Dare I do it again?

xmaslolly76

Hi
I currently have four children and I'm due to get married shortly. I'm 37 and my partner is 30. He is father to two of our children. I am as broody as hell and would love another baby. The OH would agree tomorrow and get to work straight away so to speak. I,m just so worried. I'm not getting any younger, we aren't exactly flush with cash, we don't really have enough room and on top of this we have taken the decision that the two youngest children will be home educated.
I don't know what to do my body clock is getting louder and louder .

tinkerbell28

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

Hi
I currently have four children and I'm due to get married shortly. I'm 37 and my partner is 30. He is father to two of our children. I am as broody as hell and would love another baby. The OH would agree tomorrow and get to work straight away so to speak. I,m just so worried. I'm not getting any younger, we aren't exactly flush with cash, we don't really have enough room and on top of this we have taken the decision that the two youngest children will be home educated.
I don't know what to do my body clock is getting louder and louder .

So how do you propose to have another? Four children is incredibly hard work and financially draining even on a good household income.

So how would you manage a 5th? You don't have the room, or cash, what about work?

peachyprice

How about enjoying the four you already have instead of stretching you time and attention even thinner.

Just sayin.

duchy

So from a purely practical point of view -if you went ahead where would little one sleep once out of your room ? Another consideration is how big is the age gap. Frankly if you are planning to home school two so won't be working is another going to cost an awful lot more ?

I assume your OH works -it'sa big difference "managing" on one wage and lurching from one financial crisis to the next -which are you ?

Then there's the risks - the older you are the greater the risk of certain disabilities.....not to mention the statistical risk. Could you cope with four older kids and another child with disabilities ? Oh and of course the incidence of multiple birth increases with age....what if "just one more" was two or even three more ???

The particular challenges of larger families - from a positive viewpoint -google for Tania Sullivan who has a super blog -She's just had her thirteenth child-and has homeschooled all of them (and before the benefit bashers kick off yes her husband works). She's a lovely lady -I knew her back when she had four -she's very grounded and her blog has good advice you may find useful. Can't find her blog right now but here's an article and she;s also on twitter. http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/baby-number-twelve-on-the-way-for-britain-s-busiest-mum.html

sooty&sweep

Hi
Im sorry to be hard but alot of us would love to have more children but you also have to think about the children you've already got and whats right for them.
Jen

codemonkey

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

Hi
I currently have four children and I'm due to get married shortly. I'm 37 and my partner is 30. He is father to two of our children. I am as broody as hell and would love another baby. The OH would agree tomorrow and get to work straight away so to speak. I,m just so worried. I'm not getting any younger, we aren't exactly flush with cash, we don't really have enough room and on top of this we have taken the decision that the two youngest children will be home educated.
I don't know what to do my body clock is getting louder and louder .

Obviously this is your decision but here are the questions I think you need to answer.

1. Can you afford it without relying on state handouts which could disappear at any time under this government?
2. Where would the next child sleep? Where would his/her stuff go?
3. Would you have enough time to spend with all four of your existing children, and your new arrival and then have some time to spend on husband/wife time?
4. Would you have to rely heavily on your older children to help with the smaller ones? If your older children are not old enough to babysit, do you have someone who will be willing to babysit five children?
5. As you said you're not getting any younger, would you be able to cope if something out of the unexpected happened, e.g. multiple birth, baby born with disabilities, difficult labour resulting in a longer recovery time etc?
6. As you're planning to home educate your two youngest, what will happen to their educations when the baby is born and afterwards when you're sleep deprived from night feeds, when the baby is keeping you awake with teething? Will you have the energy and time to give them the education they require?

If you can answer all these questions to your satisfaction, then go ahead. Otherwise it might be better to accept that just because you want another baby, doesn't mean you should have one and perhaps you should enjoy the fact that you've been lucky enough to have four already.

mrcow

You should prioritise the children you already have and put them first. Having a baby that you can't afford, have no space for and that will take your time away from them is not doing that.

Spendless

The deal breaker for me would be that you don't have enough room. You don't have a great deal of money to sort that out eg by extending or moving to a larger (more expensive) property and home educating is going to mean limiting when you are available for working. Sometimes logic and common sense has to take priority over a 'heart's desire'. Concentrate on the children you do have.

flossy_splodge

Perhaps self control rather than self indulgence might help?
Just a point of view.

krlyr

How about looking into other ways to satisfy this feeling? Perhaps you feel there is something missing from your life - if you're giving up work to home school your youngest kids, maybe that's made you feel you need another 'project' like a baby? Could you possibly get this satisfaction elsewhere..a part-time/volunteer job, taking in a foster child/baby, even getting a dog might fill the void you're trying to fill!

xmaslolly76

I was going to post an epic response but I don't see the point. Here are the bullet points.
1. I don't find children or babies draining never have. I will admit to finding pregnancy draining but that isn't forever.
2. The concerns with my age are to do with carrying not looking after or bringing up a child.
3. My children all get plenty of one to one time with both me and my OH.
4. We aren't flush but we aren't broke either.
5. We don't have babysitters as we don't use them. Grandparents help in an emergency otherwise if my children can't go we don't go.
6. We currently have 3 beds we could convert the garage to make 4
7. I already have a dog and two rabbits
8. Having researched and spoken to other HE families there is no reason a pregnancy or baby would interfere in the long term education of my two youngest children. It may have a short term effect on them as with any family having a new arrival means adjustment and new routines. The beauty of HE is that it is fluid and will work around us not a school timetable. Pregnancy, birth and everything that comes with it can be educational in its self.

I thank you ladies for helping me to organise my thoughts. The negativity has actually helped to bring some clarity.