Best Ways to Turn a Guy Down When He's Persistent?

giantmutantbroccoli

So I'm wondering how the ladies of MSE would go about turning a persistent guy down when he asks you out or makes a move?

Without going into stupid amounts of detail, a guy I know is making a bit of a nuisance of himself. We've met twice so far, but as he's a friend of a close friend of mine it's likely we'll meet again if only because he lives nearby.
The first time we met was on a night out with friends, he pursued me all night with zero interest on my part, fed me some ridiculous lines about how we were perfect for one another, then kissed me at the bus stop home - I wasn't bothered enough by it to make a big fuss when I pushed him away (which I did), but I wasn't in the least bit interested in dating him or doing anything else. He's just about everything I could find unattractive in a man. The next day I received a whole bunch of texts and a Facespace friend request, so I texted him back saying that It was nice meeting him, I wasn't interested in dating him but good luck for the future. Pretty much word-for-word. He responded politely and I figured that was it - I'd managed to politely turn him down without being nasty to him. Yay!

Then the second time we met, it was like I'd never texted him. He was all over me to the point I had to keep telling him - eventually shouting - to keep his hands to himself, I didn't want to kiss him etc etc. It was at a party in a friend's house, and I could not for the life of me get rid of him. He followed me all over the party. Finally he came out with something about recreating the moment we kissed the first time, and I had to tell him that it wasn't going to happen and he should get over it and move on. Then he asked if we could be friends so I (stupidly) said sure, so he started asking me for hugs. All the rest of the evening was him complaining drunkenly about how awful he was, he was so sorry he was such a terrible person, and could he have a hug - while STILL trying to put his hands all over me. Eventually my friend poured him into a taxi and he went home, but I'm left wondering what I should do next time we meet, because it really doesn't sound like he understands what no means.

If telling him politely that I'm not interested doesn't work, and telling him loudly that I'm not interested doesn't work, and yelling at him that he needs to stop effing touching me and go the hell away doesn't work, what's next? What would you do/have you done in similar situations?

joansgirl

I find a knee in the nuts works wonders!

Seriously though, I'd tell him that I'll call the police and have him for harassment and common assault if he touches me again. What a @-hole!

browneyedbazzi

two options - tell him you feel like he's harassing you and to knock it off or the police will have to get involved or, if you think that's a bit harsh, ask your mutual friend to have a word with him - saying that you're clearly not interested, he's making a fool of himself and that he should leave you alone.

To be honest, if a bloke kept putting his hands on me after I had loudly and clearly asked him not to, I'd be using my self-defence skills to break whatever appendage he touched me with.

giantmutantbroccoli

My friend has already said she's going to have words with him, but I'm not really holding out hope for that having any effect.
It never occurred to me to threaten him with police, I'd feel like that was a bit over the top- but if he carries on I might just do that! Although if I did I'd have to hear all about how awful he feels about himself again.
Yes, it's been very tempting to just hit him, but I'd be worried I'd seriously injure the guy! I really didn't want that kind of hassle, but then again I'm really not enjoying the hassle I'm getting. I don't know, I've never had to deal with this before - I thought maybe I was over-reacting, but I guess not!

paulineb_2

I wouldnt actually go near someone who was behaving like that full stop. Remove yourself from the situation. If you dont like him and dont want his unwanted attention, stay away from him. Im not saying its excusable, its not, but why would you want to socialise with someone who is behaving like a complete !!!!!?

paulineb_2

And if you hit him, you might find yourself reported to police.

Brighton_belle

I suggest if he starts on 'how awful he feels about himself' again you suggest 1) that he seeks counselling (don't engage in conversation about this) then walk away. 2) If he follows you, keep saying no loudly, ensuring everyone around you that this is not a joke, he is making a nuisance of himself, and keep walking away.
Do don't in any way encourage any 'friendship' (in his eyes)by indulging his neediness. Do not default to feeling sorry for him and therefore listening to him drone on.
Don't resort to violence unless you really are in a vulnerable situation and can't escape.
See all the above as doing him a favour/true kindness, as he'll end up with no friends and no chance of a girlfriend ever if he doesn't learn basic appropriate social interactions.

duchy

As your mutual friend has told him -if he approaches you-Just blank him completely . If he tries to apologize tell him you accept his apology . If he then says can we be friends just say "Sorry afraid not" and walk away.

Just be firm and consistent and don't try to appease him just blank him.

Pechow

Ugh-if he ignores "No" now, imagine what he must be like in more intimate situations...

Block him everywhere online, don't reply to any texts or messages, block his phone number too if it would help. If you're worried about him in person, could you ask your friend to step in and help you out?

Person_one

Don't just hit him, but if somebody is groping you/touching you without your permission then it is absolutely fine to take physical action to stop them. Push them away, elbow them, whatever you need to do to get them off you.

I'm guessing its going to be difficult to avoid this guy if you have mutual friends and are part of the same social circle. You don't have to talk to him though, you don't have to hide the fact that he's creeping you out and acting like a !!!!!!, in fact I'd make sure everybody knows if it happens again, a bit of public shaming can be useful.

Threatening him with the police isn't all that OTT, especially if you're still getting a lot of texts off him.

go_cat

I would've avoiding social situations where I knew he was likely to be attending .... He probably in his warped mind sees you going as a sign you are interested