Best Ways to Turn a Guy Down When He's Persistent?

BitterAndTwisted

Someone who seems to believe that you had a romantic snog when what you actually did was push him away is not the sort of person who you can reason with. He's deluded. I'd treat him like the potential threat he sounds.

Does he know where you live? Does he know where you work?

lostinrates

Please don't rely on your physical strength. I mean, use it, and employ it if needed, but ...lets face it the guy sounds 'odd'. People employ all sort of tactics to get what they want.

I don't want to be alarmist, the guy might just be a social idiot, but 90% of rapes are committed by people the victim knows. Not all women put on compromising situations are weak little victims.

Valli

It might be worth saving texts sent/received as evidence if the situation deteriorates and you subsequently decide to file an official complaint.

Hope it's solved now, though.

go_cat

Have you got a big male friend who can act as your boyfriend next time you go out ? Preferably one with huge muscles

I say this as normal rejection stuff hasn't put him off

In addition I would also be ringing 101 and reporting it as these stalking incidents can get worse and at least they would have a record of the details...not to scare you

Bazey

giantmutantbroccoli wrote: »

So I'm wondering how the ladies of MSE would go about turning a persistent guy down when he asks you out or makes a move?

Without going into stupid amounts of detail, a guy I know is making a bit of a nuisance of himself. We've met twice so far, but as he's a friend of a close friend of mine it's likely we'll meet again if only because he lives nearby.
The first time we met was on a night out with friends, he pursued me all night with zero interest on my part, fed me some ridiculous lines about how we were perfect for one another, then kissed me at the bus stop home - I wasn't bothered enough by it to make a big fuss when I pushed him away (which I did), but I wasn't in the least bit interested in dating him or doing anything else. He's just about everything I could find unattractive in a man. The next day I received a whole bunch of texts and a Facespace friend request, so I texted him back saying that It was nice meeting him, I wasn't interested in dating him but good luck for the future. Pretty much word-for-word. He responded politely and I figured that was it - I'd managed to politely turn him down without being nasty to him. Yay!

Then the second time we met, it was like I'd never texted him. He was all over me to the point I had to keep telling him - eventually shouting - to keep his hands to himself, I didn't want to kiss him etc etc. It was at a party in a friend's house, and I could not for the life of me get rid of him. He followed me all over the party. Finally he came out with something about recreating the moment we kissed the first time, and I had to tell him that it wasn't going to happen and he should get over it and move on. Then he asked if we could be friends so I (stupidly) said sure, so he started asking me for hugs. All the rest of the evening was him complaining drunkenly about how awful he was, he was so sorry he was such a terrible person, and could he have a hug - while STILL trying to put his hands all over me. Eventually my friend poured him into a taxi and he went home, but I'm left wondering what I should do next time we meet, because it really doesn't sound like he understands what no means.

If telling him politely that I'm not interested doesn't work, and telling him loudly that I'm not interested doesn't work, and yelling at him that he needs to stop effing touching me and go the hell away doesn't work, what's next? What would you do/have you done in similar situations?

Is his name Dean?

browneyedbazzi

paulineb wrote: »

And if you hit him, you might find yourself reported to police.

If you've used reasonable physical force to defend yourself against a sexual predator (make no mistakes, that's what this guy's behaviour makes him) you're not going to get into any trouble - a couple of questions might be asked, but that's about it.

Anyone can report anything to the police, but the police taking any action is another matter altogether. Women should not be afraid to defend themselves when they need to.

I also don't think that the OP should have to stop socialising within her circle of friends in order to avoid this guy - his behaviour is unacceptable and it's him that needs to change, not the OP!

27col

You could ask him "which part of p*** off" he didn't understand.

joansgirl

go_cat wrote: »

Have you got a big male friend who can act as your boyfriend next time you go out ? Preferably one with huge muscles

I was going to suggest this as well. Great minds think alike.

Get a loud rape alarm, one of the ones that you can switch off. Next time he touches you, let it off and when everybody's looking at him tell him, so they can all hear "get your hands off me" or words to that effect.

Hopefully he'd be so mortified that he'll leave you alone.

Trouble is, if he's not pestering you then it will probably mean some other poor woman is copping it. Just what is the matter with some men?

fluffnutter

go_cat wrote: »

I would've avoiding social situations where I knew he was likely to be attending .... He probably in his warped mind sees you going as a sign you are interested

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

To be honest, when someone is so persistent in the face of outright rejection, leaving is precisely what you should be prepared to do.

I'd rather embarrass myself in front of my friends than take any risks whatsoever.

I don't get why she should leave parties or change her behaviour to stay away from this guy. What next? Women shouldn't go out at night in case they're raped?

It's ridiculous the way society puts the onus on women to 'keep themselves safe' expecting them to modify their own behaviour all the while allowing pricks like this guy to continue going out and about exactly as they please. We shouldn't be saying 'You (woman) need to do such and such' [to make sure you're safe], we should be saying 'You (man) need to do such and such' [and stop behaving like a predatory wanker].

go_cat

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't get why she should leave parties or change her behaviour to stay away from this guy. What next? Women shouldn't go out at night in case they're raped?

It's ridiculous the way society puts the onus on women to 'keep themselves safe' expecting them to modify their own behaviour all the while allowing pricks like this guy to continue going out and about exactly as they please. We shouldn't be saying 'You (woman) need to do such and such' [to make sure you're safe], we should be saying 'You (man) need to do such and such' [and stop behaving like a predatory wanker].

Yes and I agree with you ...however the OP has tried to say no she isn't interested but he has not listened. Yes he is being predatory however these kind of men tend to be a bit unhinged and irrational so my suggesting the OP kept away from social situations was said to avoid the situation escalating as it easily could.