Family cut themselves out of my son's life

jellyhead

If it really was you, Wiggy, your mum would have got social services involved. I don't think she is truly concerned about your mental health or your ability to bring Wiglet up.

You're doing okay, keep that faith in yourself

mellymoo74

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I am back, goodness me, thought there was an error with the amount of pages! :O

I don't mind difference of opinion, I appreciate that it is all 'my side' really. I have good feelings from what has been suggested in texts that my mum knows what the reasons are. I've experienced first hand that she sees things differently. the incident with taking wiglet, she skimmed over it immediately after and saw it as 'protecting him'. She practically screamed 'mental illness' at the officers attending to retrieve him, and my sisters quickly got on the bandwagon, both theorising rapidly that I was bipolar, mad, an assortment of all of it. I will never forget my youngest sister standing right outside, stating that I was bipolar and unstable and she worried for wiglet in my care.

I don't try to think about it and try to forgive, telling myself she is only young and just has mum to go by. But she was 15 and could debate with me on sexism then. not a baby and certainly not someone who didn't know what she was saying. As for my other sister, she was 17. She was qualified to work in a nursery. She had a baby too. Yet she said the same and actually cried on the doorstep as if I would hurt him if he left, that to go back to his mother would be giving him to the devil or something!

I do worry if I did the right thing and it is no mean feat to say to an officer, yes I'd like my mother arrested. Of course I worried and doubted it, but at the end of the day, I did only ask for some space. she's got out of hand and it seemed only right to put a stopper to things.

I got a call today saying they'd gone around. He had a heavy Scottish accent so I had difficulty hearing him a bit, but it sounded like they'd hadn't arrested her but the statement had been read so must have gone to police station? And had told her no contact or she will be arrested. I think he said she did not understand and was asking why, but from my experience, this would be her way of proclaiming innocence, showing me as unstable and cruel and casting doubts. Not to mention saving face if it happened in public.

I don't know. Anyway, it is done. I can't help but feel the lady officer who attended to take my statement pushed it forward as she heard from me the situation, and so it didn't take as long as she said.

It feels therapeutic to have all of that away, at least for now. There are times when I think about all they've done that I wonder what is wrong with me, if it IS me and not them? If they are right and I'm not a good mum, or I am mad? But if that was true, surely others would say so too. I've heard nothing but good things from HV and other people. And how would I be doing it all now, not feeling down or anything like that, like bipolar or PND feel? Just guess you have to have a bit of faith in yourself- that or be so busy with dirty nappies and playing dinosaurs that everything goes on anyway!

You are not mad.

Instead of support your mum for whatever reason undermined you if she had have supported you the PND would have been easier to cope with.
Start planning your Christmas. Did you get the crown in the end? I am hoping that I can still get one on Friday dog fixing cleared me out.

itsanne

There's nothing wrong with you, wiggy, and you are not mad. Enough other people in real life have been involved with you and are happy with wiglet for you to be confident of that.

Gingernutty

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Lanier, myusername,

Don't forget as well that any direct contact with the mum would seriously undermine wiggy's legal position regarding the harassment. If wiggy suddenly started writing to her mum, even if it were a one off letter, then her mother could say to the police 'see look wiggy is initiating contact even though she has told all of you she doesn't want it'. It doesn't matter that it would a final communication to make her position clear, it would send mixed messages. Now it's on a legal footing wiggy must be consistent in her approach and stick with the legal advice she has received if she is to gain the peace she and wiglet deserve.

Wiggy please do not write ANY letters to you mum. Keep it on a formal footing. Do not undermine your legal position.

This is excellent advice. I'm not the only person to second this.

I don't believe for a second that wiggy's mum doesn't know why all this has come about. She has mentioned the key incidents in her text messages (the oar incident and demanding to take wiglet without wiggy on holiday). She is simply acting like this because she has lost control over the situation.

Myusername - I feel for you and it must be very hard, and whilst there are some parallels to wiggy's situation I think you are projecting your own sense of loss. Wiggy's mum has behaved this way to wiggy's dad, driven off wiglets dad and has got her sisters bf on the run. This woman knows what she is doing and is very well practiced at it. I very much doubt you have behaved in the same way as you sound like a lovely lady. If its a choice between wiggy/wiglets safety, security and happiness and giving the mum 'closure' I'm sorry but wiggy and wiglet win every time.

I think that wiggy's mum will never 'get it' because no one has stood up to her bullying before. I think the idea of getting round a table and sorting it out is naive. If the mum was really wanting to understand what was happening she would have reflected on the harassment letter and let the dust settle, not completely disregarded it and gone on demanding to take wiglet alone. There has been no mention of how are you wiggy? There is just no interest in a relationship with wiggy, she just wants wiglet. That is not normal behaviour in my view.

my-user-name wrote: »

I guess your right Ballabriggs,it is too late for wiggy to explain in a letter or accepted mediation but if she had done this at the beginning then I think the outcome might have been different.


Im definatly not on wiggys mothers side Ballabriggs,she does sound horrific,however I think the reason shes behaving like this is through sheer frustration at suddenly being cut off from her grandchild and in her mind she dosent know why(even though we do).

I've lurked this thread since the beginning.

Wiggy is doing a marvellous job with Wiglet and, as far as the legal thing is concerned, Ballabrigg and the rest are correct.

Now there are solicitors and police involved, any direct Wiggy to mum contact is seen as undermining the legal side of things.

I'm intrigued by how naive Lannie Duck and my-user-name seem to be.

I've not had any experience of children or custody but I have had experience (direct, first hand and second hand) of mental illness and instability.

There is no talking to this woman. There is no point where she will see reason. She is right. Everyone else is wrong. Why can't anyone else see that? Only she knows what's right for the family. Only when things are under 'her' roof and under her control will everything be right.

The "beginning" you talk of, my-user-name, was when Wiggy's Mum met and married her Dad.

Long before the little Wiglet was born, long before Wiglet's cousin was born and long before Wiggy and her sisters were born.

Her behaviour was outrageous long before she attempted to kidnap Wiglet.

No one has challenged her behaviour before now. Her husband, her daughters, her daughters' boyfriends and her own mother have yielded to her unreasonable demands for decades.

This is the first time someone has gone against her and meant it.

The texts she sent have been hair-raising - they're all ME! ME!! ME!!!

Yes. A reasonable person can be reasoned with. She's not reasonable by a long stretch.

She's been told, by solicitor's letter, not to contact Wiggy. She could write to the solicitor, as a mediator, but no, she's landed on the doorstep, sent texts and in them made not very veiled threats to Wiggy about resorting to law.

She is clearly capable of maintaining a public facade - she's been promoted at work and can appear 'normal'.

It's these 'normal' nutters that are the most dangerous. Gaslighting is common.

She will appear reasonable to anyone she wants to get on her side. Police, solicitors, social services, doctors, health visitors but will twist whatever they say into what she wants to hear and will disregard anything instruction or advice they give her if she doesn't want to adhere to them.

When the police land on her doorstep, she'll turn on the waterworks and tell them about how unstable Wiggy is, how she is so worried about Wiglet and how she only wants to see the little fellow. After all, it's Christmas. How can Wiggy deny her son a family Christmas?? How? How?

She sees no fault in her own behaviour, doesn't understand what she's done wrong (Nanna and Wiggy's sisters will back her up at this stage), after all, she only wants to do nice things for Wiglet. Presents, holiday - nice things, see?

So no. Sitting down at the beginning would not have helped. She'd have disregarded every recommendation which doesn't fit her her warped, controlling grasp of the situation as she sees it and may even have played into her hands.

She agreed to mediation, didn't she? She's done everything right, hasn't she? Pffft! What's a few texts, right?

Carry on Wiggy. It may not feel like it, but you're doing everything exactly right. You're not mad. You have the doctor and HV both saying Wiglet is very well.

:santa2: I hope you have a peaceful Christmas. Try not to stress too much. We're here if the mad bat texts again.

my-user-name wrote: »

And you need to chill out meritaten lol


Its Christmas after all!!

Oh, wow! Passive aggressive, much?

mellymoo74

I think part of the problem is that people find it hard to believe a mother could do this so it must be a misunderstanding, if everyone just sat down and talked it would be better. Sometimes tbe only thing you can do is cut the person out of you life before you end up as warped as they are.
I also think it helps if you lurked on wiggys previous thread's, so you read about her being thrown out of the house with the little un, then thrown out of her nan's and eventually moving in with someone she knew at uni until she got where she is now.
When you have done this you see things differently.

Gingernutty

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I am back, goodness me, thought there was an error with the amount of pages! :O

I don't mind difference of opinion, I appreciate that it is all 'my side' really. I have good feelings from what has been suggested in texts that my mum knows what the reasons are. I've experienced first hand that she sees things differently. the incident with taking wiglet, she skimmed over it immediately after and saw it as 'protecting him'. She practically screamed 'mental illness' at the officers attending to retrieve him, and my sisters quickly got on the bandwagon, both theorising rapidly that I was bipolar, mad, an assortment of all of it. I will never forget my youngest sister standing right outside, stating that I was bipolar and unstable and she worried for wiglet in my care.

I don't try to think about it and try to forgive, telling myself she is only young and just has mum to go by. But she was 15 and could debate with me on sexism then. not a baby and certainly not someone who didn't know what she was saying. As for my other sister, she was 17. She was qualified to work in a nursery. She had a baby too. Yet she said the same and actually cried on the doorstep as if I would hurt him if he left, that to go back to his mother would be giving him to the devil or something!

I do worry if I did the right thing and it is no mean feat to say to an officer, yes I'd like my mother arrested. Of course I worried and doubted it, but at the end of the day, I did only ask for some space. she's got out of hand and it seemed only right to put a stopper to things.

I got a call today saying they'd gone around. He had a heavy Scottish accent so I had difficulty hearing him a bit, but it sounded like they'd hadn't arrested her but the statement had been read so must have gone to police station? And had told her no contact or she will be arrested. I think he said she did not understand and was asking why, but from my experience, this would be her way of proclaiming innocence, showing me as unstable and cruel and casting doubts. Not to mention saving face if it happened in public.

I don't know. Anyway, it is done. I can't help but feel the lady officer who attended to take my statement pushed it forward as she heard from me the situation, and so it didn't take as long as she said.

It feels therapeutic to have all of that away, at least for now. There are times when I think about all they've done that I wonder what is wrong with me, if it IS me and not them? If they are right and I'm not a good mum, or I am mad?

That's your mother's malign influence. That's the effect of gaslighting.

But if that was true, surely others would say so too. I've heard nothing but good things from HV and other people.

It's always good to receive feedback from an independent third party. If they're happy, then you are doing well.

And how would I be doing it all now, not feeling down or anything like that, like bipolar or PND feel? Just guess you have to have a bit of faith in yourself- that or be so busy with dirty nappies and playing dinosaurs that everything goes on anyway!

That's the spirit! Good for you!!

It sounds like your mother may have had a formal caution. That means there was enough evidence for the police to believe you.

You wouldn't be normal if you didn't doubt yourself. You'd be a psychopath!

Your mother has dictated your family's life for so long, that it's all you know. You are still only learning that. There's a lot to learn about 'normal life'.

Normal mothers do not kidnap their grandchildren and scream and cry to the police that her own daughter is mentally ill.

You are doing a grand job, Wiggy. Keep going.

Wol2

"It feels therapeutic to have all of that away, at least for now. There are times when I think about all they've done that I wonder what is wrong with me, if it IS me and not them? If they are right and I'm not a good mum, or I am mad? But if that was true, surely others would say so too. I've heard nothing but good things from HV and other people. And how would I be doing it all now, not feeling down or anything like that, like bipolar or PND feel? Just guess you have to have a bit of faith in yourself- that or be so busy with dirty nappies and playing dinosaurs that everything goes on anyway![/QUOTE]


Phew - Glad to see you here tonight Wiggy

Clearly you have lots of thoughts to explore but regardless of how you may be thinking atm you need to consider the alternative point of view to your mum from us here which states that
a) you have have done NOTHING wrong....
b) there is nothing "wrong" with you as a person
c) YOU ARE NOT MAD
d) it's HER not you that has issues
e) it is completely normal for you to have these wobbles given what you have escaped from

Stay strong Hun -- so sorry recent events have wobbled you....


It doesn't matter what I OR ANYONE ELSE says....you will have to work that out for yourself... so please carry on talking about it until you feel comfortable in your own mind about how you choose to perceive past/current events.

We're all still here supporting you and cheering you on!

Hugs

xxxx

Corelli

Keep believing in yourelf Wiggy, believe your HV and GP, believe you are doing really flipping well to keep going with your studies despite all the stress. Believe in Wiglet and Wagalot's love for you and trust in you. The Police have believed you and acted on your statement - not sure it was a caution - they can only be given to a peron who had admitted guilt, and accepts it but the obviously have done something.

Have a happy nearly christmas.

Wol2

Lots of love from Ginger piggie

xxxx

tiger_eyes

You are absolutely not mad, and I'm glad that so many people in your life can see that so clearly, most importantly the police.

I hope you have a wonderful, stress-free Christmas with your own little family, without a moment's worry about anything at all.