Buffy's Mini diary

Buffythedebtslayer

The blessed relief of Friday is upon us.


Am still tired but ok. Gp is very ill. trying to do Christmas shopping, not had much success but doesn't seem important. Work was tough this week and got loads to do.


must finish e mailing email man. that sound daft. he has been lovely lately. nice distraction from life and all it's annoyances.


must go to bed now.


hugs all round XX

Buffythedebtslayer

I think it is safe to say the depression has hit again. The past few weeks have been very difficult, lots to do, extreme tiredness. plus I have killed myself at the weekends. So not had any down time. That coupled with frequent vet trips and worrying hasn't helped.


Mum has upset me and although I am trying to be positive and proactive I am just upset.


She has been keeping secrets - not deliberately but it is this silly game we play and it always ends up in a row. Same thing every time.


I thought I had come to terms with the fact that she essentially thinks I am incapable and will always see me as the baby. It is that truth, that parents do always or at least often see us as the child. And it isn't unusual at all.


I was fine with getting my sister to suggest things and ideas to improve stuff and watching as because she said them they were great. it worked and that's all I want.


I must remember that what she does isn't personal. It is just how she is. Things like her listing all the jobs they have done and all the stuff I have missed and she hasn't told me about I don't understand why she can't just say oh X fixed the door when it happens, she saves it all for a big list about two weeks later and I simply don't get it. Is it supposed to make me feel bad that I didn't do it? Is it just coincidence ? she doesn't always remember stuff so maybe one thing triggers another and it just seems like that?(another worry) and the weeks have been quite stressful?


I am a very jealous person. well. I don't know actually Is that really true or am I just making excuses? Right now sitting here I doubt it is the time for my own character to be taken apart! NOT in a good frame of mind at all.


It is almost one and as ever a few comments from another person have frozen me in negativity. I feel extremely fragile.




!!!!!!!!!


Finish tea and put hoover back together. Be practical. not emotional. keep moving.




xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

I had lunch fixed the hoover phoned my friend xx


Then I went to sleep. Woke up hungry (good sign) and generally feel much better.


I have officially given my self a break. I am very lucky to be able to do this, the dogs are fine, the guinea pigs and fish can wait till tomorrow and I am ok to have a microwave Indian Meal and a glass of wine with some TV.


Sleep is a brilliant thing really. Am sure I dreamt about something amazing too.


also have a note book and a Brian Tracey Book to read.


catch you all later XX

please-let-me-be-lucky

Have a hug buffy, sounds like you need one.

Glad you had a good sleep Xx

Northern_Lassy

"... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." I shamelessly stole this off Pooh bear because it made me think of you Buffy xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Northern_Lassy wrote: »

"... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." I shamelessly stole this off Pooh bear because it made me think of you Buffy xxx

Such a lovely thing to say Northern Lassy and actually just what I needed to hear.


Thank you XX


I couldn't multi quote, thank you for the hug, (also needed)PLMBL XXX




night all XX

Buffythedebtslayer

Does anyone else get to this point in December and really want the year to be over.

Not my greatest weekend. But it's ok. the Guinea pigs and gerbils have been cleaned out. The fish are ok.

I have got rid of a box of crap and got a small bag for the charity shop.

Am acting as if.

Depression will be beaten. Maybe not tonight. but soon. I will not feel like this any more.

Affirmations cd before bed and a decent sleep should help.
Must find my Kindle.


Night all


xx

Northern_Lassy

I would recommend vitamin D tablets sweet Buffy xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

hello


I talked to my best friend tonight. Am a bit old for such a phrase! but we spent about an hour on the phone, told her a lot of stuff.


She is brilliant.


I shall look in to the Vitamin d thing.


but now to bed after a very emotional day.


xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

hello Diary Readers,


I have a migraine! - well the tail end of one now. Had to drive to a specialist vets last night with piggy. I am not a keen driver! and the dark country lanes frightened me - stress=migraine.


It was good in a way, that this happened as I think it is the first migraine I have had since the term started headaches caused by time of the month not included. I don't think I have had many of them either.


Any how it was good cos it has proved to me that I felt like this pretty much every weekend in my old job and so I was right leave - not that I was thinking it was ever a mistake.


am watching the Mentalist, bloody good I must say.

Moneywise, I get paid early for my new job in 4 days to be precise, that is a scary temptation.

Am pondering my goals for 2014

1. get a boyfriend
2. get a new car
3. save 5000 pounds.
4. get a new job in Sept.
5. finish my Masters
6. Crack the depression.


loads of other things floating around. Challenges to join, budgets to work out for the new year.


I want to go to America. They have places called Citrus Heights.
as it is I shall settle for Fruit and Nut and the Mentalist.