Best Ways to Turn a Guy Down When He's Persistent?

paulineb_2

How did he end up with your mobile number?

lostinrates

I think person one and Brighton belle are on the money.

Say no, with no compromise and laughter in your voice, make it clear to the room and people around you the contact is not desired and use the force required to prevent it and no more. Please make it clear if you end up in this persons company to someone, any one, around you that you are uncomfortable. If this ever did escalate you need some one else to know that you were not willing. If you are somewhere where there a re just few people and him I am afraid in your shoes I would leave, My comfort and safety is more important to me than socialising would be.

And yes, you bet if I felt harassed I would let the police know.

No means no, its not acceptable and its NOT acceptable that this is happening in social situations and other people are letting it escalate.

giantmutantbroccoli

Thanks again guys. Tbh what you're suggesting - walk away, don't engage, don't indulge his ridiculous behaviour - is pretty much what I've been doing after the first time we met. I certainly haven't been encouraging him! And no, I'm not really going to hit him unless I absolutely have to, it's just very tempting.

paulineb - I'm not sure what you're suggesting, I haven't been meeting up with the guy on purpose! And evidently I do not want to socialise with him. I see your point about avoiding him, but I'm not about to abandon a party I was (mostly) enjoying and leave just because one person is being a pain. While I definitely won't be arranging anything involving his presence, it's quite likely he will show up at other parties, nights out etc because he lives near my close friend and we have a few friends in common.

Brighton belle - I think he's already in a situation where he has almost no friends. My close friend has mentioned feeling sorry for him as he doesn't know many people where he lives (except for her circle of friends she introduced him to) although she is coming around to the idea that the reason he has few friends is because of his behaviour. I think she's also getting pretty fed up with him, as well as being a pita to me he's also badly behaved as a friend.
I'm well past feeling sorry for him, myself.

duchy - I've never been good at ignoring people but this looks like the best plan, so thank you. I'm going to give it a try next time I see him.

paddyrg

Never be alone with him. You've tried to be polite, so now it's time to be public.

If he tries it again in company, be quite vocal "Listen Dave, I've been polite, I've made it quite clear, I do not want any kind of relationship with you whatsoever. If you don't respect that, you don't respect me or any of our mutual friends." making sure everyone else can hear.

If it's at a club or on the streets or anywhere with people around, feel free to ask other guys to help him get the message - most of us would help him get the message.

If it carries on beyond that, police, keep a diary, get it on record.

Kynthia

Be clear and firm, almost cruel, that you aren't interested that you don't want to see him again that you don't want to be friends and that you'd prefer it if he didn't speak to you. Push him off you with a firm 'NO' if he touches you again and then if he tries again say you'll get the police involved as he's clearly not taking no for an answer. Tell other people if you are being bothered by him so they know to get involved. Unfriend him and block him on anything you can, have zero interaction. This should make it very clear even to someone who sees hope in every interaction.

HPoirot

I would totally blank him out, I'd turn away even if he were to say hello. Rude I know but somehow in this situation that guy thought your 'hello' gave him a free pass to more. It's hard to engage with someone who will not acknowledge you.

Brighton_belle

giantmutantbroccoli wrote: »

Thanks again guys. Tbh what you're suggesting - walk away, don't engage, don't indulge his ridiculous behaviour - is pretty much what I've been doing after the first time we met. I certainly haven't been encouraging him!

It hasn't come across as you encouraging him OP. I think with this sort of person, you just have to up the bluntness/blanking to ridiculous levels for them to hear 'No'. Even replying to their 'hello' he'll read as 'ooh, I'm in there'.

giantmutantbroccoli

Wow, thanks again for the advice everybody! I'm going to blank him next time we meet, and if he tries anything I will make it absolutely clear that I'm not interested, will never be interested and will escalate things if he keeps trying it on.

Just to clarify, he hasn't harassed me over the phone since I sent him the "I'm not interested" text, and I don't feel physically threatened by him. Although he did try and hold onto me a couple of times I pushed him off quite easily - as it turns out, I'm a lot stronger than he is! But of course, with a normal guy who can take a hint I wouldn't be in the position to know that, so it definitely doesn't make his behaviour okay.

go cat - Although I've every intention of never seeing him again, I don't want to curtail my social activities just because he might be there. My friend has said she won't invite him out with us again, but she also said he does have a habit of just showing up.

paulineb - I gave him my number early on the first night, when I still had the impression that he wanted to be friends. That's a mistake I won't make again in a hurry.

lostinrates - Thank you, I think you make a good point - in fact I think I did kind of laugh it off initially, because I felt so awkward in that situation, so I'll have to make sure next time I tell him no he knows I'm serious. While I don't feel threatened enough to worry about him physically overpowering me, I certainly wouldn't relax around him especially if no-one else were there. I ended up quite sober by the end of that party as I didn't feel comfortable getting drunk around him for example. I've decided I won't be hanging around if he shows up again and won't leave - I can't have much fun even on a night out if I can't relax with the people around me.

paddyrg - I did actually get some very nice offers of help from other guys at the party! Definitely something I'll keep in mind next time. I've never been the damsel in distress type, but the kind of guy who will step in to help someone who asks for it is definitely my kind of guy so who knows what that could lead to

Kynthia - Yes, I think direct, blunt rudeness is the only route left at this point.
HPoirot - You're dead right there, it's obvious now that he sees even a simple hello as an expression of interest.
Brighton belle - Lol yes, I'm just not used to dealing with this level of persistence/obvliousness/whateveryoucallit.

BitterAndTwisted

giantmutantbroccoli wrote: »

I'm not about to abandon a party I was (mostly) enjoying and leave just because one person is being a pain. While I definitely won't be arranging anything involving his presence, it's quite likely he will show up at other parties, nights out etc because he lives near my close friend and we have a few friends in common.

To be honest, when someone is so persistent in the face of outright rejection, leaving is precisely what you should be prepared to do. At least for the first couple of times he shows up.

This person patently has something wrong with him if every time he hears the word "No!" from you he appears to think it means "Maybe, if you persist long enough because I'm just being coy" or "Yes".

I worry that he has the potential to be threatening or dangerous to you, because it's ringing ABSOLUTELY HUGE alarm-bells to me and I wouldn't be gambling with my personal safety one iota. I'd rather embarrass myself in front of my friends than take any risks whatsoever.

giantmutantbroccoli

BitterAndTwisted - Thank you, I agree with what you're saying. Thinking about it, if I were advising someone in my situation I would probably say the same as you about not gambling with your personal safety. And yes, he rings every damn alarm bell there is for me.
If it reached a point where he was harassing me but I was out with friends, I would first off suggest that we leave for somewhere else, without him. I usually only go out in small groups (the party was unusual for me!) so it wouldn't be a problem, and I certainly wouldn't be embarrassed by leaving. I've done the same for friends before and I don't think I have any friends who would refuse to leave in that situation. If he followed, I would probably call the police. Either way if he puts hands on me again I will be responding... physically. With extreme prejudice as they say. He's not physically threatening to me - he's unfit, quite weak, and not at all used to doing anything physical or defending himself, whereas I'm pretty fit, very strong and, now I come to think more about the situation, absolutely furious! I'm entirely confident that I could handle any physical confrontation, although I would much rather it didn't come to that.

I feel like I have a thorough plan in place now to deal with anything he might try. Hopefully I'll not have to see him again!