Seeing your partner once a week

lostinrates

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

What's once a week?

Is it for an hour once a week, an evening or a weekend?

My now husband lived some distance away when we first met so we only saw each other at weekends. That wasn't enough.

Where as mine works away weekdays so we also only get weekends. Would we like more...of course, but its enough because we'd rather have weekends together than whole weeks with anyone else.

We've been fortnightly too when he was in another country. Previously we've lived and worked together 24/7 and found that fine too. We're a couple come and would find that 'preferable' in someways, but I find the weekly thing has been 'good for us' in other ways. Its also a pattern we were familiar with from our parents so its not alien to us.

danih

My husband and I were students when we met. We had periods of a few months at a time when we only saw each other 2 or 3 times a month - happened a few times a year for 3 years. We both knew it was a time limited situation - wouldn't have worked for us as a long term situation.

CC-Warrior

Dunroamin wrote: »

It also depends on why you only see them once a week

Not due to distance, but because any more than once a week is 'sometimes too much' to one of the parties...wants marriage, house and long term future though. Yes.

The once a week rule is a recurring pattern looking back at previous relationships.

CC-Warrior

jansus wrote: »

Depends if there is any other communication or not, and as others have said the reason.
If you chat in other ways as well as see them once a week then i would say yes.

No speaking on the telephone, but exchange a few text messages.

CC-Warrior

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

What's once a week?

Is it for an hour once a week, an evening or a weekend?

My now husband lived some distance away when we first met so we only saw each other at weekends. That wasn't enough.

For around six hours on a Sunday.

Tiglath

Dunroamin wrote: »

Not meaning to nit pick but I can't see how you can describe someone you only see once a week as a partner .

You'd be surprised - my sister hasn't seen her husband for 3 months, and probably won't now he's got his residence visa or whatever it's called, but she still thinks she has a husband.

Tropez

So you see each other for six hours a week because any longer than that is considered "sometimes too much" and you don't talk at any other time than a few text messages?

Not quite seeing how marriage and a long-term future is going to work if you're purposely spending time apart in this manner.

CC-Warrior

Tropez wrote: »

So you see each other for six hours a week because any longer than that is considered "sometimes too much" and you don't talk at any other time than a few text messages?

Not quite seeing how marriage and a long-term future is going to work if you're purposely spending time apart in this manner.

I agree. I don't think it's normal.

krlyr

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Not due to distance, but because any more than once a week is 'sometimes too much' to one of the parties...wants marriage, house and long term future though. Yes.

The once a week rule is a recurring pattern looking back at previous relationships.

I think the key point here is that the situation suits one of the parties but not the other.

Relationships all work in very different ways. OH and I were like smitten teens, we barely went a day without seeing each other right from day one. However, I know my brother and his girlfriend saw each other a lot less frequently at times in their relationship, because of distance, work, etc. - yet we've both been seeing our partners and living with them about the same amount of time (them slightly longer, infact). So from that aspect, both "methods" seemed to work.

However, if one person in the relationship wants one arrangement, and the other wants differently, I'd be questioning how well that relationship would pan out long term. Which party would be expected to change or compromise, and would they be happy with that change?

I had an ex who wasn't much for texting, and we didn't see each other more than once or twice a week. I put up with it for far longer than I should have, simply for the sake of being in a relationship (looking back, I don't even know why!). So when I met OH, it was a real bonus that he was just as keen to text-chat as me, we had messenger apps on our phone and 'chatted' into the early hours of the night, we couldn't wait to schedule our first date, second date, third date..and he practically moved in within weeks (officially moved in after 4 months). I wouldn't say I'm a clingy person at all, but I love to spend time with the people I love. Others are happier with different arrangements..but the key is the being happy part.

Brighton_belle

That's a huge leap from finding more than 6 hrs often 'too much' to thinking that marriage and long term commitment will happen. I'm not saying it won't but at the moment that thought can only be based on fantasy.
Starting slow can he healthy and good. But I think you need to set some loose time boundary on how long you wait for this to start changing: if this is still the same in 6 months, I would suggest there might be insurmountable issues here.

We started our relationship quite slowly, and I don't think either of us could have gone form nothing to living in each their pockets in a few months. But gradually we saw more and more of each other, are now married and very rarely apart.