Fair rent to charge family?

System

- Stop doing all laundry, and pile any dirty clothes, towels etc back in their rooms
- Stop cooking their meals and provide cupboard space for them to put their own food in
- Make them pay for their own toiletries, mobile contracts etc

That aint going to work because the wife does the cleaning and she doesn't want things to change.

twigpig

Wow, when I was at home just over 10 years ago, I paid more than they are. Generally I think they should pay 25% of their earnings for living there, leaving the rest for their mobiles, car stuff, and any extras they want. By that, I mean you'd usually pick up the basics - shampoo etc, food, but if they want extra things, specific brands or special chicken breasts etc, then they need to pay for those things.

Unfortunately, without getting your wife on board that this is destroying any chance of them surviving the "real world" without creating a mountain of debt, you'll be talking to them til you're blue in the face.

You need to agree together on how to approach it, or they'll pay you the money and your wife will simply keep slipping it back to them......

Your sons need a good kick in the behind for taking advantage of you and your wife. At their age, they should know better!

Morglin

NPowerUser wrote: »

What is a fair rent to charge your sons living at home?

Both in their 20's paying such a derisory amount, one of them pays £10 a week that is on JSA, the other £20 a week who works 25 hours a week.

It has caused massive distress and arguments, and it is getting to the point where I have slashed my working hours so what I earn barely covers the bills. My view is that we should all be working together as a family and I feel if my sons cannot be bothered then nor can I.

The youngest paying £10 a week, he just spent all of the £2K he had in the bank on a holiday and having a good time, he is now skint. He is also into protein shakes so milk is getting hammered and he asked him mum to get him skinless chicken breast fillets as "they are full of protein" He is also eating 2/3 bowls of cereal at breakfast.

My biggest arguments were over late payments of keep with my youngest to the point I where I get worked up over asking him, sometimes as many as 5 reminders before he coughs up. It makes me very angry.

My wife is on anti depressants and is having therapy. As far as she is concerned he should pay nothing or what he is paying at the moment.

If it continues for much longer I feel it might break us up.

We are both in our fifties and all we want is a happy life together but its getting to the point I am desperately unhappy.

Help or advice appreciated.

I used to take 10% of their take home pay (they both had full time jobs), and that covered them for everything in the home, including this poor over-worked mum doing all their cleaning and washing etc.,

I did cartwheels the day they moved out...:T:rotfl:

Seriously though, I took a token amount, but it does depend on the family finances.

Lin

theoretica

I wonder if it might be more productive to discuss with your wife (and possibly the lads) your concerns about the boys not yet being successful adults and how you can both help and push them to become self sufficient and productive members of society? It would hopefully end up in a similar result to if you started with the money and your complaints, but might go down better.

nickj_2

my daughter (18) has just started a new job , however we don't charge her anything , she works all hours and doesn't go out wasting what he earns , plus she's already saved well over £10k either for a deposit on a house when she's older , she's not on a huge wage plus has train fares to pay as well , whilst me and my wife aren't huge earners we have enough to live comfortably without any need for her cash ,

Callie22

As soon as I started earning (so from 13/14 when I babysat locally) I was expected to hand over half of everything I earned to my mum. On top of that, I did my own washing, the family's ironing and I was expected to help with cooking and cleaning. I'm staggered by these kids who get away with doing and contributing absolutely nothing.

claire16c

Callie22 wrote: »

As soon as I started earning (so from 13/14 when I babysat locally) I was expected to hand over half of everything I earned to my mum. On top of that, I did my own washing, the family's ironing and I was expected to help with cooking and cleaning. I'm staggered by these kids who get away with doing and contributing absolutely nothing.

Handing over baby sitting money is a bit extreme!

duchy

So even though you are struggling financially ......you've cut your hours ?????????? Sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face. She sees them as children still (and doesn't want them to move out most likely) she sees you as a husband....what kind of a husband deliberately sabotages the family's already precarious financial situation ?

My Mum and Dad were a very united couple...except about my brother as although he had a good job he took the mickey royally and my Mum did nothing about it (had it being me it would have had a very different ending ) and constantly defended him to my Dad........... It caused a lot of problems between them but frankly as far as she was concerned her son (but not her daughter) could do no wrong. They never really resolved things - it got easier once he moved out not before. The problem honestly though isn't with them -it's with your wife . If you were presenting a united front -they couldn't behave the way they do. Whilst she continues to accept their behaviour -they'll do it and the rift between both you and them and you and your wife will continue to widen. You need to be focusing on better communicating with her and starting to agree on what needs to change together not from opposite sides of the fence.

NPowerUser wrote: »

Thanks Claire, Judi, Delree, Polly and Mojisola.

Its not just their financial contribution.

Both leave their washing strewn on the bedroom floor, wet towels on the bathroom floor, toothpaste tops missing, piles of late night washing up after getting hungry and the younger one, with his protein fad, is sometimes eating chicken destined for an evening meal at lunchtime also.

Neither offer to wash up, cut grass, do any shopping or anything other than cook on the spur and leave all the washing up.

Mum still buys them toiletries out of her own money. Lights get left on in empty rooms, radiators get left on in bedroom when not at home.

I have cut my hours as I no longer feel its fair that I work very unsociable hours so the family (sons) can live off my hard work and effort.

If my wife is happy with my sons paying the absolute minimum they can get away with, surely the same should apply to me?

minimoneysaver

I agree that unless things change you make life more difficult and uncomfortable for them. You alone can do things like change the wireless password. I'm sure there are plenty of suggestions of other posters.

You should also link the monthly food budget and insist on buying for the meal, rather than having a fully stocked fridge, which will prevent them taking food out.

Who is saving money for the future here? From what you've said, it sounds like none of you are. What if you needed to replace something tomorrow? Doesn't sound like you are setting a good financial example to the boys either.

Mojisola

One parent can't do much if the other is always undermining him/her.

Unless the OP's wife changes her attitude, I can't see the situation ever improving. Perhaps when Mum is left at home alone with two lazy sons she'll realise just what she's created.