Why doesn't he want to marry me?

bugslet

I can't argue with that:rotfl:

FBaby

Unfortunately, a living-together/boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is often treated less seriously than that of a married couple.

I personally don't know the exact status of all my colleagues. I know whether they are single, in a newish relationship, or long term one, but not whether they are officially married. I actually thought one of my close colleagues wasn't married to her long time partner because they have different surnames. It is 10 years later that it came up in conversation and she said that she had been married for 15 years, just kept her surname. Similarly, when I got married, I learnt of two couples I had known for some time and assumed married, were actually not bothered and were intending to do so.

I didn't think people judged the strength of relationship on their marriage status, more on the basis of lenght of time together even though that in itself is not always an accurate factor either.

an9i77

Wow, so many replies I wasn't expecting that! Thanks to everyone who responded. I think the person who said the relationship will be what it is, regardless of whether we get married, made a lot of sense. I know marriage is no guarantee of everything - if it was there would be no divorces.

I'm going to have a serious chat with my OH one day (not sure when) and just explain that I f'eel like we have everything apart from this one thing, and the reasons why its important to me get married. (we have already made wills btw)Then leave the ball in his court.

To be honest the last year or so I was not too bothered about it all as I was focusing on getting pregnant and having the baby, despite health problems, so I wasn't thinking too much about getting married. Then our friends got married and showed us the DVDs (we couldn't go as I was heavily pregnant and it was in another country) and that's kind of reignited my desire to get married.

I don't think he has a really strong aversion to marriage, he's just not that bothered/can't see the point. But maybe if he knows how important it is to me that will be the point.

Ultimately I think it is very unlikely we will leave each other as we do love each other and even if we fell out of love it would take a lot to split up the family. So if we're going to be together long term then I guess I will try and make him see that we may aswell get married.

It's a fine line between persuading him/ getting him round to my point of view without putting undue pressure on him. And if he has very strong reasons for not getting married I'm not averse to him getting me round to his point of view. I just haven't heard them yet.

an9i77

An update. We had 'the chat' (after a few drinks for dutch courage) and I explained that I felt we weren't a proper family if we weren't married, and did it mean I wasn't the one etc. He said nothing could be further from the truth and if I really wanted to get married then we would. It wont' go down as the most romantic proposal in the world but that doesn't much matter as we've agreed to get married now. I've chosen a ring and when that's been made he's going to take possession of it so that he can propose 'properly' at some point (I've hinted my birthday next month) and then we can announce to everyone.
All it really took was a proper chat, I think I was just scared to do this before so ended up just joking/hinting/skirting round the subject and then he didn't take it seriously.
I can't wait to be a mrs. now, the wedding will be nice but it's more about the lifetime afterwards for me.
Its brought us closer together too, gone are the simmering feelings of resentment and insecurity.
So - result!

Tiglath

Congratulations

seven-day-weekend

an9i77 wrote: »

An update. We had 'the chat' (after a few drinks for dutch courage) and I explained that I felt we weren't a proper family if we weren't married, and did it mean I wasn't the one etc. He said nothing could be further from the truth and if I really wanted to get married then we would. It wont' go down as the most romantic proposal in the world but that doesn't much matter as we've agreed to get married now. I've chosen a ring and when that's been made he's going to take possession of it so that he can propose 'properly' at some point (I've hinted my birthday next month) and then we can announce to everyone.
All it really took was a proper chat, I think I was just scared to do this before so ended up just joking/hinting/skirting round the subject and then he didn't take it seriously.
I can't wait to be a mrs. now, the wedding will be nice but it's more about the lifetime afterwards for me.
Its brought us closer together too, gone are the simmering feelings of resentment and insecurity.
So - result!

Really, really pleased for you. Just as it should be Congratulations!

Georgiegirl256

Yay! Glad you got it sorted! Congrats!

meritaten

Thanks for letting us know! I am so pleased for you all! because the marriage isn't just about the two of you - your kids are affected too. I wish you all every future happiness and in the immortal words said at most weddings 'May your troubles all be little ones'!

an9i77

meritaten wrote: »

Thanks for letting us know! I am so pleased for you all! because the marriage isn't just about the two of you - your kids are affected too. I wish you all every future happiness and in the immortal words said at most weddings 'May your troubles all be little ones'!

Well, my little ones can certainly be trouble!

ClaireM1989

Just my two cents.

I've been with my partner since i was 16. Now I'm 24 and we have been together 8 years. We have been living together for 4 years and we are expecting our first child in April.

We have been engaged for 4 years now. He is absolutely brilliant in every way but is the least romantic person you could meet. I think I might have suggested marriage and he was like let's do it! Now it's just a case of finance...

I think openly having a chat is the best way forward for you. Me and my partner would love to get married and have decided we are going to get hitched after the baby is born.