In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

couponqueen123

notanewuser wrote: »

As for your question, OP, I am yet to tell my SIL that as she hasn't bothered getting DD a Xmas or birthday present for the last 2 years (she's just turned 3) her 2 won't be getting anything this year.

surely you don't give to receive? i couldn't leave the kids out just because the adults forgot ,didnt give anything ,

troubleinparadise

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Oops. Mine was a tongue in cheek post, sorry. I'm really not planning to mastermind revenge.

Sorry from me for a too serious response - I'm still paying for a "speaking out of turn" offence 7 years ago, with someone who refused to accept my several (and public) apologies, so I'm probably a bit over-sensitive But perhaps I valued the friendship more than they did, in terms of making it up....

Don't worry, I assumed the a) option wasn't top of your list!

But I've seen the revenge plan being put into operation over a storm in a thimble, and been amazed at the amount of righteous indignation over the tiniest perceived offence, and the consequences of the fallout can ruin friendships/family relationships for life!

bestpud

Did you discuss the party in the months between the invite and the birthday, OP?

I'm wondering if they simply forgot about it if you told them months ago? Or maybe they just hadn't realised how big an event it was for you.

I don't think it would have been awful of you to say how disappointed you were when they cancelled but it seems a bit OTT to tell them off a week later.

However, I can actually understand you feeling a bit peeved about the food - most people I know with specific dietary requirements are aware of the extra work and/or expense and try not to drop out last minute.

It's not worth a family rift though - put it behind you and hopefully they will do the same.

arbroath_lass

bestpud wrote: »

However, I can actually understand you feeling a bit peeved about the food - most people I know with specific dietary requirements are aware of the extra work and/or expense and try not to drop out last minute.

It was only gluten free, though, so although a bit more expensive, it could be eaten by others.



Or frozen as has already been suggested.

gozaimasu

notanewuser wrote: »

As for your question, OP, I am yet to tell my SIL that as she hasn't bothered getting DD a Xmas or birthday present for the last 2 years (she's just turned 3) her 2 won't be getting anything this year.

Why would you tell the SIL instead of your brother? Is she expected to get a separate and additional present to the actual uncle of the children?

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Do people always invite loads of adults to a children's party and, if so, why?

Not always, but sometimes, and usually because they enjoy each other's company and care about each other's families.

In this situation though, I don't really know why.

Kynthia

Wow, I'm shocked! OP I think you are very rude and if I was your cousin I certainly wouldn't be making the 6 hour round trip to visit you again.

I can understand you being disappointed that they couldn't make your child's birthday party. However a cousin's young child's party is not a big deal. I certainly wouldn't expect someone to book a day off work for it. Also, they let you know they couldn't make it and their short notice didn't affect you significantly in any way, such as non-refundable tickets for an event or they were required to drive other key family members with no time to find an alternative. Therefore being pee'd off is an over-reaction.

Then when they offered to make the long journey to see you all the following weekend you accepted. They made the effort to see you, and you waited until they were in your home turf and blindsided them with your feelings. You told them you were p*ssed off (which is what pee'd off is short for) and thought that was okay. If it was so important to you that they knew this, you should have done it before they were in your environment, out of their comfort zone and three hours from home. They clearly didn't want to be over-reacting and storming off right there and then, or perhaps they were shocked and needed to think about things first. However, like you they feel you should know how they feel and they are upset and in this case I fully understand why.

So to summarise, your being pee'd off seems excessive considering it wasn't your wedding it was a child's party, and how you went about dealing with it wasn't very nice.

Dunroamin

notanewuser wrote: »

We held a naming ceremony for DD on her 2nd birthday. Hence more adults than kids.

A naming ceremony or baptism is quite a different thing from a child's birthday party though.

notanewuser

couponqueen123 wrote: »

surely you don't give to receive? i couldn't leave the kids out just because the adults forgot ,didnt give anything ,

Not generally, no. But having gone all out when she invited them down for the weekend that their daughter was turning 2 (organised lovely day out, homemade birthday cake, catered to their every whim all weekend) I thought she might manage a card (at least) for DD!!!

Once I could accept as a mistake. Twice had me wondering. Three times had me fuming and this, frankly, is the last straw.

(She also kept the stuff we lent them for the first child they had for their second. I could live with that. But she's now lent/given it all to somebody else without even asking if it was okay. Bloody rude IMO.)

notanewuser

Dunroamin wrote: »

A naming ceremony or baptism is quite a different thing from a child's birthday party though.

Is it? We did it as part of her birthday party, not as an event on its own.