Heartbroken. What to do?

paulineb_2

brasso wrote: »

No, you've been somewhere else, but you rather like the idea that you can conflate your personal life with that of the OP.

How glib, how easy to bounce around words like "liar" and "coward", when you are talking about invisible, unknown people on an internet forum And the "poor unsuspecting wife". How much do you really know about this poor unsuspecting wife? And how much of that is really you thinking of yourself or your friends, and nothing to do with the OP?

It is so easy and so lazy to play the horrified Daily Mail-reading broomstick-up-the-bottom type in response to this. Frankly, if you've nothing positive or pleasant to put forward, why not just tut-tut in the privacy of your own handkerchief, and then get back to worrying about the need to protect your own grubby little secrets?

Do you think this post was either positive or pleasant to the person you were responding to?

Maybe you should take your own advice.

Valli

MrsE wrote: »

If you're 18 an older man could be mature & glamorous, but when your knocking on 40, it's a younger man that would turn your head, not some old git!

ah - but don't forget the OP in this scenario has connected with this bloke on a cerebral level. And she has trouble dating/meeting men anyway. I think it's almost a case of 'any port in a storm';)

tinkerbell28

Oh come on. I really don't think this is real now.

The posts after have been deliberately written to inflame, cause outrage then go.

Considering the amount of personal information, ages, marriage lengths, kids, job given out. If op is real someone could recognise her/him. If people were really weird I'm sure the people involved could be "found".

She's completely ignored all the information given out and how much of it and gone on to wind people up. If someone were to recognise the situation and point him to the thread, I think really he'd probably be horrified.

It sounds to means taking op on face value here, if it is all true, they got carried away with an intense emotional type affair over emails. Like you see a lot of people do, more so now online dating and social media. They had a "meet" and now he's had his way, he has backed right off and probably thinking what the hell have I got involved in!

So he is hoping a nice break a family Christmas, will make it all water under the bridge and op may have moved on...

mumps

Person_one wrote: »

Doesn't really fly with me I'm afraid.

You knew full well from the off he was taken, you're not an innocent party here, she is.

Have you taken a moment to put yourself in her shoes?

It is a bit hard to put yourself in his wife's shoes if you don't know what they are. They could be comfy slippers, tough boots or something very uncomfortable. It is entirely possible that his wife is unhappy and thinking of ending the marriage herself. Perhaps her first marriage/relationship ended because of her infidelity and she has had a string of lovers in the last 18 months. The point is we don't know. What has happened is far from ideal but if his marriage is unhappy he may decide to end it and at that point he and the OP might be very happy.

I have known people live at war with each other for over 40 years, I know children who have grown up in that war zone who prayed for their parents to divorce. I have known people who have started an affair when married and then divorced and married and gone on to have children.

The OP has come her for a bit of support and I think some people have been very judgemental. Just my view.

paulineb_2

The OP wants people to tell her that everything is ok and that the version of events that the man has told her are accurate.

Im afraid that its very hard to say yes, he sounds like a really sincere guy when he sounds like the absolute opposite.

paulineb_2

And even if the OP's wifes first marriage broke down due to her and shes had a string of affairs since she got married again, two wrongs dont make a right. If that was the case, hed have more reason to leave. Hes not leaving, hes staying.

No ones suggesting shes a saint, but shes been painted as this awful person (with no specifics given) and hes this poor soul trying to keep things together for the sake of the kids. Well as you say, if things are so miserable, then why condemn the kids to a lifetime of unhappiness with parents who cant stand one another. Why not just leave?

But hes not. Even though hes met the OP who hes in love with.

meer53

brasso wrote: »

Frankly, if you've nothing positive or pleasant to put forward, why not just tut-tut in the privacy of your own handkerchief, and then get back to worrying about the need to protect your own grubby little secrets?

What a joke, hypocrite or what ? There is nothing positive to say about what the OP has done is there ? If you think there is then i question your morals.

I don't happen to have any "grubby little secrets" my ex had the monopoly on those.

You truly are an obnoxious person.

globetraveller

I thought to begin with that this was just a troll. However, perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps the OP is just very vulnerable. She is 37 year who has all but given up on love. I think she won't be the only one he is stringing along. Just read the first post again Perhaps he makes a habit of having a bit on the side when he visits other cities. He probably keeps them going with flowery emails. Whatever the ins and outs are, he is ruining peoples' lives.
Please read your first post again and imagine you are reading a post written by someone else. What does it sound like to you?
You surely deserve better than clutching at straws. His wife definitely deserves better.

tinkerbell28

I would say if it were real, he has done it before, he hasn't got to this age and just "changed".

They do it to pass time in strange cities, when out on the road, etc. It's a flattery.

The problem is once they've had the sex, if the other person starts getting all messy and taking it seriously about love and wanting a relationship.

A break soon follows and radio silence with the hope they'll get the hint and back off.

You'd think she'd get that if it were real.

He's backed off and wants his family Christmas and her to move on.

poet123

The thing that strikes me as strange here is that he is a newish stepfather and yet he cites the children as a reason for staying. I am not doubting that some men become deeply attached to their stepchildren over time, but in 18 months and enough to stay in a loveless marriage? Not sure.