Why doesn't he want to marry me?

Lunar_Eclipse

newcook wrote: »

perhaps compromise and ask for an eternity ring instead?

I don't think it's about a piece of jewellery (although I can understand your logic given that it is a symbol of commitment.)

lilypad_rider

After 5 years together, we decided to just do it, after me thinking we never would.

I think in some ways buying a house is more of a commitment ... it can be harder to sell a house than get divorced these days.

Hope you find some common ground.

Morglin

I was married, first time around for 30 years. Then, for a variety of reasons, I filed for divorce (nothing dramatic, it had just run it's course).

The day I got my absolute through, I swore I would never get wed again.

I was living with my new partner, we knew we'd be together for life, we didn't have kids to consider and I was quite happy with how it was.

However, as a bit of time wore on, I realised that, contrary to my first thoughts, I wanted to take his name and I wanted to be his wife, and I wanted to make those vows again.

I didn't say anything, but one day he went shopping, got back, got on one knee, ring held out and proposed - I said 'yes', and we have never been happier, 9 years on.

So, my view is that if the feelings are right, then it sort of just makes it complete to have made those vows and confirmed your love, in front of others.

Old fashioned view, I know...:o

Lin

paulineb_2

catkins wrote: »

I wouldn't go out with someone for years and not at least be intending to get married. Me and OH got married 5 months after meeting (didn't live together first) as we both knew we had met the right one and wanted to be married.



There is no way I would go out with someone for 15 years and not be married in that time.



I totally agree with this but the problem is the OP had a baby very quickly and so I guess they never had a talk about each others views on marriage. Luckily OH had the same strong views on marriage as me

My friend and his fiancee werent just going out, they lived together and they are now engaged. My point is, its possible to be totally committed to someone without a wedding ring. As I said before my brother and his partner have lived together for years now, theyve just bought a house together (he was living in hers previously), they arent just going out either, they are in a live in relationship.

I dont understand why there seems to be an automatic assumption that marriage is a more worthy state to be in than people living together or being engaged for a long time.

I can understand totally that some people have very strong views on marriage and wouldnt want to be with someone long or even medium term if marriage wasnt on the cards. But whether people get married after 6 months, 6 years or 16 years, surely if they are happy with this, its absolutely ok to have that choice.

Or have the choice not to get married at all.

MoneySavingMamma

I won't quote running woman, as it's a long post, but I very much agree with your post! My accidental pregnancy came at a time we were involved in 'lots & lots & lots' of baby making situations.
I've got through 8years after of not having an unplanned pg, as the amount of 'activity' decreases significantly after having a child! :rotfl:

bugslet

Morglin wrote: »

Old fashioned view, I know...:o

Lin

As a no wish to get married myself person, I think that is rather sweet:)

paulineb wrote: »

I dont understand why there seems to be an automatic assumption that marriage is a more worthy state to be in than people living together or being engaged for a long time.
.

Ditto. Some people seem to be wanting to say that unmarried is just not as good a relationship. As one of the great unmarrieds:p, I don't feel the need to suggest that being unmarried is better than married, just a different choice.

Morglin

bugslet wrote: »

As a no wish to get married myself person, I think that is rather sweet:)



Ditto. Some people seem to be wanting to say that unmarried is just not as good a relationship. As one of the great unmarrieds:p, I don't feel the need to suggest that being unmarried is better than married, just a different choice.

I think it's an individual choice, and what's right for one is not right for another.

I'm glad I was married (first time) to bring up the kids, as I think it gives them security, and legally, life is easier anyway if you are wed - with pensions and things like that.

And, I do love being married to the man who is truly the 'love of my life' (corny I know lol )

The problems start, as with the original post, when one really wants to get wed, and the other one doesn't, as, I would imagine, it impacts on everything.

Lin

lostinrates

bugslet wrote: »

As a no wish to get married myself person, I think that is rather sweet:)



Ditto. Some people seem to be wanting to say that unmarried is just not as good a relationship. As one of the great unmarrieds:p, I don't feel the need to suggest that being unmarried is better than married, just a different choice.

I believe its equal......so long as its an equal decision on all parties and the 'bits and pieces are taken care of'. I believe there has to remain the option of the 'unequal' less commitment option for those who do NOT want it, which is why a common law arrangement in a world where we strive for equality and choice, would make me uncomfortable....some people would choose a less commitment option than marriage or an equally committed ltr.

An example......before civil partnership came in, I did not believe for one minute my closest gay friends' relationship was unequal to ours. They have not got hitched yet, I still don't think its unequal, but for various reasons none to do with the strength of their love or relationship I really hope they do. If they don't though, it doesn't make their love lesser in my eyes.

Georgiegirl256

Dunroamin wrote: »

You seem to have totally misunderstood what I was saying. My comment about lack of commitment referred to the poster, not to her partner.

Apologies if I misunderstood, but IMO marriage doesn't necessarily mean you are more committed than non married people, it does however mean you have more legal rights.

shop-to-drop

One way to look at it is. Unmarried in the eyes of the law you are two separate units, married you are combined into one unit. I guess there are advantages and disadvantages of both. Make your choice mine is definitely to be married.