step children

piggied

Hi all,

This might make me sound awful, but hubby has just said he wants us to take his 2 children on holiday again in the next couple of years and I am filled with dread!

How do I say no without a big argument???

We took them away this year and I hated every moment of it - I cried every day! The whole week was about them and what they wanted - my kids didn't get a look in.

Granted we have took mine away every year, but they live with us, I don't feel like I can tell his kids off when they misbehave but if I tell him I feel like a snitch!

The whole thought of another week away with them I feel sick over and I have tried telling him to take them on his own for some quality 1-1 time with them but he says he wants me to be there...

Any ideas how to get out of it plz!

ellay864

Talk to him about how you'll manage the discipline thing, and how you'll make sure all kids get to do things they want; you have time to work on it before the holiday happens.
How would you feel if your hubby said he wanted to go away only with his kids and that yours weren't welcome. or if he told you that if you wanted a holiday with yours you had to do it without him?
I have step kids and for the first few years I found it hard but I got with hubby knowing he had children. He moved in with me and mine and accepted they came first most of the time; I did find it hard at times but no way could I have deprived him of what I had which was family time with the man I loved AND my children. I know it isn't easy being a step mum but he has as much right to want his family - you and his kids - as you do yours

mandi

piggied wrote: »

Hi all,

This might make me sound awful, but hubby has just said he wants us to take his 2 children on holiday again in the next couple of years and I am filled with dread!


We took them away this year and I hated every moment of it - I cried every day! The whole week was about them and what they wanted - my kids didn't get a look in.

Granted we have took mine away every year, but they live with us.

The whole thought of another week away with them I feel sick

I would say get your head out of your !!! & cut the man some slack .

You expect him to be there FT with your children , but sick & crying at the thought that he want's to spend a whole week with them . Really ?

Poppie68

You take your children away every year, but he only takes his away every couple of years and you are complaining that he basically spends more time on them. I wonder how they feel that your children see more of their father than they do?

BitterAndTwisted

You cried every day? I think you need to get a ruddy grip. One week out of your whole year and you can't share that?

piggied

Hi, Thanks for the quick reply.

I knew he had kids when we got together and I wouldn't dream of stopping their time together but I, like you at first, find it hard.

They used to come round every weekend but now they don't because "they get bored" and I feel guilty about that but when im working a weekend and hubby has baby they cant go out all the time.

At our wedding his lad was caught stealing and his daughter spent 2 hours crying because she "had a headache" even though they had quite big roles in the wedding so I don't think it was a attention thing.

Im not saying he cant take them away, just that I don't want to go with them but am unsure how to tell him that without upsetting him.

Thanks for your input/thoughts.

*max*

I thought I was going to be harsh when I thought you were just cohabiting. But you are married? Wow...

Seriously, you need to get over yourself and start including YOUR HUSBAND'S CHILDREN into your life, and make every damm effort to enjoy it and make it enjoyable for them! I find your attitude absolutely unbelievable. You married this man knowing full well he had children and now you despise being "forced" to go on holiday with them every couple of years...

You, an adult with kids of her own, cannot handle a few days with your own husband's children - your step-children! - without crying everyday??? I am absolutely gobsmacked at the immaturity you are showing. If this wasn't sadly believable, Id call troll.

Make-it-3

when else do you/your children get together with the step children? Do they not play together?

All the children should be treated equally and disciplined equally too, if you feel awkward about this talk to your OH.

Sounds like you would benefit from spending more time together so everyone can mix and feel relaxed in each others company.

daisiegg

Sorry, but there is no getting out of this one. You married him and that means his children are part of your family.

I can sympathise to a point. I sometimes find my husband's daughter a bit difficult and I sometimes don't fully enjoy time spent with her. But do you know what I do? I suck it up, deal with it, and put even more effort in to being nice to her and try to make the time with her dad as good for her as possible. I do not cry and moan and refuse to go on holiday with them!

It can be really difficult being a step-parent and I actually think step-parents get quite a hard time on this particular board. However, in this case I don't think you have much of a leg to stand on. It is ONE WEEK from your entire year. Even if the whole week is absolute hell for you, just do it because it is important to your husband and important to his children, who should be important to you. Plaster on a smile and hold your tongue, basically.

Poppie68

piggied wrote: »

Hi all,

This might make me sound awful, but hubby has just said he wants us to take his 2 children on holiday again in the next couple of years and I am filled with dread!

How do I say no without a big argument???

We took them away this year and I hated every moment of it - I cried every day! The whole week was about them and what they wanted - my kids didn't get a look in.

Granted we have took mine away every year, but they live with us, I don't feel like I can tell his kids off when they misbehave but if I tell him I feel like a snitch!

The whole thought of another week away with them I feel sick over and I have tried telling him to take them on his own for some quality 1-1 time with them but he says he wants me to be there...

Any ideas how to get out of it plz!

You sound like a big spoilt baby, sounds more that you were trying to make it all about you and your children with your crying everday, his children should be his priority and not you and yours.

FBaby

Yep, let hubby take his kids away on a fab holiday whilst you stay home with baby. Why should they be deprived from a fun holiday with their dad because you don't enjoy yourself?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I strongly believe in the above. I've been with my husband for 5 years, my kids and hubby get along great, but still every year, I take my kids away on their own so we can really enjoy some quality time together. My hubby totally understand why I do it and has no issue at all with it.

If you can't join them, let them go alone.