In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

notanewuser

themull1 wrote: »

Our kids just have their own friends for parties, we wouldn't dream of inviting relatives that had to travel for ages unless it was a 21st 40th etc..certainly not just for a bog standard birthday.

With the lack of effort their parents make, my DD wouldn't recognise her cousins if we didn't go.

Mr_Toad

meritaten wrote: »

But - despite the OP giving them plenty of notice of the party - they ring up the night before and say they aren't coming. now in my book that it is not on unless there is an emergency. then they INVITE themselves for the next weekend? dunno about you, but I am not very keen on people inviting themselves to my house.

Good grief!

Are you and the OP really that selfish?

On behalf of all those people who have spent their life working odd hours or who were on call I despair of your attitude and complete lack of understanding.

Fortunately my friends and family were less self centred when it came to situations like this as I've lost count of the times this has happened to me and I've had to let friends and family down.

I've been in the middle of a meal when I've been called out. I've been got out of bed in the middle of the night and sometimes ten minutes after getting home from one call I've had to go on another. I've had to leave my family in the middle of weddings, days out and weekends away.

I was even flown home halfway round the world two weeks into a three week holiday!

People have gone off sick and I've been called in to cover, we don't all have jobs where time off is set in stone and can't be changed at the last minute.

Where would we all be if things simply stopped?

I'm sorry sir/madam but <insert something here> isn't going to happen because so and so isn't working today, he's gone to some 2 year old's birthday party in the next county.

And perhaps they invited themselves the following weekend because they really wanted to see the OP only to be met with a telling off. Priceless!

roses

I think you should call them and apologise.

claire16c

ash28 wrote: »

Yes we do it too - on a regular basis as our children and young grandchildren live almost 170 miles away - a 6 hour round trip or an overnight or weekend stay in a hotel.

And young nieces and nephews live in the opposite direction - over 200miles and yes we do that too.

However if I couldn't make it for whatever reason - even at the last minute - I wouldn't expect my children or my brother, sisters, aunts or uncles to tell me how p1ssed off they are at me.

Sometimes you accept an invitation and fully plan on going to the party/event but unfortunately life can get in the way of the most well laid plans....that could be work, illness, accident - anything. I would cancel and not expect to be given a hard time when I next visited.

The week before last our daughter rang up and asked if she and her young baby could come up on their own for a few days and as she isn't too confident driving such a distance with the baby yet, she asked if one of us could pick her up....and take her home - 170 miles each way and about 3 hours of the A1, M25 and either M4 or M40 from here to Reading.....she cancelled the day before.......OH had cancelled plans to go and get her....was he annoyed - yes. I just told him to get over himself. Life's too short.

He has gone to get her today, a week later.....he won't say anything to her about how annoyed he was with her and I wouldn't expect him to. Her plans had changed and we accept that.......

It would nice and simple if we could always stick to a plan.....but the best plan is to plan for the unexpected.

Sounds just like my journey from nearish Reading to my SIL in the midlands! Hell going back on a Sunday afternoon it's always bad traffic so I kind of don't blame your daughter for not being confident yet. But yeah she probably should have given you more notice!

Billie-S

Mr_Toad wrote: »

Good grief!

Are you and the OP really that selfish?

On behalf of all those people who have spent their life working odd hours or who were on call I despair of your attitude and complete lack of understanding.

Fortunately my friends and family were less self centred when it came to situations like this as I've lost count of the times this has happened to me and I've had to let friends and family down.

I've been in the middle of a meal when I've been called out. I've been got out of bed in the middle of the night and sometimes ten minutes after getting home from one call I've had to go on another. I've had to leave my family in the middle of weddings, days out and weekends away.

I was even flown home halfway round the world two weeks into a three week holiday!

People have gone off sick and I've been called in to cover, we don't all have jobs where time off is set in stone and can't be changed at the last minute.

What are you? A spy???! :eek:

OrkneyStar

notanewuser wrote: »

Did it yesterday - 170 miles each way for a little boy we aren't related to. It's not really a big deal, is it?

We do 5 500 mile round trips with £300 hotel bills a year for our 5 nieces' and nephews' birthdays. If you say you'll be there you should be there.

At what age is it worth it? 5? 8? 10? At those ages they're more likely to be having the sort of party that adults can't come to anyway!!!

It's probably subjective I'd say.
We live on an island (1.5 hour, often rough, crossing- £130 for us and car) and then a 300 mile (each way) drive to see my niece and nephew (£50 odd diesel each way), takes approx 10 hours with boat and road part (windy roads, so lots of low mph average far north!). Luckily they are older now and wouldn't expect it but when I moved here my nephew was only 4, there was no way I'd have been able to make his parties! Equally I wouldn't expect them to travel here for DS. Also not everyone can afford diesel for even a 100 mile round trip and hotels and so on.

Billie-S

OrkneyStar wrote: »

It's probably subjective I'd say.
We live on an island (1.5 hour, often rough, crossing- £130 for us and car) and then a 300 mile (each way) drive to see my niece and nephew (£50 odd diesel each way), takes approx 10 hours with boat and road part (windy roads, so lots of low mph average far north!). Luckily they are older now and wouldn't expect it but when I moved here my nephew was only 4, there was no way I'd have been able to make his parties! Equally I wouldn't expect them to travel here for DS. Also not everyone can afford diesel for even a 100 mile round trip and hotels and so on.

Is it the Orkneys you live by any chance?

Seriously, I agree. Petrol costs a mint, and even in a small-ish. good economy car, a 300 mile round trip would have cost anything from about £45 to £50.

OrkneyStar

Billie-S wrote: »

Is it the Orkneys you live by any chance?

Seriously, I agree. Petrol costs a mint, and even in a small-ish. good economy car, a 300 mile round trip would have cost anything from about £45 to £50.

Folk here don't like us saying 'The Orkneys', lol, prefer the Orkney Islands, but my name kinda gives it away doesn't it? Our car is a decent diesel and for our just under 600 mile round trip we use just under a tankful- roughly half a tank each way, which costs us about £65-80, we get around 60mpg on long journeys though, a lot of cars will get less than that. I wouldn't be too keen on going out my way, using fuel etc, just to be given a telling off- no thanks!

Billie-S

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Folk here don't like us saying 'The Orkneys', lol, but my name kinda gives it away doesn't it? Our car is a decent diesel and for our just under 600 mile round trip we use just under a tankful- roughly half a tank each way, which costs us about £65-80, we get around 60mpg on long journeys thot though, a lot of cars will get less than that. I wouldn't be too keen on going out my way, using fuel etc, just to be given a telling off- no thanks!

What DO they want people to call it then?

lostinrates

Billie-S wrote: »

What are you? A spy???! :eek:

That sort of schedule happens to us too. My husband is not a spy, he is a lawyer.