step children

System

balletshoes wrote: »

Judi the OP has already said she'd be quite happy for that to happen - her husband wants a family holiday, with his wife and all the kids.

Well she can always refuse to go.

NAR

People should realise when they marry someone with "baggage" it is the complete package they are marrying and all that that entails.

squashy

OP, I don't think you are being selfish but you are letting things get to you unnecessarily. I can't blame your husband for wanting to relish his childrens' company for the time he has them. You have two choices- stress about this and cry everyday or accept it and make the best of the situation. It is your holiday too and you should try to relax and enjoy yourself! Maybe whilst hubby is swimming with the kids you could head off into town for a bit of shopping for example. The fact he loves his kids to bits is a really good trait, can you imagine if he wasn't bothered about them and ignored them all week?!

For what it is worth I am also a parent and I am happy to take a back seat in times like this. As long as the hubby takes me on the odd night away with just the two of us, to make up for it

Seanymph

He may want happy families - but you can guarantee that his children are only interested in spending time with their father.

The dad wants them because it makes HIS life easier - the OP should allow his children to spend time with their dad, and allow him to parent.

Her not going is absolutely the right thing. She doesn't need to passify her husband. the only way to reduce their resentment is if she steps back and makes him step up.

He may even try and blackmail her by saying he won't go and the kids won't get a holiday because SHE won't assume the responsibility for them - but it isn't HER problem, it's HIS.

OP you just say you think they would all benefit from the time together - and let him take his kids and gift them time with their father.

January20

Loz01 wrote: »

Why doesn't he just go on hols with his kids just the three of them? Esp if it makes you miserable! Stay home with the baby and let them go alone for the week, I would.

Yes! so many posters have said that how he doesn't get to see his children every day and then slated the OP for suggesting that her husband goes on holidays on his own with the children!

Has anybody thought about how much the children might love to spend a whole week alone with their dad?

I remember from when my dd was a child, how much she would have loved to spend time alone with her dad but instead they always did things "as a family" and she hated it because as a weekly visitor she didn't feel they were a family and yearly holidays together didn't make her feel any different!

Perhaps the OP's husband is like my ex: unwilling and unable to look after his own children on his own!

marisco_2

Regardless of where the children live full time you, your husband, your children and his are a family unit. Something you and your husband have to get your heads round and communicate about properly.

If for any reason his children had to come and live with you full time, you couldn't be crying all day and not feel able to discipline when appropriate or set boundaries. This would have to be addressed and plans put in place, which showed all the children that they were equal and you two are a supportive, loving, united front.

In all seriousness here do you want all the children to look back on their childhood holidays with bad memories and resentment? That is what you are setting them up for if things continue as they are. You married a man with children and they are going to be a major part of your life, all the while you two stay together. This goes way further than dreading a weeks holiday here and there. Something I am not sure you are willing to face at this time.

FBaby

I think there are many case scenarios and we don't know which one is wich in this case since OP hasn't returned.

I've seen new partners making great efforts to spend time with the children and show their interest because they want to impress/reassure their boyfriend that they have a future together, to suddenly drop the pretense once they are married/with a child from new partner because they fill secure and can't be bothered to make efforts any longer.

I have however also see men showing off how great dads they are and able to take on the full responsibility to impress the new girfriend, to then expect new partner to take over all his responsibilities once they are settle because he can't be bothered with it.

Both cases were born on false pretenses, and inevitably end up in conflict when the truth comes out.

balletshoes

have i missed something? on the strength of the OPs 2 posts on this thread, I didn't see anything about her OH wanting her there on holiday with them all to look after his kids?

Mojisola

January20 wrote: »

Has anybody thought about how much the children might love to spend a whole week alone with their dad?

I do think it's important that the children who live away get time with their Dad without anyone dividing his attention but I can also see that Dad might want to go on holiday with all his children together.

With piggied feeling as she does, the holiday with just Dad and his older children would be best for now but piggied and her OH do need to work on how to make a successful blended family.

His older children are going to be in their lives and, if he's any kind of a good man, he's not going to let his other children drift away and give all his attention to "their" child.

January20

balletshoes wrote: »

have i missed something? on the strength of the OPs 2 posts on this thread, I didn't see anything about her OH wanting her there on holiday with them all to look after his kids?

It's in her opening post.. towards the end of it.

Mojisola wrote: »

I do think it's important that the children who live away get time with their Dad without anyone dividing his attention but I can also see that Dad might want to go on holiday with all his children together.

With piggied feeling as she does, the holiday with just Dad and his older children would be best for now but piggied and her OH do need to work on how to make a successful blended family.

His older children are going to be in their lives and, if he's any kind of a good man, he's not going to let his other children drift away and give all his attention to "their" child.

Dad could take ALL the children on holiday with him, but I'm sure I read Piggied said that the older children don't want to come at the weekend any more because they get bored (is it because of the baby?).

Anyway, as many have said he lives with the OP's children and their (I presume?) baby so missing on a week's holiday with them might not be so hard to do.

I'm not surprised the OP hasn't been back........ She's been slated when it's quite clear some haven't read her posts properly...