Family cut themselves out of my son's life

duchy

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I've contacted police and women's aid, awaiting their responses.

Should I go to a new doctor about the letter, or return to the one I saw and just ask for any letter she can provide and give her the money?

I know people are getting at me for not changing my number or SIM. I haven't the money to get a new phone but could get a new GiffGaff sim. My issue is that my number connects me to everyone or everything I need. When I was homeless it was my only link and so many have it to contact me, with a wide range of services that I can't remember all of them. I don't want to change it and be out of contact for something important.

People aren't getting at you Sweetie-They are making suggestions...it's entirely up to you whether you take the advice or not

My suggestion is you wait and see what the Police and Women's Aid say before going back to the doctor. They may (for example) have a proforma wording you can use or other suggestions.

For what it is worth as the warning letter went to your Mum I don't see any harm in sending the suggested "I understand about the postage costs, hopefully you can return the presents or nephew can make use of them. I am not going to let Wiglet be taken anywhere without me, please stop putting us both in an awkward position by asking." text to your sister -the only change I would make is add "Dear XXX" so it is clear you are contacting her and not your Mother.

You don't need to explain WHY Wiglet isn't going anywhere without you for two reasons 1 Your sister knows what happened before and 2 You are his mother-your call-end of story....oh and three It's how normal mothers behave with children of that age

Sending the text might stop the whining - but I do think you're probably going to have to reinforce the "No contact" formal request letter in some form-but Women's Aid are the best people to advise you on the how I suspect.

paulineb_2

I wouldnt text the sister. If I was going to text the text would read please dont contact me again by text or I'll be seeing a lawyer.

I do understand the complexities of this situation. But my mum was a young mum, had me at 19. I cant imagine what it must be like to have your own child and constantly be harassed by family over the child.

Your mum has nil rights in law to see him as far as Im aware, if they do see him its down to your goodwill. Shut down the lines of communication and only speak to them through the police and lawyers and again, I would ask police to go to your mums door and ask them to stop contacting you

You cannot spend your whole life in fear of your mum and what she may or may not do next.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Mojisola wrote: »

Agree with paulineb. Keep to the legal route - don't start up direct contact again yet.

FBR - This could go on for years but because Wiggy's mother will be finding it so hard to accept that Wiggy is no longer under her control - not because she's a concerned granny who doesn't understand why her daughter is being horrible to her!

I didn't say that. Wiggy needs to make it clear that she takes abduction threats seriously. If she doesn't it could well go on for years.

paulineb_2

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I didn't say that. Wiggy needs to make it clear that she takes abduction threats seriously. If she doesn't it could well go on for years.

Even if she does text though, it could still go on for years, the mother doesnt seem the most reasonable or balanced individual. The OP will text, the mum and sis will text back. Its just going to go on and on in the same vein. And thats why I think contact needs to cease from the OP to them.

Thats why I think she needs to get a lawyer or the police involved, ie stay away or there will be consequences.

duchy

paulineb wrote: »

I wouldnt text the sister. If I was going to text the text would read please dont contact me again by text or I'll be seeing a lawyer.

.

Thing is Wiggy has never asked her sister not to contact her-just her Mum. The fact sister has helped her Mum (apparently) in continuing the harassment isn't relevent as sister was not mentioned in the don't contact letter.

Sister obviously isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer -evidenced by her choosing to stay living with her (over-powering) mother when she could have applied for housing either as a single parent or with her boyfriend -or even rented privately with him so I do think a polite and measured reply is more appropriate. After all who knows if she may need Wiggy's support in the future when she herself needs to escape this woman. I don't think she's at that point yet..... as her actions are odd. In this situation I think I'd be saying to my sister "OK I understand you don't want to see Mum but can't you and I meet up for a coffee sometime-with or without Wiglet?" However I think Wiggy's Mum has probably played "divide and conquer" between the sisters for so long this actually hasn't occurred to her the way it would a sister living in a normal family dynamic. (and I don't think Wiggy should suggest it btw)

paulineb_2

duchy wrote: »

Thing is Wiggy has never asked her sister not to contact her-just her Mum. The fact sister has helped her Mum (apparently) in continuing the harassment isn't relevent as sister was not mentioned in the don't contact letter.

Sister obviously isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer -evidenced by her choosing to stay living with her (over-powering) mother when she could have applied for housing either as a single parent or with her boyfriend -or even rented privately with him so I do think a polite and measured reply is more appropriate. After all who knows if she may need Wiggy's support in the future when she herself needs to escape this woman. I don't think she's at that point yet..... as her actions are odd. In this situation I think I'd be saying to my sister "OK I understand you don't want to see Mum but can't you and I meet up for a coffee sometime-with or without Wiglet?" However I think Wiggy's Mum has probably played "divide and conquer" between the sisters for so long this actually hasn't occurred to her the way it would a sister living in a normal family dynamic. (and I don't think Wiggy should suggest it btw)

I understand what you are saying but I dont agree. The sister was party to the last incident. Yes she may need her help at some point in the future but Im not sure Id be wanting to see her.

Also, she texts the sis, asks to meet, the sis goes back to the mum, all hell breaks loose.

I think as has been suggested earlier in the thread the sis is now contacting her as the mum has been told not to, thats just harassment in another form.

Until she sister is away from the mother, physically and emotionally which she isnt at the moment, Id be giving her a very wide berth indeed.

duchy

paulineb wrote: »

Even if she does text though, it could still go on for years, the mother doesnt seem the most reasonable or balanced individual. The OP will text, the mum and sis will text back. Its just going to go on and on in the same vein. And thats why I think contact needs to cease from the OP to them.

Thats why I think she needs to get a lawyer or the police involved, ie stay away or there will be consequences.

Yes it could go on and on .....but as Wiggy becomes more independent -the impact lessens (as it has to a degree already). Wiggy's not going to stay living where she is forever anyway. In time she'll move and obviously Mum and sister won't have any idea where she lives anyway.

I do think Wiggy needs to keep sister at arms length but I also think Wiggy is aware of her Nan's health and age and would like to know if anything happens. If she keeps an arms length relationship with sister then she has that contact (and also if something did happen Mum has no excuse for breaking the injunction because it was "an emergency" like Nan going into hospital)

I do think Wiggy needs to get the Mother to stop now -with an injunction if needs be and if sister keeps in touch by text that's OK as Wiggy can tell her as much or as little as she chooses...likewise with Nan I see no reason why Wiggy shouldn't keep in touch by letter for now. It's Mum who is the problem -not her other victims.

wiggywoo9

Ok I'm really muddled now, whether to reply to sister or not!!! I will write to nana but finding it hard to avoid the situation. When contacting police I grouped my sister with mum and said they were both harassing me, same with women's aid.

Dimey

Unfortunately Sister's latest text is focussing on Wiglet, not Wiggy. So similar to the mother's style. Either the mother is orchestrating sister or sister has the same ambitions as the mother - that of getting hold of Wiglet.

Why are they so obsessed with Wiglet? Do they really want the child or is it a power thing to destroy Wiggy?

Wiggy, if you want your Nan to see you and Wiglet, you could write to your Nan or phone her and arrange to send a taxi to collect her alone, bring her to you and take her home again.
If money is a problem, then maybe you know someone with a car who would do the favour for you.

I'm very pleased you have contacted the solicitor and police. They are the experts in your area. Follow their guidance.

Don't let Wiglet out of your sight. I wouldn't reply to sister until you've asked expert advice. See what they think to the draft reply above.

Its sad you've been thrown back in to all this legal work but you could hardly ignore your mother flouting the solicitor's warning letter, especially as your sister seems to have picked up the poison chalice.

Hopefully you'll be able to get an injunction in time for everyone involved to have a quiet peaceful Christmas.

Dimey

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Ok I'm really muddled now, whether to reply to sister or not!!! I will write to nana but finding it hard to avoid the situation. When contacting police I grouped my sister with mum and said they were both harassing me, same with women's aid.

My view is that your sister is actively helping your mother, not you.

I would include your sister in the complaint. That way your mother can't use her. And she has been actively involved in all the harassment, including the last text.

Don't feel too bad about the injunction. You can review the situation in months or years to come when you and Wiglet are strong. By then emotions will have calmed down and hopefully your mother's obsession will have transferred to another victim. You can review contact with your sister and nephew then.

Edit: Might be worth you writing out all the reasons why you need the restraining order and what your mother & sister have done to scare you & Wiglet. And how their behaviour has affected your mental & physical health. Go right back to the PND times to show how their abuse and harassment has been consistent over time. That might help when you meet the solicitor/police and it might be used as explanation for your mother & sister within or alongside the order.