his intentions, he wants her there but she doesn't want to be there.

balletshoes

January20 wrote: »

??????


This:
The whole thought of another week away with them I feel sick over and I have tried telling him to take them on his own for some quality 1-1 time with them but he says he wants me to be there...

that could mean anything - it could mean he wants his whole family, including his wife, her kids, his kids and their kids together, there, so that they have some family time all together?

FBaby

We can only make suppositions since OP hasn't come back to say more.

I agree that it could be either situation as a matter of fact, I think most likely to be that he wants to pretend that they are all a happy family, all loving and caring for each other. Unfortunately, recomposed families often only work with compromises.

duchy

I have to ask OP....What was your husband's reaction to you spending the entire holiday a sobbing wreck ? Effectively ruining the holiday for everyone.

Both you and he seem to be at fault however for not addressing your non acceptance of his children BEFORE you got married. Did the baby come along early in the relationship and you rushed things? I can't see how else you wouldn't have built a relationship with them first before getting married TBH unless you both gave them little thought at all.

jetplane wrote: »

So the step children have seen their dad get married, he lives with someone else's children, their weekends have been ruined by the presence of a new baby and they have inherited a step mother who cries every day on holiday and can't stand the thought of a week with them in a couple of years, we're not even talking every year !!!!!!.

OP you really should be thankful your husbands children are not mine their mother must be an angel. If I was your step child I would be heartbroken.

It would have been interesting to know the ages of both sets of children, do your own children see their father? Why can your husband not go out with his kids and the baby? You come across as an incredibly selfish woman and I think the fact that your husband has said he would like to take them sometime in the next couple of years demonstrates that he knows you struggle with them.

He's given you plenty time to prepare yourself how would you feel if he rejected your children this way?

January20

balletshoes wrote: »

that could mean anything - it could mean he wants his whole family, including his wife, her kids, his kids and their kids together, there, so that they have some family time all together?

Absolutely! I only suggested reasons it could be.

I think I'm quite pragmatic and think in the OP's husband situation, I would cut my loses and spend a holiday with my children realising that - whatever the rights or wrongs - not everybody will be happy to holiday together. Indeed, it looks like the whole family could be unhappy holidaying together!

Why insist on playing happy families when, clearly, it's not going to happen soon?

I also refuse to judge the OP because these situations are really too complicated and it would be unfair.
ETA: I'm also quite sure my views are influenced by my own personal experiences but I suppose that possibly true of all of us?

paddy's_mum

January20 wrote: »

I'm not surprised the OP hasn't been back........ She's been slated when it's quite clear some haven't read her posts properly...

Not sure you're allowed to say that, January!

Poor woman - not allowed to discover that she's bitten off more than she can chew nor allowed to try to ameliorate a situation that she finds enormously difficult.

The OP has been told several times during this thread that if she couldn't cope with the stepchildren, she shouldn't have married. Amazing thing, this 'ere hindsight. I must see about ordering some.

All I know for sure is that I have oftentimes in my life discovered that what I thought would happen bears no relation to the realities but by then it's too late to turn back the clock. All one can do is make the best of it.

Good luck in finding a happier way forward for everyone, OP.