step children

sulkisu

Loz01 wrote: »

Why doesn't he just go on hols with his kids just the three of them? Esp if it makes you miserable! Stay home with the baby and let them go alone for the week, I would.

OP has suggested that, but as everyone else has pointed out, that does not solve or address the issue.

The fact that spending one solitary week with her husbands children makes her so miserable that she spends the whole week crying, is the issue. Do you really think OP would be happy if her husband went on holiday every year without her just so that he can enjoy a holiday with his own children - a privilege that her children have enjoyed every year? More to the point, I doubt that her husband would be very happy about it either.

Expecting her husband to choose between his wife and baby, and his other children is not a solution - it is a recipe for disaster.

whitewing

This baby is presumably a half sibling of the stepchildren. The 'half' itself should be irrelevant. My DS has a halfsister but of course we all view them as brother and sister, although we all live together so that is much easier.

OP, I do hope you come back and, of course, we don;t know how difficult the children's mother is making life for you. You and your husband are a team and good on him for wanting to do right by you both - shows how much he loves you all.

clearingout

How depressing. My children are on their third 'step mum' in 5 years. It is indescribably worrying what they may have experienced in their father's home when you read things like this. It also explains a lot.

I get that step-parenting is difficult and complex and that relationships take time and need to be worked on and that different personalities etc. etc. all come into the mix and make it hard for everyone, adults and children alike. But if I can be an adult and behave in a mature and considered way about my relationships, why can't other adults? I have twice ended relationships with good, decent men because when it came down to it, I just knew that I didn't care enough to have their children in my life. I knew that in meeting their children, I would be making a commitment that I just didn't feel strongly enough to make - so I didn't. Yes, it was probably selfish because I just didn't want to get into sharing my life with some other woman's children, having my life turned upside down, my home invaded, worrying about maintenance payments and whether or not there would be an argument because we'd bought a new car. And at the back of my mind, there is always that 'but what if mum dies/gets sick and those children have to live with us full-time?'. What would it mean for me personally, my children, my relationship? Maybe I just didn't love the men concerned - I guess I'll never know. But why get involved if you're not prepared to even put a smile on your face and solider on for the sake of both your relationship and your partner's children? It's like these people don't want to enjoy themselves and just go all to be miserable in their step children's presence. OP - did you feel better for crying all the time on holiday? what did it achieve? did anything change? or did you just become increasingly angry and fed up and resentful? Would it have hurt even half as much to just try and enjoy it?

Just so...depressing.

jellyhead

OP how often do you see the stepchildren? I understand that you have to work when you have to, but could you see them on a week night maybe, take them out and try to build a relationship with them?

Perhaps even leave the baby with a babysitter and go and do something that they like - cinema and a meal maybe. Of course they need to bond with the baby too, but babies take a lot of attention and you might be able to relax more if the baby isn't there, and enjoy the step-children's company more.

I don't want to sound like I'm having a go, but the thought of my kids ever having a stepmum who didn't actually like them is very upsetting. I hope it never happens!

theoretica

If you are expecting to enjoy something and don't then it can be particularly miserable - and you were probably expecting to enjoy the holiday. Next time you won't have high expectations and probably won't hate it nearly as much.

I do think you and your husband need to sort out when you tell the stepkids off (and probably he would tell them his has given you this authority) and when you tell him.

jellyhead

piggied wrote: »

Hi all,

This might make me sound awful, but hubby has just said he wants us to take his 2 children on holiday again in the next couple of years and I am filled with dread!

How do I say no without a big argument???

We took them away this year and I hated every moment of it - I cried every day! The whole week was about them and what they wanted - my kids didn't get a look in.

Granted we have took mine away every year, but they live with us, I don't feel like I can tell his kids off when they misbehave but if I tell him I feel like a snitch!

The whole thought of another week away with them I feel sick over and I have tried telling him to take them on his own for some quality 1-1 time with them but he says he wants me to be there...

Any ideas how to get out of it plz!

I hope you meant ideas on how to get out of feeling like this rather than on how to get out of going on holiday?

How old is your baby? I'm wondering if you had some PND last time you went on holiday and that's why you were crying so much? It might be better next time, if you're better. If you're still liable to cry every day might there be something wrong?

dizziblonde

If I were the step kids I'd probably prefer the separate holiday to be honest. Used to hate going to my dad's new home (the relationship didn't last long cos he couldn't keep it in his pants in the end but that's another story) since it always became this assumption I'd pootle off and play happily with his new woman's kids and we had absolutely nothing in common at all. It WAS boring for that reason and eventually I started refusing to go along because of it - would have hated a week on holiday being expected to play happy families with kids I had the bare minimum in common with.

No sinister evil stepmother lurking there at all - just the truth of two sets of kids with nowt in common just the fact their parents had ended up together for a while.

System

You and your children have your hubby all to themselves every day at home.... what a selfish woman you are not to grant their Dad a whole week to devote himself to the children he doesn't get to live with.

Heres a suggestion.... let him go on holiday with his children without you or your children. Then you wont have to cry about how 'selfish' he is being.

balletshoes

Judi wrote: »

You and your children have your hubby all to themselves every day at home.... what a selfish woman you are not to grant their Dad a whole week to devote himself to the children he doesn't get to live with.

Heres a suggestion.... let him go on holiday with his children without you or your children. Then you wont have to cry about how 'selfish' he is being.

Judi the OP has already said she'd be quite happy for that to happen - her husband wants a family holiday, with his wife and all the kids.

jetplane

So the step children have seen their dad get married, he lives with someone else's children, their weekends have been ruined by the presence of a new baby and they have inherited a step mother who cries every day on holiday and can't stand the thought of a week with them in a couple of years, we're not even talking every year !!!!!!.

OP you really should be thankful your husbands children are not mine their mother must be an angel. If I was your step child I would be heartbroken.

It would have been interesting to know the ages of both sets of children, do your own children see their father? Why can your husband not go out with his kids and the baby? You come across as an incredibly selfish woman and I think the fact that your husband has said he would like to take them sometime in the next couple of years demonstrates that he knows you struggle with them.

He's given you plenty time to prepare yourself how would you feel if he rejected your children this way?