In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

Tyler_Du

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Letting someone visit just to then give them a row seems rather excessive to me. Did he know/expect you to buy in special food for him?

We didn't let them visit just to have a row, we always get special food for my cousins husband when they visit

notanewuser

As for your question, OP, I am yet to tell my SIL that as she hasn't bothered getting DD a Xmas or birthday present for the last 2 years (she's just turned 3) her 2 won't be getting anything this year.

Person_one

Nothing was gained by telling them off, the only result is that they probably felt really awkward all day after driving three hours to see you.

They had a legitimate reason why they couldn't make it (and let's face it, a toddler's party is not an emergency, or likely to be a high priority for their parent's cousin) and they offered to make the journey on a different date so that they'd still see you and the little one.

They did nothing wrong, and you owe them an apology.

Tiddlywinks

Good grief, you're coming across like you expected them to come and pay homage to a member of the royal family!

It's a child's party! The guy had to work, sometimes that happens at short notice.

Or maybe they anticipated the drama queen reaction and were putting off telling you because they couldn't face the wrath.

Get over yourselves.

HPoirot

No apologies needed, you did welcome them into your home and spent the day with them. Although, you could have said something before they arrived, they have not acted graciously either by deciding to be upset after accepting your hospitality for the day. If anything more is said this risks turning into long winded dramatics.

Torry_Quine

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

We didn't let them visit just to have a row, we always get special food for my cousins husband when they visit

Did you give him the food this week instead though?

KiKi

"I was invited to my cousin's daughter's two year old birthday party last week. Unfortunately at the last minute my husband had to work, so I called them to let them know we wouldn't be able to come. I felt really bad, but there was nothing we could do - and it was a 3 hour drive away which I would have had to do on my own.

They always make such an effort when they see us, so I knew they would be disappointed, so we suggested we meet the following weekend. Because we were the ones who cancelled, I suggested we go to theirs to minimise disruption for them.

When we arrived, they sat us down and told us how upset they were with us, and how much we has p*ssed them off. I was shocked, as they hadn't said anything at the time. I didn't say anything, then, as it was a bit of a shock, and I didn't want to ruin the weekend for the kids.

When I got home I was really upset - we couldn't go to the party, and we made such an effort to make up for it. What more were we supposed to do? I don't understand why they're so p*ssed off with us. They chose to buy my husband some gluten-free food for when we were there, but I can't believe that that's the reason they're annoyed, surely? Because they bought gluten-free food on the weekend of the party which they then didn't use? Really?"


OP, there's more to life than gluten-free food. Apologise to them and make friends again and value the family you have; anything could happen tomorrow and such silly pettiness isn't worth your family.

KiKi

meritaten

I see this from a different perspective. They were given plenty of notice of the party. the guy works weekend shifts - so that he can 'rearrange his shifts'. they phone up the night before party - they cant come and 'INVITE THEMSELVES' for the next weekend? that's rude for a start!
they turn up and their host tells them how they felt - they then spend the weekend there, enjoying their host hospitality and only when they get home feel upset? and text that they were upset?
I am not 100% on OPs side - I wouldn't have let them invite themselves for weekend for one. if they can arrange a weekend off why couldn't they do that for the little ones birthday party?
but, I think this cousin is taking the Micheal!

KiKi

meritaten wrote: »

I see this from a different perspective. They were given plenty of notice of the party. the guy works weekend shifts - so that he can 'rearrange his shifts'. they phone up the night before party - they cant come

Maybe things changed.

and 'INVITE THEMSELVES' for the next weekend? that's rude for a start!

Or maybe they were trying to make up for missing the party?

they turn up and their host tells them how they felt - they then spend the weekend there, enjoying their host hospitality and only when they get home feel upset? and text that they were upset?

Not everyone processes everything immediately. Some people reflect on things and then have a reaction. Equally, they may have been very upset but put on a front so as to not create friction in front of the kids.

After all, the OP took a week to tell the cousin they were upset with them...

if they can arrange a weekend off why couldn't they do that for the little ones birthday party?

Not everyone's able to organise shift work around their family.

Either way, if the family are close enough in their relationship to drive 3 hours to spend time together, they're not worth losing.

KiKi

marisco_2

Your cousin phoned and let you know that she and her husband would not be attending your daughters party. She may have left it as late as the day before to cancel, because they had been trying to work a way around her husbands' work schedule so they could still come. Did you check this with her? Could the food you had bought to cater for the mans dietary needs not have just been frozen?

The cousin and her husband made the effort to come and see you the following weekend. You repay this effort by making them welcome and then telling them they pee'd you off. What an awkward and embarrassing position to put them in. Totally unnecessary. I am not at all surprised they felt upset and were unable to address this with you face to face.