Fair rent to charge family?

NPowerUser

What is a fair rent to charge your sons living at home?

Both in their 20's paying such a derisory amount, one of them pays £10 a week that is on JSA, the other £20 a week who works 25 hours a week.

It has caused massive distress and arguments, and it is getting to the point where I have slashed my working hours so what I earn barely covers the bills. My view is that we should all be working together as a family and I feel if my sons cannot be bothered then nor can I.

The youngest paying £10 a week, he just spent all of the £2K he had in the bank on a holiday and having a good time, he is now skint. He is also into protein shakes so milk is getting hammered and he asked him mum to get him skinless chicken breast fillets as "they are full of protein" He is also eating 2/3 bowls of cereal at breakfast.

My biggest arguments were over late payments of keep with my youngest to the point I where I get worked up over asking him, sometimes as many as 5 reminders before he coughs up. It makes me very angry.

My wife is on anti depressants and is having therapy. As far as she is concerned he should pay nothing or what he is paying at the moment.

If it continues for much longer I feel it might break us up.

We are both in our fifties and all we want is a happy life together but its getting to the point I am desperately unhappy.

Help or advice appreciated.

Delree

It sounds like your first conversation is with your wife. If she is pleased with the amount they're paying then you can't do anything without creating a big divide.

Resentment at the sons is natural but you and your wife have created the conditions for this situation to exist so you two need to agree on a way forward and present your sons with a united front.

System

£10 a week barely covers heating his bedroom! At their age you really hadn't ought to be supporting them financially.

claire16c

Set up direct debits for their payments, saves a lot of hassle.

Tell the youngest if he wants anything particular for muscle building he needs to buy that himself.

Sit them down & tell them it can not continue like this, they are old enough to understand. Tell them they are causing you both stress.

Not sure why you've cut your work hours though?!

pollypenny

That blowing £2000 on a holiday typifies for me the young ones who complain that we oldies had it easy!

He hasn't got a clue. Suggest he finds a place to lodge.

Mojisola

[QUOTE=NPowerUser;63819688
Both in their 20's paying such a derisory amount, one of them pays £10 a week that is on JSA, the other £20 a week who works 25 hours a week.

It has caused massive distress and arguments, and it is getting to the point where I have slashed my working hours so what I earn barely covers the bills. My view is that we should all be working together as a family and I feel if my sons cannot be bothered then nor can I.

My wife is on anti depressants and is having therapy. As far as she is concerned he should pay nothing or what he is paying at the moment.

If it continues for much longer I feel it might break us up.[/QUOTE]

This does sound very serious.

How does your wife think the bills are going to be paid if your sons don't contribute to the household costs?

How would it go down if you got all the bills set out showing how much money is needed each month to cover them and had a family meeting - looking at figures in black and white can have more impact than just being told "you need to pay more".

NPowerUser

Thanks Claire, Judi, Delree, Polly and Mojisola.

Its not just their financial contribution.

Both leave their washing strewn on the bedroom floor, wet towels on the bathroom floor, toothpaste tops missing, piles of late night washing up after getting hungry and the younger one, with his protein fad, is sometimes eating chicken destined for an evening meal at lunchtime also.

Neither offer to wash up, cut grass, do any shopping or anything other than cook on the spur and leave all the washing up.

Mum still buys them toiletries out of her own money. Lights get left on in empty rooms, radiators get left on in bedroom when not at home.

I have cut my hours as I no longer feel its fair that I work very unsociable hours so the family (sons) can live off my hard work and effort.

If my wife is happy with my sons paying the absolute minimum they can get away with, surely the same should apply to me?

pollypenny

Why does no our wife think the boys' are contributing enough? Does she spoil them?

As they are playing so little, albeit from poor incomes and benefits, they could take on many of the jobs around the house.

Delree

OP I understand your resentment but saying that if your wife is happy with your sons paying little then she should be with you isn't realistic is it.

Have you spoken with your wife and told her how you feel about the situation? If so what was her answer and how did you react to it?

The boys are taking the P*ss, clearly, but you have to get your own house in order and not abdicate your responsibility, especially by making it harder on people by cutting down your work hours. Where is that going to get you in the long term?

As I say, talk with your wife and make her understand you're no longer prepared to accept the situation and that she will have to compromise with you on this.

Prothet_of_Doom

So let me get this straight. JSA is what ? £50 a week? I have no idea, but lets say it is.
The other ONLY works 25 hours. But at mimimum wage that is worth what ? £150 ?

So I'd be saying. Both of you have to work for a local charity 10 hours a week, to pay your rent. Until you are working 40 hours a week in which case you can stop.
You get no washing done,
you provide your own food.
You wash up after yourself
(This draw in the freezer belongs to you two, this shelf in the fridge, this cupboard is yours)
You mow the lawn, you pay your own mobile costs, you hover the stairs, you polish the lounge. 3 hours of chores each a week.

Basically at the moment they are getting £500 each free. £350 to rent the room, £150 plus of food.

Person_one

I think we might need a sticky on this topic, it comes up about every 5 minutes!