christmas dilemma

double_mummy

okay so we have 3 options for christmas this year and we cant decide what to do so any thoughts would be appreciated

1. stay at home just us and kids with me cooking

2. go to my mother in laws with me cooking

3. go to mine and hubbys best friends (kids godparents) with me helping out cooking

my MIL will be on her own if we dont go as hubbys sister is going elsewhere - we have been there every year since being together and it is always very boring and tedious. i really dont want to go but hubby is upset about leaving his mum alone on xmas day. his sister still lives with her but she has decided to go to her boyfriends house for the day instead which means all day she will just complain that the sister isnt there.

also for the first time this year i will be working xmas eve so cooking is either going to be a smaller meal or option 3

going to my family isnt an option as my dad and partner are going away and my mum is going to my sisters and there isnt room for us.

i know we would have much more fun with option 3 but it may make MIL feel even worse that we are going somewhere else which is why i have thrown in option 1 even though i know she would want me to go and collect her (she doesnt drive) and then drop her off which means i couldnt drink on xmas day (normally we walk over to hers but with her health the way it is she wont be able to walk here)

aaarrgh lol just dont really know what to do for the best not to upset my MIL or friends or upset the kids

any thoughts?

mummybearx

Can you invite the MIL to the friends house with you guys?

That way you get different company, and MIL isn't left on her own for Christmas x

eezer

Put the kids first. Stay at home and let them play with their toys. To ease the guilt, maybe go and see the MIL for half an hour, but not at the expense of the kids. They'll be grown up and gone all too soon.

PasturesNew

If she's that close you can walk, could you collect her, but book a taxi to take her home later in the day?

I'd opt for [1] because I think families/kids should stay at home together on Xmas Day and you'd be cooking on any of the choices, so it's much better/nicer to be cooking in your own home with your own things the way you want them, than to cook at somebody else's with their ideas and stuff.

Tiddlywinks

eezer wrote: »

Put the kids first. Stay at home and let them play with their toys. To ease the guilt, maybe go and see the MIL for half an hour, but not at the expense of the kids. They'll be grown up and gone all too soon.

What?

She is the kids' grandma and the partner's mum... I think she deserves more than 30 minutes to ease a conscience.

Glad I have family that are more considerate than you appear to be.

meritaten

why not stay at home - invite MIL - and say you would appreciate her help as you are working this year?
That way, Mil isn't on her own, you get a bit of help and OH doesn't have to feel guilty!

eezer

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

What?

She is the kids' grandma and the partner's mum... I think she deserves more than 30 minutes to ease a conscience.

Glad I have family that are more considerate than you appear to be.

Oh dear!

Read the OP again. Comments like "boring, tedious, don't want to go but hubby is upset" indicates that she is struggling to please everyone and may end up pleasing no-one. Not what christmas is supposed to be about.

double_mummy

thanks for the opinions guys the problem with taking MIL to friends is that their kids would be wondering why their grandma isnt there and i think MIL would be a bit overwhelmed with all the kids

it is normal for the kids to have the mornings here and then go to grandmas at about 1pm

wish MIL would help with the cooking but she never does i cooked 3 weeks after having my son without any help and her health was much better then

eezer you are exactly right i am trying to make sure everyone is happy but i dont think its going to happen this year lol unless i magically clone the whole family a couple of times

McKneff

Please don't leave MIL alone on Christmas day, get her to your house, let her sleep there, take her home next day.


Get out the party games after lunch, it doesn't have to be boring, boring is only if you let it get boring.


If my children could only spare me half an hour on Christmas day I would be so so hurt.


I gotta lump in my throat just thinking about it. I can understand your husband being upset.


Where are your parents in all this then.

Clutterfree

Stay at home and invite MIL over.
That's what we do every year as MIL is on her own too. She doesn't help with cooking either but I wouldn't expect her to.
My MIL never stays late because she knows hubby can't have a drink as he needs to drive her home (about ten mins drive) - that is her choice not something we've insisted upon. If she wants to stay later, it's not a problem.

I can see why your hubby wants her over. Could he not drive her home instead of you?

We have my Dad this year too as he's just moved down after being widowed.

I'd hate to think either of them sitting alone in front of the TV with a ready meal on their knee.

double_mummy

McKneff wrote: »

Please don't leave MIL alone on Christmas day, get her to your house, let her sleep there, take her home next day. she cant sleep over as she has a special bed


Get out the party games after lunch, it doesn't have to be boring, boring is only if you let it get boring. well i cook for most of the day after sorting as much out as i can the day before (which i wont be able to do this year) then the kids are up early so they want a nap mid afternoony with dinner at about 5pm so it does get very samey we play a game do pressies eat watch dr who and go home


If my children could only spare me half an hour on Christmas day I would be so so hurt. the problem is that hubby has 2 brothers who are abroad and a sister who is going to boyfriends for the day but as normal it is down to me and hubby rather than any of the others feeling they have any responsibility towards her


I gotta lump in my throat just thinking about it. I can understand your husband being upset. i can see his POV as well


Where are your parents in all this then.

my dad is going away with his partner and my mum is going to my sisters but there isnt room for us, mum and sister live quite a drive away so i wouldnt want to be doing that on xmas morning we will be seeing them for a weekend in jan and do our xmas with them then and the same with my dad