Why doesn't he want to marry me?

Bazey

Tropez wrote: »

Misandristic drivel.

I thought it was man being ironic.

Not everyone on this part of the forum is a lesbian.

an9i77

shop-to-drop wrote: »

An9i77

What are your reasons for wanting to be married?

I am wondering as you seem to be arguing against it.

Is it to have a Wedding?

If so maybe this is putting him off.

It just feels like something is incomplete - we haven't quite got to where we should be. It feels like I will always question his commitment to me and the family if we are not married (I know that being married doesn't necessarily mean lifelong commitment just ask my three times married dad. But the intention must count for something!). Also I'd like to have the same name as the rest of my family (the kids have his name) and refer to him as husband not partner. Partner sounds wrong to me!

I always wanted to get married someday but seeing our friends get married has really stepped it up a gear for me - not so him.
Although I wouldn't say no to a big wedding I'd be ok with a smaller wedding, or even just going abroad with a few very close friends/family for a very small wedding somewhere lovely.

I just feel like being married would be the cherry on the cake for us, then again I'm a hopeless romantic and he's pretty low down on the romantic scale.

fluffnutter

Person_one wrote: »

The OP needs to know so that she can make her own decisions, rather than just going along with his. The reasons behind his thinking could have a huge impact on her next steps.

Rome wasn't built in a day. They have two children together, she's already said it's not a deal-breaker. She's not just 'going along with his' decisions. My suggestion is that she makes a decision - her own decision - to shelve this for a while, to allow her partner time to figure out his feelings, to allow the family time to adjust to a new baby and to see how things pan out. She doesn't need an answer RIGHT NOW. She's in it for the long haul and things might (and probably will) change.

It's think it's silly to suggest that a woman leaves the man she loves, the father of her children, because he won't marry her - YET, when her youngest is only two months old. Not that you're necessarily suggesting this but you do talk about 'next steps'.

sleepymans

Tropez wrote: »

Misandristic drivel.

So would you prefer Misogyny?

As it happens...I lurve !!!!...the more the better....I just wouldnt recommend relying on a man!!:rotfl:

fluffnutter

an9i77 wrote: »

It just feels like something is incomplete - we haven't quite got to where we should be. It feels like I will always question his commitment to me and the family if we are not married (I know that being married doesn't necessarily mean lifelong commitment just ask my three times married dad. But the intention must count for something!). Also I'd like to have the same name as the rest of my family (the kids have his name) and refer to him as husband not partner. Partner sounds wrong to me!

I always wanted to get married someday but seeing our friends get married has really stepped it up a gear for me - not so him.
Although I wouldn't say no to a big wedding I'd be ok with a smaller wedding, or even just going abroad with a few very close friends/family for a very small wedding somewhere lovely.

I just feel like being married would be the cherry on the cake for us, then again I'm a hopeless romantic and he's pretty low down on the romantic scale.

Change your name. Nothing to stop you doing this.

Tropez

sleepymans wrote: »

So would you prefer Misogyny?

I would "prefer" neither, quite honestly.

As it happens...I lurve !!!!...the more the better....I just wouldnt recommend relying on a man!!:rotfl:

Perhaps the issue lies in the type of men your attitude attracts

pimento

Why collaborate in the Patriarchy?

http://www.xojane.com/issues/unpopular-opinion-marriage-will-never-be-a-feminist-choice

Women, in particular, are taught that a marriage proposal is something that validates them. It means they are desired -– that a man wants to “lock it down.” And yes, I understand how a proposal could make one feel loved. And of course we all want to be loved. But is it so difficult to imagine that love can exist without diamonds and white dresses and an institution that made women into chattel? Things to be traded among men? Is it so difficult to imagine that people might commit to and love one another, just the same, without that piece of paper?

It seems that if women were truly “embracing feminism,” they’d reject such an unnecessary tradition so firmly rooted in sexist practices and ideas. While you can’t guarantee commitment or “till death do us part,” you can guarantee is that marriage, over time, has harmed women more than it’s helped them. Rejecting marriage seems not only a political choice, but a practical one. And hey, you can still have a party.

Person_one

pimento wrote: »

Why collaborate in the Patriarchy?

http://www.xojane.com/issues/unpopular-opinion-marriage-will-never-be-a-feminist-choice

That author is writing from a country where 'common law' couples have legal rights. Marriage is a feminist choice when its the choice that protects and empowers women, as it is here.

Taking a man's name is never a feminist choice though, she's right about that.

sleepymans

Perhaps the issue lies in the type of men your attitude attracts [/QUOTE]


Eerrrrr. no..... there is no "issue" other than reality, hun.

Tropez

sleepymans wrote: »

Eerrrrr. no..... there is no "issue" other than reality, hun.

Oh but there so clearly is.

Despite your misandric witterings, speaking as a man, I can assure you that we're not all as you describe.