In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

notanewuser

gozaimasu wrote: »

Why would you tell the SIL instead of your brother? Is she expected to get a separate and additional present to the actual uncle of the children?

I don't have a brother. It's DH's brother's wife. The men in DH's family don't get involved in this stuff. (Rolls eyes).

In fact 2 out of 3 uncles haven't bothered in the last couple of years. I'm done trying now. Sod 'em.

POPPYOSCAR

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Wow, I'm surprised do people really not let each other know how they feel in situations like this? Doesn't not being honest cause more problems / resentment in the long run. To those suggesting that any malice was intended please don't be ridiculous.

You seem to be missing the point here.

What have you achieved?

coolcait

meritaten wrote: »

But - wouldn't you all have turned round and gone back home? if they felt offended why stay? why not say 'scuse me but - it couldn't be helped and we came THIS weekend?' why say nothing and then text you were offended?

Equally, why didn't the OP say something at the point when the cousin said that they couldn't come to the 2 year old's birthday party?

Or when the cousin said that they would come to visit the following weekend?

Why say nothing and then, after a week, after they have travelled three hours to get there, tell them that you're pee'd off with them?

I agree with those who think the OP is out of order on this one.

I'm not inclined to penalise the cousin for having the ability to keep a brave face on it for the duration of the visit - despite the way the OP behaved.

Basically, the cousin exercised the right to say what she thought/how she felt. Exactly as the OP did.

Person_one

The way this should have played out:

Cousin - I'm really sorry, OH has been told at the last minute he has to work, we're really disappointed to miss the party.

OP - That's a real shame, we're sorry we won't see you but don't worry that's life, thanks for letting us know.

Cousin - Maybe we could drive up next weekend to see the little one and catch up?

OP - That sounds great, look forward to seeing you OR actually that's a bad weekend, let me look in the diary and get back to you.

Bam. Done. Nothing else needed. No reason for OP to be 'peed' off at all.

Dunroamin

notanewuser wrote: »

Is it? We did it as part of her birthday party, not as an event on its own.

I think that's quite unusual, especially having a naming ceremony at the age of two.

Still, I hope it all went well.

notanewuser

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think that's quite unusual, especially having a naming ceremony at the age of two.

Still, I hope it all went well.

It did. Thank you. Can't believe it was a year ago!!!

Today's was a dedication and 2nd birthday party. They did the same for his sibling a few years back. Much nicer IMO as they can take a slightly more active part in proceedings than when a few months old!!

itsanne

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Wow, I'm surprised do people really not let each other know how they feel in situations like this? Doesn't not being honest cause more problems / resentment in the long run. To those suggesting that any malice was intended please don't be ridiculous.

More problems than you've ended up with?

It's nothing to do with being honest in this instance. The problem you now have stems from a lack of perspective on your part.

Unfortunately, I can anticipate further problems because you don't want to accept what everyone here, bar one, thinks - that you were in the wrong.

It would make more sense to think that a virtually unanimous response suggests that the best way forward, assuming you would like to retain what does appear to have been a good relationship, is to admit you handled things badly and apologise. In the long run that's the only way you'll put things right.

pearl123

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Wow, I'm surprised do people really not let each other know how they feel in situations like this? Doesn't not being honest cause more problems / resentment in the long run. To those suggesting that any malice was intended please don't be ridiculous.

Sounds like you need lessons in being a gracious host! :eek:

Lesson one - you welcome people into your home and make them feel comfortable!

neverdespairgirl

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Wow, I'm surprised do people really not let each other know how they feel in situations like this? Doesn't not being honest cause more problems / resentment in the long run. To those suggesting that any malice was intended please don't be ridiculous.

Sometimes "being honest" means "throwing a tantrum because I don't get my own way".

I've never been to a 2 year old's birthday party, apart from my own son's, and I might have attended a few as a 2 year old (I can't remember).

My son's 2nd to 8th birthday parties were attended by my mother, OH and me, and that was it on the family front. My Dad, sisters and brother didn't come. Didn't occur to me to throw a hissy fit because of it. We went down to my parents' house instead a weekend near his birthday, and my siblings (who live nearby) wished him many happy returns and handed over requisite noisy presents then.

Why should anyone possibly be upset?

My sister's a coeliac, and it would never occur to me that she should be more grateful / more punctual / etc as a visitor than a person who eats anything handy.

GracieP

My SIL is a coeliac and I find that almost everything special I buy for her has quite a long life, so would easily last an extra week if her visit was delayed. However a lot of gluten free food is expensive and not great tasting so I tend to bake for her instead. If she didn't show up after I'd baked especially for her, I'd just serve her food to the other guests as it's just gluten free, not poisonous to non-coeliacs.