In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

neverdespairgirl

January20 wrote: »

Your cousin's husband must have known well in advance what his shifts were going to be, and in view of the fact you had to buy special food for him, because of his food intolerance, I think you were right to air your displeasure.

Why "must he have known"? There are very many jobs (including mine) where I get perhaps an hour or two's notice that I'll need to work at night / over the weekend. And my OH's, too, for that matter.

Tropez

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Why "must he have known"? There are very many jobs (including mine) where I get perhaps an hour or two's notice that I'll need to work at night / over the weekend. And my OH's, too, for that matter.

Same here. The nature of my job requires me to sometimes work at very short notice and at all sorts of odd hours and there's a number of regular shift-workers at our company that don't get their shifts for the following week until either Friday or Sunday because of the way work comes in and is subsequently allocated.

While we can make some allowances for people who request that specific shifts aren't handed to them, there are occasions where things crop up unexpectedly and people have to work. I'm sure this has put a dampener on all sorts of plans in the past but it is the way it is.

mummyroysof3

I'm glad my family is a lot more relaxed about these things. Being 250 mile away means we aren't expected to attend events without callings out about it.

ash28

notanewuser wrote: »

Did it yesterday - 170 miles each way for a little boy we aren't related to. It's not really a big deal, is it?

We do 5 500 mile round trips with £300 hotel bills a year for our 5 nieces' and nephews' birthdays. If you say you'll be there you should be there.

At what age is it worth it? 5? 8? 10? At those ages they're more likely to be having the sort of party that adults can't come to anyway!!!

Yes we do it too - on a regular basis as our children and young grandchildren live almost 170 miles away - a 6 hour round trip or an overnight or weekend stay in a hotel.

And young nieces and nephews live in the opposite direction - over 200miles and yes we do that too.

However if I couldn't make it for whatever reason - even at the last minute - I wouldn't expect my children or my brother, sisters, aunts or uncles to tell me how p1ssed off they are at me.

Sometimes you accept an invitation and fully plan on going to the party/event but unfortunately life can get in the way of the most well laid plans....that could be work, illness, accident - anything. I would cancel and not expect to be given a hard time when I next visited.

The week before last our daughter rang up and asked if she and her young baby could come up on their own for a few days and as she isn't too confident driving such a distance with the baby yet, she asked if one of us could pick her up....and take her home - 170 miles each way and about 3 hours of the A1, M25 and either M4 or M40 from here to Reading.....she cancelled the day before.......OH had cancelled plans to go and get her....was he annoyed - yes. I just told him to get over himself. Life's too short.

He has gone to get her today, a week later.....he won't say anything to her about how annoyed he was with her and I wouldn't expect him to. Her plans had changed and we accept that.......

It would nice and simple if we could always stick to a plan.....but the best plan is to plan for the unexpected.

duchy

I'm still wondering why the OP posted....... He obviously feels he is right so why ask other people ? (unless other members of his family have told him he was wrong and he was hoping for validation from strangers)

Anyway if he hasn't apologized yet odds are the damage is done and he won't need to be buying gluten free anything in the future.

Gra76

I can understand the mild annoyance that you bought in some 'special food' for dietary requirements, but really that's all it should have been at the most. Mild annoyance.

It certainly wouldn't warrant mentioning in my book. Was it worth it?

Surely at some point in the week inbetween you must have thought "Ah, what the hell, I'll let it go"...

I'd have been crafty and used the gluten-free buns etc to feed the kids with...then it wouldn't have been wasted and they wouldn't have known the difference anyway!

paulineb_2

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

It was my daughter's 2nd birthday last weekend, we had invited about 20 close friends and family to come and celebrate with us, some people could not come and let us know weeks in advance. We were a little disappointed at this but understood the reasons why they couldn't come.
Now, the day before the party my cousin calls at 17.00 to say that her and her husband can't come because he has to work. Now we knew her husband works weekend shifts so we let them know months in advance to cater for this. We suggested that my cousin could still come, but she didn't want to (we are a 3 hour drive away) and she invited herself (and hubby) to ours this weekend instead.
I should add that the husband is gluten intolerant and we had (as we always do) got gluten free bread, cakes and biscuits in for him.

Initially I didn't want them to come but agreed with my wife that they could as long as we let them know how much they had pee'd us off.
So they came yesterday, we let them in and made them welcome and had a brew, at this point I said that we were really disappointed they couldn't come to the party and that in all honesty they had pee'd us off a bit, basically we said we just had to get it off our chest and we just wanted to let them know how we felt.
The rest of the day was fine, we went out for lunch etc, nothing more was said and they left with (or so we thought) everyone happy.

Earlier today my wife gets a txt from my cousins husband saying how upset they were that I had said something to them :undecided

Initially you didnt want them to come, but you changed your mind on the condition you let them know just how much they had pee'd you off?

And you made them welcome and then told them this? Not really a welcome is it?

If someone has to work, they have to work, last minute or not. The issue here is that you only saw this from your own point of view, not the other parties and you would have been better clearing the air before they came to visit the next weekend. You could have phoned them or if you really didnt want to see them, you could have arranged another visit once you had cooled down a bit.

lostinrates

Gra76 wrote: »

I can understand the mild annoyance that you bought in some 'special food' for dietary requirements, but really that's all it should have been at the most. Mild annoyance.

It certainly wouldn't warrant mentioning in my book. Was it worth it?

Surely at some point in the week inbetween you must have thought "Ah, what the hell, I'll let it go"...

I'd have been crafty and used the gluten-free buns etc to feed the kids with...then it wouldn't have been wasted and they wouldn't have known the difference anyway!

Imagine the annoyance one feels at having to buy such food routinely, the extra expense and health related problems! Puts your child centric cousin who cannot see past the end of their own nose into perspective a little I think.

Op, its natural to be a little annoyed when plans are changed . Its not natural to be so annoyed as to harbour resentment, or take issue with them when best has been done to make amends. As someone who,perhaps like you, hates changed plans, I urge you to take stock and try to recognise when its one own centre that's off base. It makes ones world happier place to be, as well as life easier for those around you.

Acc72

randomnut wrote: »

If I were in that position you'd have gotten a swift hiding.

You've gotta love the internet ! ...............

themull1

notanewuser wrote: »

Did it yesterday - 170 miles each way for a little boy we aren't related to. It's not really a big deal, is it?

We do 5 500 mile round trips with £300 hotel bills a year for our 5 nieces' and nephews' birthdays. If you say you'll be there you should be there.

At what age is it worth it? 5? 8? 10? At those ages they're more likely to be having the sort of party that adults can't come to anyway!!!

Our kids just have their own friends for parties, we wouldn't dream of inviting relatives that had to travel for ages unless it was a 21st 40th etc..certainly not just for a bog standard birthday.