Buffy's Mini diary

Buffythedebtslayer

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Still got a headache. I know it is because of the situation with my guinea pig but still. I wish it would go. have to pick up my car, clean out all the animals and return my marking on Monday.


plus it is the last day I will have him. don't especially want to feel like !!!!.


I am getting nervous about Christmas - I have noticed since I stopped socialising so much I have understandably been left off a lot of the regular social events. I get why. I do, it is just difficult as I haven't seen anyone from my oldest group of friends in such a long time - 4 months I think. I don't really know if I still fit in.


It is funny really I do wonder about my life. I have made friends at my new job - not close friends but I think people like me. And I have some amazing friends. But my oldest group of friends, well we barely speak now. It is the depression and the fact they all have kids and only socialise with other people who have kids.


I am sad I never had children but I have other friends who don't have kids and that does make it easier - we have a certain amount of unhappiness but can see we can be happy also. And I do know what I want to do with my life long term. I don't talk about it here by the way - in case you think I seem to be going round in circles! I do have a plan.....honest guv!


I suppose in the case of my oldest friends it may be time to move on. I was going to write to them on fb, as a group or in an e mail to explain some more about the depression. But I figure if they wanted to know they would have asked. I have told them of the diagnosis and I suppose it is the age old I feel awkward asking but part of me wants to yell I feel awkward having it!!!!!


Depression can cost such a lot. I am more grateful than ever for my online friends.


Any how I have loads to do today. Best get on.




XXXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

Well just got a message from my friend, turns out they all know each other's Christmas plans, of course no one told me!


To be fair nothing has been planned as such and I may be being over sensitive. or I may not.


Still hurts tho.


xx

WantToBeSE

Hi Buffy,
sorry to hear that you are feeling left out. I am the same. Every Christmas it's just me and my 2 boys. No friends or family bother to ask me over, but i know that over the years i have isolated myself because of depression.

How is the present buying going? I am pretty much done now, although i have to do the worst bit yet...wrapping them. i hate it! I am sure i'll pour a large glass (or 3) of baileys while doing it...that'll take the boredom away

Your goals for 2014 are pretty much the same as mine. I want to find a boyfriend (have been single for 5 years!!), save £5k (have got as far as £700) and need a newer car for work. My depression comes and goes. Right now i am definitely going through a good time. I have finally started to be able to read books again, after 18 months of such crippling depression that i couldnt manage it. So i am treating myself to some new books for Christmas.

now i am blabbering on, sorry!

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks WantToBeSE sounds awful but it does help to know I am not the only one.


Had to go out to get my car, was good to get out. head still bad but ok.


Some days my mother is just so annoying. And weird.


Letting it go. She isn't going to change.


I am.


any how. Lunch should be soon. Cleaned out the piggies.


must do the fish tanks next.

Buffythedebtslayer

I have the most amazing best friend in the whole world.


REALLY AMAZING.


As you all know I have been feeling quite grim. depression, lack of social life, guinea pig being ill, no boyfriend, its all getting to me. Plus the whole feeling left out thing - which is childish but hey.

any how my friend who lives MILES away happened to be down here buying a car and her and her lovely husband took a detour to come and visit, just for an hour before driving the 300 odd miles home. She was worried as I sounded so down in the test I sent her.


I am SO LUCKY TO HAVE HER.


SO SO lucky. she is so clever and wonderful and has made me feel so much better just by seeing her.


such a tonic.


and I can't say a word on FB cos she didn't pop in and see her folks. slight guilt about that!

Buffythedebtslayer

Just found my lovely boy in the cage, he had passed on at some point this afternoon. Looked peaceful. At least he went at home with his friends. One of my girls was sat next to him. made me cry.

Sun_Addict

Oh no Buffy. So sorry to hear about your piggy boy. Can sympathise with the being left out of Christmas plans both Buffy and WantToBeSE - SIL originally invited us to hers Christmas Day - now she talks about us "enjoying" a quiet day at home by ourselves. I've found over the years that the Christmas idyll is something that other people experience. I would love to have one of those Christmas's where you're invited here there and everywhere and everyone's coming to yours - but sadly it's never happened. If we all lived near to each other we could create our own "do". To be honest I think the best thing you can do on Christmas Day is to be abroad for it. Escape the hype. Last year we took the dog to Skegness (don't laugh at exotic location!) for the day - it was great! Beach was busy with others having the same idea.

Your friend sounds lovely by the way!

beanielou

Sorry to hear about the wee piggy Buffy.
Best way to go though & saves the trauma of tomorrow at least.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Aw Buffy, I'm sorry to hear about your poor piggy . Big hugs Xx

Lovely that you got to see your friend though.

Great that you wrote your goals too. When they are in your head they are but dreams, when you write them down they become real. I wish you all the luck in achieving them Xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I love this place.


thank you for your lovely words, Beanie, SA and PLMBL


Went out for dinner tonight. was lovely, good to see my friends. We have all approached teaching in very different ways. interesting to compare notes!


Gave out my presents, well received - I love it when I get presents right


Am generally a little sad but tonight was good.


ooo and I took advantage of the Body shop 50% off I LOVE their stuff AND I got presents galore!


so nearly done. am managing. felt bad - proper get in the car go home bad earlier but I carried on and did shopping after school - felt vaguely Christmassy after buying stockings.


Seems so silly that I can feel so bad and have to force myself through it. very odd feeling. makes no sense. however on balance not a bad day.


Hugs all round XXXXXXXX and thank you XXXXXXXX


xxxx