Fair rent to charge family?

Jobseeeker

Is he making any real attempt to get a job? Maybe there's no incentive as he's living at home rent free.

Perhaps you need to give him a deadline to get out by.

JanCee

You need to tell your sons to shape up or ship out and mean it. Why should you leave?

You & your wife (I realise it is more her than you) are not doing them any favours by letting this continue. They should be paying more & doing their share around the house.

pollypenny

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Having said that I have an issue with the wife attempting to give our son, a car and pay his insurance, when he starts his year in industry next summer. !!!!!!, he can pay for it himself. :eek:

My DS had a year's placement and needed a car. He used mine. He did pay a fair board and lodge, though.

However, I heard him tell a friend that he thought I was saving it to return to him when he went back to uni! N:cool:

I suppose he was right in that we had to pay for him.

RAS

I think it would be a good idea if you thought about the consequences of a divorce settlement.

Chances are your wife would get 50-60% of the equity in the house plus similar of your pension and possibly (though not likely on your current earnings) short-term spousal maintenance.

Not that I am advocating divorce; just I think you need to understand the financial risk of ending you marriage.

And personally I would kick both sons out now.

barbiedoll

I have to agree with RAS, give both sons a deadline, say 2 months, to find somewhere else to live.

Don't argue or negotiate, don't be tempted to say that they can stay if they pay more or do more chores. They are adults, one of them has a girlfriend that he can shack up with and the other can claim housing benefit so that he can rent a room or a bedsit somewhere.

If they realise that you are deadly serious, they may well change their ways and stop taking you and your wife for granted. But I wouldn't bet on it so start making plans now to change the locks, get some sturdy bin bags and boxes and start packing up their stuff.

Tell your wife that you two are going to be starting the next phase of your lives, with no mortgage, no kids at home and lots of leisure time. Start planning a (cheap) holiday or some days out. Look to the future and stop letting your kids drag you down. It's time for them to be thrown out into the big wide world, to be honest, you'll be doing them a favour!

yvonne13_2

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Having said that I have an issue with the wife attempting to give our son, a car and pay his insurance, when he starts his year in industry next summer. !!!!!!, he can pay for it himself. :eek:

I don't mean to be rude but this issue lays with your wife. She's enabling your son's by molly cuddling them.

I think they'll get a financial reality check if you ever get them out of your house.

HappyMJ

I'd charge them £20 less than the JSA amount they are entitled to to include all bills and food on the table....but that's me...when they get a job they'll appreciate the money so much more as they'll keep a lot more of it and still not have to pay very much.

NPowerUser

Appreciate all that have contributed to this thread.

Its not something I envisaged when I got to my 50's but I cannot continue as its making both my wife and I desperately unhappy.

I am going to take on board all your advice plus some other given to me by friends.

I am going to draw up a discussion plan for a family meeting, discuss with my O/H beforehand to see what she thinks. Meeting on Thursday, hopefully, will report back.

I want quality time with the missus, and if the lads are still living here after Xmas then they pay their way and help with the chores.

Thanks again, it proves how difficult parenting is, as we all have an opinion.

Maysie

16 years ago (i was 24) i was giving my mum £80 a week. I knew money was tight it was the right thing to do. When my stepdad had suddenly moved out i automatically gave me mum extra £20 that took it up the £80. She never asked. That was about 40%-50% of my wages depending on overtime. I bought my own toiletries and if i wanted anything special to eat i bought it and cooked it myself.

Letting them live practically rent free is not setting them any great example. Is there anyone else in the family who your wife would listen too? Any examples of more independently minded young adults you could quote to help back up your point.

I do think cutting your hours is cutting your nose to spite you face though.

Prothet_of_Doom

pollypenny wrote: »

My DS had a year's placement and needed a car. He used mine. He did pay a fair board and lodge, though.

However, I heard him tell a friend that he thought I was saving it to return to him when he went back to uni! N:cool:

I suppose he was right in that we had to pay for him.

DS's Placement will put £1200 a month into his bank account, and whilst he'll have to live away from home, in North London, there are 16 other Placement Students at the same place he could houseshare with and spare room dot co dot uk shows that £450 gets an all inclusive room nearby he he chose not to. (200 within 5 miles, 1000 within 10 miles).

He's got savings (because he has a university bursary and hasn't spent it) so he has more than enough to fund a car and insurance and live in a reasonable fashion if he wants.

If the car were worth a lot less and a lot easier to insure, then I'd 'loan' him the car, and replace it with something newer for my wife. But FiL is having "should I give up motoring" thoughts, and his car would be perfect. (perhaps too perfect:rotfl:)