In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

troubleinparadise

Has anybody got a suggestion on how to handle a situation when you are told by someone that what you have said to them has hurt them and they are angry, but they refuse to be specific or discuss the situation in an attempt to put it right, and they do not acknowledge or accept your apologies?

And then they either cancel out of arrangements at short notice when you are to meet, or won't initiate a greeting when you then do meet, or indeed just don't speak at all?

I'm guessing this is passive aggressive handling of a difficult situation, but it makes it impossible to deal with and move on.

tea_lover

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

(we are a 3 hour drive away)

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

the journey was more like 2 hours rather than 3 btw.

Bit of selective fact-editing there OP.

Person_one

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

D
I will ensure this doesn't turn into a family rift.

Does that mean you're going to apologise?

Please don't make it one of those insincere 'I'm sorry you're upset, but not sorry for what I did' non apologies.

LannieDuck

troubleinparadise wrote: »

Has anybody got a suggestion on how to handle a situation when you are told by someone that what you have said to them has hurt them and they are angry, but they refuse to be specific or discuss the situation in an attempt to put it right, and they do not acknowledge or accept your apologies?

And then they either cancel out of arrangements at short notice when you are to meet, or won't initiate a greeting when you then do meet, or indeed just don't speak at all?

I'm guessing this is passive aggressive handling of a difficult situation, but it makes it impossible to deal with and move on.

Now that's passive aggressive.

claire16c

Op what you did was rude and unnecessary.

I've not always been able to make my nieces party who is a 2 hour drive away, so yes we've basically said well come up the weekend after instead. If that's 'inviting ourselves' it's normally welcomed!

My SIL doesn't care - that way we get quality time with our niece instead of being 2 in 25 people there and her barely noticing us.

We'll go to the party if we can, if we can't it's no big deal.

And maybe he was called into work at short notice, or maybe one of them had an embarrassing personal problem or something & they used that as an excuse.

I'm sure they didn't expect to come to to yours the following weekend after a long drive and get verbal abuse!

Oh and my mil & SIL are gluten free and they normally bring their own stuff or I'd get a couple of bits. You don't need to cater for an army for one person!

Tyler_Du

tea_lover wrote: »

Bit of selective fact-editing there OP.

Not at all, they said it took 3 hours, we have been to visit them plenty of times and it normally takes just over 2 hours (125 miles). With traffic / breaks yes it could take 3 hours I guess.

Billie-S

Person_one wrote: »

Does that mean you're going to apologise?

Please don't make it one of those insincere 'I'm sorry you're upset, but not sorry for what I did' non apologies.

They're the worst kind.

tea_lover

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Not at all, they said it took 3 hours, we have been to visit them plenty of times and it normally takes just over 2 hours (125 miles). With traffic / breaks yes it could take 3 hours I guess.

They could live next door, you were still rude and out of order. the fact that they had to travel for many hours for this just makes your behaviour worse.

Billie-S

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Not at all, they said it took 3 hours, we have been to visit them plenty of times and it normally takes just over 2 hours (125 miles). With traffic / breaks yes it could take 3 hours I guess.

You may even be able to to it in one hour in a helicopter, or it may take four hours if you spend half the journey stuck behind a car towing a caravan ... it could even take up to ten hours by bicycle, or 25 minutes by passenger jet.

Kynthia

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Not at all, they said it took 3 hours, we have been to visit them plenty of times and it normally takes just over 2 hours (125 miles). With traffic / breaks yes it could take 3 hours I guess.

I don't think this will change anyone's conments or opinions on the matter. Even if it was only an hour a way, all it would do is reduce the effort we feel they had made to see you the following weekend and wouldn't change my opinion that you over reacted and were rude. I hope you work things out as it would be a shame otherwise.