Its a little bit complicated

lynzpower

poppy

I jusrt wanted to send you a hug, and say i am thinking of you. xxx

ailuro2

Poppy- could you set up a Myspace where she could find you? If she has access to a pc do you think she would google anyone's name- it's free to set up, and you could put up a picture of something you would both recognise as a sign that you were who you said you were...you can't exactly post names and home telphone numbers, but an e-mail address for her to get in touch would be feasible. Set up a few with your name and home town in your screenname. set one up in her name too- say you are looking for her- any friends she has may pick up on it and get it to her?

Stay strong, my very best wishes to you all.:grouphug:

mae

poppyscorner wrote: »

No she hasn't she has never been allowed contact that is without her mother being there since everthing surfaced about what happened to us and that was ten years ago it is her behaviour that concerns me of what I can remember of her rocking backwards and forwards wrapped up in a tight ball crying but did not know what was wrong and small things in her behaviour back then always left me with the suspicion that something was going on and after we my mum questioned her mum about it she took her away and we haven't seen her on her own since if we have seen her then it has been at family events where her mum would not leave her side my gran was the one who had the most contact but that was all prearranged she was not allowed to visit on the spur of the moment and when she could visit they were never left alone for more than a couple ofmins while mum popped to toilet.
I would deeply hope that my family and I are completely wrong about the whole thing and she has been bullied at school (obviously I don't wish this on her but as an alternative to being abused by her father I would rather she was a victim of bullying) I do however now on further info from SS however sketchy it may be that their actions are suspicious they have always lived in a certain seaside town and always wanted to be there but as soon as the attempt on her own life they move her away and isolate her in a remote place I find this deeply suspicious and although it could well be coincidence I can't help thinking there is a purpose for it and the phrase 'no-one can hear you scream' comes to mind a phrase he used against both my sister and me when he managed to isolate us at a light aircraft airfield he used to go to and make us 'stay' with him.
I know just how devious he is and also how much worse than him her mother is she will lie through her back teeth to protect him and god forbid he has abused their daughter her mother will almost certainly brand her a 's**g' and say she came onto him this is her reasoning for his abuse of us and his other daughter she will also very sternly tell you he is not a paedophile he is just weak where women are concerned she refuses to accept that as children isolated in a strange place we have all had little choice but to do as he wishes.
I hope this doesn't come accross as defensive just adding more info and some of my writing may seem a bit aggressive and I am angry but just at the situation and maybe a little at myself as because of circumstances he has gotten away with so much that he shouldn't have.

Anyhow I hope this answers your question and doesn't offend you that is in no way my intention

poppy

Absolutley not offended, your post made perfect sense and the reason for my question was I was just wondering if when the SS finally catch up with them and investigate it if your neice would admit it or deny it. I thought maybe if she had admitted it in the past to any of you that someone could be a witness.
Your post wasn't at all aggressive it came across as full of angst and concern and quite rightly so. Keep up the good work everything you are doing is helping even though I can feel your frustration at it all taking so much time you and your mum have started the ball rolling and you are on your way to taking that evil mans power away. I hope they throw the book at him he is seriously mentally disturbed and a danger to society, your aunt is obviously also seriously menatll disturbed and should also be sent for some kind of sentence or treatment. It is her job to protect her daughter and she has completely failed.
Again good luck and try and take care of yourself.

outrageous_monkey

Poppy, please dont apologise for any of your posts and you certainly dont come across as defensive, more anxious and lets face it, wouldnt we all if we were in your position.

I think you are doing remarkably well and just wanted to know, what a brilliant person you are to have to face all this again. I wanted to cry when I read the 'no one can hear you scream'........I cant even begin to imagine what you and your sister went thru, or what your cousin is going thru now. You are all in my thoughts. I really hope SS get to sort this mess out.

(((((((Poppy))))))))

mishmash

Hi Poppy

I think you are really very brave and a real survivor.

I was until recently a child care social worker, having read your posts I just wanted to assure you that things have changed since you were interveiwed as a victim, the sexual offences act in 2003 has brought in lots of new legislation aimed at protecting children. Also the way children are interveiwed is much more child friendly. I am so sorry about what happened to you, the abuse, but also how you were treated by the authorities who should have been protecting you.

The offender may not be on the sex offenders register (depends when he was convicted and the lenghth of time if he was put on it) but he will be classed as a schedule 1 offender and this is never spent on his record. All areas will have police who deal in child protection cases. It is not true that they can not go round without evidence in this case, they have enough from what you have posted.

It is all about likelyhood of harm, your cousin is at possible risk of immediate harm from sexual abuse, this is enough for the authorites to have a section 47 investigation. This is where the social worker and police discuss the information they have and what each agency will do. From what you have told already, I would think there was suffuciant information to warrant a joint visit by the police and the social services department. They should be making every effort to find out her school and interveiw her in school without her parents to assess her safety, they should also do a home visit to see if an offender is living there, putting her at risk.

I think if he is there (regardless of if she discloses abuse innitially) there is enough to say your aunt is failing to protect her child. In the children's act there is a no order principle. This means that it is better to get agreement, but if your aunt did not agree to your cousin being placed elsewhere, the authorities have a legal duty to protect her. This would mean going to court and getting an order, the police can make a P.P.O innitially but then the court will have to decide.

Regarding placement, any good social worker would make every attempt to place the child with a family member or a friend, rather than care. If this is not possible and care is the only answer they would try to ensure contact with family members such as yourself (as long as your cousin wanted it).

I hope my post may be of some help, if you are in contact with the social services or police do question or challenge them if you think they are failing to protect your cousin.

I am in awe of your courage and your determination to help your cousin, you truly are inspirational.

Much love

Mish

poppyscorner

Just wanted to post the latest,

New contact from SS today the SW said they have established that he is definately living there with them and they are going to the house apparently she will be told that he has to move out immediately and if they refuse they will immediately remove my cousin from their care HOWEVER I have greta reservations about this as my aunt is a proven liar on these matters and she has lied continually and been believed she will agree to move him out but they will then sneak around and he won't go away they should look at past experience of this SS have said they will drop in occasionally to see if he is there but I cannot see how this will work. SS have also asked my mum if they were to remove her would she take her in to her care my mum has agreed to do this and her and dad were discussing it tonight he also wants to do it as he doesn't want to see her in care but he is a little worried how they will manage as they both hold full time work and imagining what she has been through I would expect she would have great problems she may herself not totally realise the extent of what has happened to her if it is all she has ever known and despite what they have done she is sure to still love them and miss them and there may be some resentment that she has been removed.
I am deeply worried by the whole thing mostly for her but also a little for my family I would like her to have some stability to be able to rebuild her life and be allowed to grow into the happy young woman that she should be but I see quite troubled times for her in the immediate future.
I don't think her mother should be trusted an inch because of what she has done all of her decisions on their future have been based on the fact that her choice of partner is a convicted paedophile and I think that in itself should give the authorities the right to protect her daughter she does not deserve the title mother as far as I am concerned I could never do any of what she has done and the sightest sniff of anything like that and I would be off like a shot.

Thanks again for all of your supportive posts and special thanks to Mish for that inside view I don't think he is on the sex offenders register his release for his earlier crime was around Dec 1992/Jan 1993 and he only got a caution for us owing to the watered down info they got. And the SW today did talk about planning and protection meetings but havent got full info from mum of that.
Is it possible they may not place her with my parents because of work commitments or are they generally OK with that I only ask because if it was an issue then she could move here with us hubby and I have discussed this at length and both agree we would do it.

Thanks again everyone

Poppy

poppyscorner

Forgot to add

ailuro2 thanks for that tip about myspace it is a great idea and I will look into it tomorrow

milkydrink

I know what you mean about she might be a real handful for your Mum & Dad. From the sounds of it though you are all going to try anyway. If it is really too much then the SS will have to work out respite/care ect, but it may never come to that.
I don't know for sure, but fostering is not that badly paid, if it were an issue that they felt she needed a stay at home mum, then perhaps if one of you didn't have a career you were devoted too, they might decide to "foster" her & that would cover the wages from a part-time or not very well paid job. Its better for them to help her family to help her, makes sense all round.

She may deny whats happened, she quite probably will (especially if the "mother" is there when shes questioned). I was asked by a cousin if "he" had bothered me when I was aged about 14 (it was long over by then), but I said No as I was ashamed & too embarrassed to admit it. So she may well say No. From what you have said, I would say she must have been. Hes already raped one daughter so hes capable of that & the odd things your uncle witnessed around there.

I so hope it works out for her & your family. I just hope she feels she can tell everything when the SS do ask her.

But if she knows she can go to her Aunt afterwards that should help her feel supported.

You & your family are wonderful

crispeater

omg i have just been reading this thread with tears streaming down my face!

i just wanted to wish you all the best and that you and your family are amazing. (((((((hugs)))))))

outrageous_monkey

Poppy, thanks for the update.

I really hope and pray that SS dont let your cousin down. I also hope that they see thru your lieng eveil twisted aunt. I dont know who is worse, both of them are monsters, him for doing what he is doing and has done and her for letting him do it and blaming the children.

You are one of the bravest people I know. I also think that between you & your hubby and your parent, you will give this girl all the care, support and love that she needs. Your sensible enough to know that the begining is going to be rocky for her, but with the help you got off your youth worker, I think you're going to be the best person to help her.

This is an amazing thread and I cant believe how much this has come on since you first post. You and your family are fantastic. You're doing a fantastic job, especially as it making you face some old demons ((((((big hugs))))))))

You're all in my thoughts.