Heartbroken. What to do?

tinkerbell28

poet123 wrote: »

The thing that strikes me as strange here is that he is a newish stepfather and yet he cites the children as a reason for staying. I am not doubting that some men become deeply attached to their stepchildren over time, but in 18 months and enough to stay in a loveless marriage? Not sure.

Of course not, it's the old excuse to try and get the woman to keep her distance...then when that fails....let's take time out and cut contact.

It's age old, when the kids are at school, when the kids have left school, when they've left college, when they've left uni, when they've moved out, the wife is sick, I'm sick, we're having a grandchild, lost my job, my pensions due and so it goes on.

I've never cheated or been cheated on but I've seen enough to see the same patterns it follows as an outside with clearer vision.

Generally if someone is going to leave their wife, it doesn't follow this pattern.

Errata

Executive summary: woman meets bloke, woman has one weekend stand, all contact stops, the end.

marisco_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Any advice would be much appreciated, including how to get over the end of a relationship before it has even begun.

You are an intelligent woman working at a top university. Apply some common sense and logic to this situation, and be ruled by your head and not your heart or you stand to get extremely hurt. You are allowing yourself to be infatuated by a person who you admit yourself that there is no possibility of a future with. You may feel you two share a fabulous connection but is he really such an amazing guy. Just by being with you he is choosing to betray his wife and step children. Not the traits of a person I would find attractive in any way at all. Also the oldest line in the book when people consider starting affairs, is to spin a tale of how awful their partner is, absolving themselves of any responsibility as to why they are with someone else!

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Kathy535

poet123 wrote: »

The thing that strikes me as strange here is that he is a newish stepfather and yet he cites the children as a reason for staying. I am not doubting that some men become deeply attached to their stepchildren over time, but in 18 months and enough to stay in a loveless marriage? Not sure.

Possible they've been living together for some time but only recently got married?

Valli

Kathy535 wrote: »

Possible they've been living together for some time but only recently got married?

Maybe so - but if the relationship was going down the pan why did they bother to get married?

paulineb_2

Valli wrote: »

Maybe so - but if the relationship was going down the pan why did they bother to get married?

Perhaps like a make or break type situation.

Who knows, we only have his word for it that the relationship was going down any pan.

His wife might think all is well in their world.

Valli

Well I accept that - trouble is the OP doesn't. From the tone of all the posters when it was revealed that 'M' and his wife hadn't even celebrated their 2 year anniversary I think we were all surprised by that revelation.

OP is astoundingly naive, methinks.

paulineb_2

Valli wrote: »

Well I accept that - trouble is the OP doesn't. From the tone of all the posters when it was revealed that 'M' and his wife hadn't even celebrated their 2 year anniversary I think we were all surprised by that revelation.

OP is astoundingly naive, methinks.

Well, Ive known few people fall in love in the space of 3 hours. Even the young people I used to work with, some who used to change boyfriends every other week tended to wait at least 48 hours before declaring they were in love.

Can you imagine going on a date with someone and blurting out over the strawberry pavlova that you loved the person?

Most would think boiler and run for the hills. (Ps Im not assuming its the female who would do the declarations of love on date 1).

Valli

You're quite right - if someone (ie a bloke) spoke to me like that so soon after meeting I would be worrying about him (potential stalker perhaps) equally I wouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve like that - send any rational, sensible bloke running even if he was seeking a LTR.

Of course, when 'M' realised the OP was so enthralled by him he didn't waste any time taking the 'relationship' to a physical level.

sportbeth

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

How is this helpful? I know that he has the kids to distract him. I can't choose who I fall in love with, and at the moment I'm trying my best to come to terms with the situation. I am doing ok at the moment in case you were interested.

he has more than the kids to distract him. He probably also has an amazing wife who he is very much happy with, along with their mutual friends and families. You've never walked away from a marriage but believe me, there's more than a roof over your head and having someone to make you the occasional cuppa at stake.

I have emails sent by my ex husband to women within 6 months of me being married, him trying to get them to hotel rooms and playing away, all of them telling the women that although he was a newlywed, it wasnt looking good for the two of us and we weren't really working out.

I was desperately trying to be happy having forgiven him for having an affair 3 months before we married. As far as I was concerned everything was fine and I was putting my pain on the backburner, I hadnt even mentioned his affair in an effort to make it work.

If you think that this guy is being straight with you, learn from my ridiculous, naive experience. He's a total fraud. And even if he isnt. If you marry him you immediately open a vacancy in your place for his mistress.