christmas dilemma

~Chameleon~

newbutold wrote: »

If you do decide on having the mother inlaw over, could your hubby not pick his Mum up & drop her home, enabling you to have a drink

He doesn't drive.

Kynthia

I can understand where you are coming from, but leaving her on her own for the day wouldn't be great and you'd both probably not enjoy the day because of it. I agree with the others about having her round yours and pre-booking a cab home.

The next thing to do is make sure that next year is different. She has other children so you need to tell your hubby to talk to them and tell them it's their turn next year. He needs to be firm, but not make it sound like she's a burden to be passed around. Just that you are prioritising your own family day, or going to see your side of the family and they need to include their mother this time. Then make sure you still do something over the holiday period with her, like visit a day just before or after Christmas, go out for a meal or bring her along when the children visit santa. That's what I would do anyway, but it shouldn't just be you and you OH making the effort and having to compromise your Christmas day every year.

arbroath_lass

double_mummy wrote: »

yeah i think it may the best thing is for us to have her here for a bit with her cabbing it back

i would only get hubby to cook if i wanted to die that is my suicide method lol bless him he is wonderful in many ways but is not blessed in that area!

see you guys always seem to know whats best i bow down to your infinite wisdom!!! :T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

You could always invite your friends too. Even if just for a short while - it would break up the day a bit.


I laughed at your description of your husband's cooking. Mine is similar. Could he maybe prep some veg whilst you are at work?

Bennifred

Make sure you invite her, rather than just assuming she will want to come......:D

double_mummy

Kynthia wrote: »

I can understand where you are coming from, but leaving her on her own for the day wouldn't be great and you'd both probably not enjoy the day because of it. I agree with the others about having her round yours and pre-booking a cab home.

The next thing to do is make sure that next year is different. She has other children so you need to tell your hubby to talk to them and tell them it's their turn next year. He needs to be firm, but not make it sound like she's a burden to be passed around. Just that you are prioritising your own family day, or going to see your side of the family and they need to include their mother this time. Then make sure you still do something over the holiday period with her, like visit a day just before or after Christmas, go out for a meal or bring her along when the children visit santa. That's what I would do anyway, but it shouldn't just be you and you OH making the effort and having to compromise your Christmas day every year.

we did this last year and it seems to not have happened the sister has decided to go to the boyfriends the boys live abroad and were due to come back to visit but have both independently decided not to it was the same story last year but the boys skyped us and the sister spent most of the day in her room. i love my MIL and she was there for us and was pretty much the only one who supported us as a couple and when i had PND but we never get the option of going to my family because we are with her (hence why my dad has gone away this year)

she will be around for a while longer lol she is in her late 40s but has quite a bad back injury which makes it difficult for her to get around and causes her constant pain so she isnt the most joyful person i know this has turned into a little bit of a vent it is keeping me up i am supposed to be asleep now but i just cant nod off with all this whizzing around my mind

itsanne

Could she accompany you to your family or could they come to you at the same time as she does in the future?

Sometimes it's actually easier with more people .

Tiddlywinks

double_mummy wrote: »

.....but we never get the option of going to my family because we are with her (hence why my dad has gone away this year)

It doesn't need to be either your MIL or your family... You could all get together as you are one big extended family.

I was an only child with an elderly mum and we took her with us to OHs family... No questions... We just all used to get together for birthdays, Christmas, new year etc. no distinction between where my family ended and OHs began.

Kynthia

Not in a rude way, but she needs to fit more around your plans from now on. Especially as you are the only ones making any effort to include her on Christmas Day. Therefore it's not selfish to have her round yours or send her home in a cab, or only have her round for half the day for some reason, and in future to have her accompany you if you go to your family.

duchy

Wow

Christmas at my house as a child was always a bit tense as one parent was Christian and the other wasn't - and felt guilty to be "celebrating it" even in a secular way (no church) but wanted us kids to have all the fun of Christmas. That said we always invited the Jewish aunties over -and all bar one always accepted for the wohole day (the other kept kosher so would just come to tea and we'd spend hours checking labels to make sure we didn't give her anything that might send her straight to hell LOL) so I was raised to believe that no matter what you don't leave anyone alone on Christmas day and over tjhe years I've had both family and friends at one time or another join us.

If you have Christmas in your home you can set the agenda - pick her up at a time that suits you ...eg if you want to do stockings with the kids first pick her up about ten. As for working Christmas eve....I've worked a part of Christmas day every year for the past six years all but the last one I still cooked a full Christmas dinner ( and tea) I usually worked whilst everyone snoozed between lunch and tea.....and it really isn't that hard to do a full Christmas dinner without driving yourself crazy- just plan ahead and cheat a bit with preprepared veg , pigs etc . I honestly don't find XChristmas dinner any more stressful than a normal roast -just a bit more care with timing as there's more dishes.

Christmas is about families -and it sounds like leaving her alone would probably leave both you and your husband feeling uncomfortable and it'd spoil your day.

As for boring.....any event is boring if you don't put a bit of effort in. Plan the day ..... do silly touches like if you're all watching a (preselected) movie on TV - hand out lollies or popcorn ......find a board game you can all play - .....plan tea time and taxi home after - but do ask her what she wants to do.She may say she'd really rather just come for lunch for example and go home before tea (might save you the cost of a taxi if you wait to drink later)

Whatever you decide to do -just enjoy it - you never know what is around the corner ...I envy my OH at Christmas as his parents are still going strong whilst mine are both dead. I'm glad I never excluded them from any of my Christmases ......even if at times - like you the logistics got a bit complicated.

seven-day-weekend

We spent many years having boring and fraught Christmases with my widowed m-i-l. There was no way we could have left her alone, even though she made life difficult.

Bring her over to your house and get a taxi back is what I would suggest. Or take her back at about 4-5 o' clock which is what we used to do, then you can have a drink when you get back,