Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Wol2

OOOpppps!


and wifepig Tia....obviously she hates to be left out LOL

stewby

hey wiggy.

have been lurking for a while and just want to say that i think what you are doing is amazing. i know for a fact that i would have crumbled by now so you are clearly a strong person and are determined to do what is best for wiglet.


just as a wee xmas suggestion which would be completely free...
... one year when my brother was preschool age, the fairy fell off the top of the tree and went behind the sofa. when asked about it, my mum lied and said the fairy watched what was happening and left just before xmas to report back to santa. the fairy returned on xmas eve along with the presents.
this is one of my brother's favourite xmas memories and the fairy still goes missing every year. (and he is now 33).
he also won't let my mum get a new fairy.
:rotfl:

anyways, just thought i would suggest a free way of creating a new tradition (i read that you were struggling for money).

hope you, wiglet and waglet have a brilliant xmas.

p.s - i would go with the butter basted chicken and turkey breast things you get ready made in a tin tray. cost a fiver in any of the supermarkets and you get the choice of stuffed or unstuffed. brilliant for a first attempt at xmas dinner.

duchy

I do think it is very hard for people who are lucky enough to have never encountered this very controlling dynamic within a family to understand and accept the situation. Wiggy's Mum after all no doubt still can't understand what she has done that is so wrong- as in her mind she is entirely justified.
I think it is very telling that all three daughters got pregnant very young -accidents do happen but when all three girls are seeking their own family and others to love so young -there is a need even at a subconscious level that something is missing from their family relationships.
I do believe in time Wiggy's sisters will benefit from seeing that emotional escape from their mother is possible -but to be honest at the moment they are simply seeing Wiggy do the unthinkable in defying their Mum and she's more likely to hear them telling her how devestated the mother is and how could Wiggy be so cruel (in other words Mum's version) .
I suspect from what Wiggy has said Mum has always played "divide and conquer" between her daughters setting them off against each other and that will likely continue a while longer until the other girls come to see it for themselves either through growing up a bit or through Mum needing another victim now Wiggy has removed herself from the toxic dynamics.
I really admire Wiggy for her strength and not giving in to the temptation to appease her Mum.

LannieDuck

Wiggy, I'm glad you weren't upset by the discussion yesterday.

FWIW, you sound like a great Mum. Don't doubt that.

harrys_nan

wiggy, you are an amazing mum, dont ever ever forget that.
Don't ever let anyone undermine you in the care you give your child( and dog).
Have a brilliant christmas and just relax and chill with your son.

rpc

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

He had a heavy Scottish accent so I had difficulty hearing him a bit, but it sounded like they'd hadn't arrested her but the statement had been read so must have gone to police station

This sounds about right. If the only purpose of an arrest is for interview (i.e. they do not expect to charge the person), then they should not arrest if the interview is given voluntarily.

From your earlier post, it did sound like what they wanted to do was interview and warn so an arrest would only be required if your mum did not cooperate.

Gingernutty wrote: »

It sounds like your mother may have had a formal caution. That means there was enough evidence for the police to believe you.

I disagree. That is a criminal disposal - the same as if she went to court and was found guilty. She would have to accept that and would be left with a criminal record.

It is more likely she was read the PACE caution (You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence) which is totally different. That means she is a suspect and the interview can be used for evidence if it goes to court at a later date.




Good going wiggy! I hope wiggy, wiglet and wagalot can now have a stress-free magic Christmas.

Any more texts or letters, get on to 101. Any more visits, dial 999.

paulineb_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I am back, goodness me, thought there was an error with the amount of pages! :O

I don't mind difference of opinion, I appreciate that it is all 'my side' really. I have good feelings from what has been suggested in texts that my mum knows what the reasons are. I've experienced first hand that she sees things differently. the incident with taking wiglet, she skimmed over it immediately after and saw it as 'protecting him'. She practically screamed 'mental illness' at the officers attending to retrieve him, and my sisters quickly got on the bandwagon, both theorising rapidly that I was bipolar, mad, an assortment of all of it. I will never forget my youngest sister standing right outside, stating that I was bipolar and unstable and she worried for wiglet in my care.

I don't try to think about it and try to forgive, telling myself she is only young and just has mum to go by. But she was 15 and could debate with me on sexism then. not a baby and certainly not someone who didn't know what she was saying. As for my other sister, she was 17. She was qualified to work in a nursery. She had a baby too. Yet she said the same and actually cried on the doorstep as if I would hurt him if he left, that to go back to his mother would be giving him to the devil or something!

I do worry if I did the right thing and it is no mean feat to say to an officer, yes I'd like my mother arrested. Of course I worried and doubted it, but at the end of the day, I did only ask for some space. she's got out of hand and it seemed only right to put a stopper to things.

I got a call today saying they'd gone around. He had a heavy Scottish accent so I had difficulty hearing him a bit, but it sounded like they'd hadn't arrested her but the statement had been read so must have gone to police station? And had told her no contact or she will be arrested. I think he said she did not understand and was asking why, but from my experience, this would be her way of proclaiming innocence, showing me as unstable and cruel and casting doubts. Not to mention saving face if it happened in public.

I don't know. Anyway, it is done. I can't help but feel the lady officer who attended to take my statement pushed it forward as she heard from me the situation, and so it didn't take as long as she said.

It feels therapeutic to have all of that away, at least for now. There are times when I think about all they've done that I wonder what is wrong with me, if it IS me and not them? If they are right and I'm not a good mum, or I am mad? But if that was true, surely others would say so too. I've heard nothing but good things from HV and other people. And how would I be doing it all now, not feeling down or anything like that, like bipolar or PND feel? Just guess you have to have a bit of faith in yourself- that or be so busy with dirty nappies and playing dinosaurs that everything goes on anyway!

This is why the OP needs to stay the hell away from the mum

Shes not acting in frustration because shes not being allowed to see the grandchild

Dear me, trying to snatch the kid was bad enough, but telling police that the OP is bipolar and getting the daughters to say the same.

Horrific.

Dimey

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

...>>>

It feels therapeutic to have all of that away, at least for now. ... <<<

Wiggy, I do hope for your and Wiglet' s sake that the police warning will give you a peaceful Christmas.

To my mind, the only permanently peaceful way forward is to get a restraining order or injunction to protect both you and Wiglet from your mother and sisters' harassment and bullying. That will give you a calm year next year to focus on building your new career and retain your secure happy home for Wiglet. It can't do Wiglet any good to see you perpetually worried and scared.

If your mother and sisters leave you alone then all well and good. Don't be tempted to make contact yourself, as that will open the door on Pandora's box, so to speak and all manner of further troubles could ensue.

If your mother or sister make any kind of contact with you or Wiglet over the holidays then phone the police immediately. Make the most of the police support now you have it. And keep your solicitor at the Aid Centre informed.

I think you are still handling things well and are doing everything any sane person would to protect their child and themselves.

unicorn1984

Wow Wiggy, you are doing fantastic! Well done for having the courage to go against the grain of your family and standing up to your Mother, maybe this time she will finally think before she acts. You are in control.

So many people in here are in full support of you and what you are doing, myself included, you and Wiglet can now concentrate on having your first little Christmas and start making your own traditions!

You are NOT MAD. None of this is your fault, you have done NOTHING wrong. Your Mother has made you think that anything that doesn't conform to her way of thinking is wrong for so many years, so now you are doubting what you are doing. You are protecting your little boy, that's the end of it. You are his Mother and that's what Mothers do.... what NORMAL Mothers do.

If your Mum really had doubts about your mental state, she should have tried to help, and get you help. She didn't, she kicked you while you were down and tried to take your baby away, she enlisted the help of your own siblings to try and convince the authorities that you were unfit to look after Wiglet. I still cant comprehend this.

I totally agree with everything people have said about how you don't know what is "normal", your Mums behaviour is all you have known, but trust me, she is not worthy to be labelled a Mum. YOU ARE. More than worthy. You protect your son with every fibre of your being. You have cut people out of your life, you have started again. You have done all this to protect Wiglet and you should be proud.

The best part about you? The way you have acted during this whole process. Yes, you have been scared, but you have composed yourself so admirably. I think if it were me, I would have done someone a serious injury by now LOL but you have acted fantastically! You have kept a level head, and even though you have been afraid (who wouldn't be???) you haven't let it get the better of you.

Cant wait to hear all about your first Christmas as a little family!! xxx

CRANKY40

Wiggy, your mum is nuts, you're not luckily. She reminds me of my friend's mum, no longer with us now, who had the doctor called to sign for her to be sectioned yet again. The doctor came and she acted like there was nothing wrong and nearly got away with it...until he was leaving through the gate which was the point when she grabbed an umbrella from the hallstand and chased him down the road in her nightie battering him with the afore mentioned umbrella. She was sectioned.