christmas dilemma

paulineb_2

My mum doesnt need ferried about either, shes 64 and still works full time. My gran used to spend christmas with us up until she was housebound and then we used to go and see her, she lived ten mins away, but she was out every day until her early 80s.

Everyone has different needs and obviously health is a part of that. But if I go and see my mum and go home on Boxing Day, in times where its been difficult to get a bus due to the reduced service, Ive happily walked home, around 2 miles.

I also dont consider myself to be the older generation either, Im 44, but some people 20 odd years younger might consider me so.

Brighton_belle

balletshoes wrote: »

i've been quietly chuckling to myself all day about this thread - I'm in my 40s, and I don't even consider myself to be the older generation, never mind need fetched or ferried about - my mum is in her 60s, suffers with a bad hip and knee, and would tell us, her kids, off big time if we attempted to ferry her about and make arrangements on her behalf - because she's still perfectly capable of doing it herself!

This ^^^:D Nearly spat my tea over my keyboard when it was casually mentions the m-in-law was in her 40's. She's younger than me and sa far as I'm concerned I'm barely middle aged:D. (And yeah, know what it's like to have long term disability/health issues)

catkins

balletshoes wrote: »

thats not the same situation as the OPs though - she and her OH do like MIL, and do want her there.

I was pointing out to the posters who made comments about inconsiderate families and lonely relatives that not everyone gets on with their families and wants to spend Christmas with them

lavalamp

I haven't read this whole thread, but can I just say something.

Last Christmas, we chose to have Christmas without my MIL - she was to come to us for a Christmas day in early January. However, she was not well on the weekend she was due to come and didn't come over. Then she went into hospital for a knee operation and 6 weeks later she passed away! How I wish we had spent Christmas with her now - you just never know what is going to happen! Please consider having her over to yours. A taxi home shouldn't be that expensive if it's walking distance - worth every penny in my opinion.

Brighton_belle

lavalamp wrote: »

I haven't read this whole thread, but can I just say something.

Last Christmas, we chose to have Christmas without my MIL - she was to come to us for a Christmas day in early January. However, she was not well on the weekend she was due to come and didn't come over. Then she went into hospital for a knee operation and 6 weeks later she passed away! How I wish we had spent Christmas with her now - you just never know what is going to happen! Please consider having her over to yours. A taxi home shouldn't be that expensive if it's walking distance - worth every penny in my opinion.

Your feeling are quite understandable, but in this case the m-in law is in her late 40's....
Anyway, the Op has definitely decided to have her and get her a taxi to go home in.

double_mummy

thanks for all the replies everyone

hubby cant drive due to a medical condition so no lessons for christmas lol MIL is only in her late 40s but seems much older since her divorce around 5 years ago she barely goes out of the house and suffers a lot with her medical conditions she reminds me exactly of my 90 year old grandmother when i was a child i love her to pieces but she is rather hard work. if we dont make plans and sort everything out she wont do anything and then will just call upset that she has been left out etc eg she didnt see our daughter on her birthday as it was a school night and we had already arranged to go over for a big family dinner that weekend to celebrate but she rang at about 10pm saying how left out she felt

the sister doesnt drive and is going to the boyfriends from the 23rd until after new year so she would have been absolutely on her own

maman im not sure why the boys changed their plans either but they just get on and do what they want the luxury of being a single young person

almo hit the nail on the head i rush around every year doing absolutely everything and everyone else sits back and enjoys when everything magically appears on the day

so yes we have decided to have her here for around 3 hours then i will drive her back and enjoy the rest of the day i am seriously cutting down the xmas meal and will be going to the friends for boxing day

i am going to tell OHs siblings that i am booking a holiday for next xmas and if they dont sort something out between themselves then it is down to them they will of had 11 months notice so plenty of time to deal with it - even if we decide not to go on holiday then we can do exactly what we want as many people have said we may have many decades left of this yet

Brighton_belle

double_mummy wrote: »

MIL is only in her late 40s but seems much older since her divorce around 5 years ago she barely goes out of the house and suffers a lot with her medical conditions she reminds me exactly of my 90 year old grandmother when i was a child i love her to pieces but she is rather hard work. if we dont make plans and sort everything out she wont do anything and then will just call upset that she has been left out etc eg she didnt see our daughter on her birthday as it was a school night and we had already arranged to go over for a big family dinner that weekend to celebrate but she rang at about 10pm saying how left out she felt

That is incredibly sad:( It can be very tough with ill health to make a life for yourself, even more so as a single person, but she is allowing herself to be a passive victim ...again very easy, and ok for a while, but my goodness, what a lonely and unfulfilling life she is allowing herself to lead, and at the expense of others little by the sound of it.
She is also being self centred and selfish. Again, I say this with sympathy re her pain/health issues, but guilt tripping others is a rubbish way to engage with people.
Trouble is, only she can get the light bulb moment to start changing how she lives and interacts with others.

Delighted to hear you will not be running round like the proverbial this Christmas magically making it all happen :T

whitewing

I think I would find it very difficult to send someone back to an empty house after 3 hours on Xmas Day.

Don't you know any single gentlemen that may like to come over, lol? Bit of Christmas matchmaking. NB this isn't a serious suggestion, before anyone gets upset.

paulineb_2

I also think 3 hours and then sending someone off home isnt the best idea, you either include someone or you dont. And I agree it must be tough when other people could take their share of helping out, but its one day.

My gran died very suddenly 3 years ago at Christmas, I would give anything to be able to spend another Christmas with her.

barbiedoll

Like OP (and many others, I daresay), I'm working on Christmas Eve.
When I get home, I'll prepare most of the veggies and start sorting out the stuff for the table. DH will help but he needs directions!

On Christmas morning, we get up, open pressies, I make tea and toast then start cooking. DH will drive over to pick up my mum (10 mins drive) and she'll spend the day with us. I don't mind not having a drink, after a near-disaster with a slippery turkey, I stay off the sauce until the evening. :eek: I'll drive my mum home at around 6pm, she's always welcome to stay as long as she wants but she appreciates us inviting her round and doesn't want to outstay her welcome.

The majority of shopping and wrapping, cooking and clearing up etc etc etc, is down to me, as always. We get this idea that Christmas day is supposed to be a fantastic time, with us all wearing our sparkly outfits, whilst magically producing a table full of goodies enhanced by stunning table decorations. We're supposed to provide endless hours of fun and entertainment, and general merriment all round. The reality is just a bigger than usual roast dinner, a load of messy wrapping paper trying to escape from the recycle bin and a gravy-stained apron worn over our lovely Christmas jumper. By the time I sit down to eat my (mostly cold) meal, I've got a hairband shoved on my head, I'm still wearing my pinny and I'm too hot and bothered to even think about food. The afternoon is spent with most of us flaked out in front of the telly or playing Trivial Pursuit (the only game that I like because I mostly win haha!) and with me making endless cups of tea whilst trying to get rid of the tired-looking mince pies and boxes of Ritz crackers. It's the same every year, and I bloody dread it sometimes but what can you do?

Get MIL round, it's just one day. I know it's a hassle but you really couldn't leave her alone for the day with a clear conscience. She will appreciate it, even if she doesn't say so.