Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Mojisola

jjj1980 wrote: »

I spoke to a solicitor to be totally sure of what I believed and was told grandparents have no legal rights to any contact with grandchildren, aunts/uncles etc have even less.

If the grandparents wanted to fight it, they would have to go via solicitors to put a request to the judge for permission to submit a contact order request. They are not allowed to just start proceedings, as a biological parents would be.

You would hen be given the opportunity to explain why you felt no contact was the best way forward and without strongly opposing evidence, the judges would always look more favourably on the parents side.

wiggy - without making a massive issue of it, if your relatives put anything in writing - emails, facebook, texts - copy the messages and keep them safe as evidence just in case they are mad enough to take it this far.

Also, make sure his passport is locked away somewhere!

System

I must admit, my eldest two went abroad with their Nan on holiday but they were older than 2 and I was fine with it. I missed them like crazy of course but it gave them an opportunity I couldn't give them.

Mind you, you and your son are better off alone if your family thinks its ok to blackmail you into agreeing to it.

Stuff 'em.

tiger_eyes

If your family are willing to cut your son out of their lives, they obviously don't care about him anyway. Their problem, not yours. Don't be dependent on these people for anything, especially not essential childcare - you can't trust them.

earthmother

I've been through the blackmailing grandparents scenario - the tale is too long and depressing to repeat, but suffice to say they eventually gave the 'our way or no contact' ultimatum ... that was 10 years ago, and my kids haven't suffered, even the one who was old enough to have some memories of them.

They would have suffered had we bowed to the pressure though - the stress levels at home were through the roof before the break, trust was totally lost (no way would I have ever let them take the kids away for a day trip, let alone overnight - an hour of the kids in their care was scary enough).

I'm lucky in that my own parents have been more than grandparent enough that my boys haven't missed the other side, but I agree with what others have said - look for mum & toddler groups, maybe find a social/hobby group (around here there are a couple of groups who just go for walks in the local park/countryside with their little ones - a kind of keep fit tied in with making new friends).

With regard to the child care - a child minder is a good idea, and I believe it's at 2.5yrs when the free nursery places come into effect, so that's another option that will be open to you.

Reading between the lines, and with what others have said about your history, I would really recommend keeping copies of all contacts etc. Not just for possible legal factors, but for the future, when he is older and maybe becomes interested in his family (possibly even want to make contact with them). That way, he will be able to see exactly what happened, in black and white, and there will be no chance of them ever twisting the tale to suit them (my monster in law apparently kept a diary that would tell everyone 'the truth' about how badly we raised our children and stopped them ever seeing their grandparents ... was one of her last threats to try and get us to give in before she blocked all contact with us ... should it ever come to light, we can give them the balanced story).


At the end of the day, he's your son, you get to make the decisions for his life, big or small, and if your gut says no, then no is the answer.

wiggywoo9

Thank you for every single post. It helps to know I'm not going nuts or doubt my decisions! The reason they didn't invite me is cos we went for a full family holiday in a caravan last year. I had PND but paid for the van and ended up inviting all of them. I behaved pretty well, kept things light, but no, my mum ended up threatening to leave us a few days in, and as she was the only transport provider we had, we had to pander to everything she wanted. And I was always the black sheep. They said they'd never go anywhere with me again.
Only a few months ago they went DLP then Spain together, leaving me to look after everything, walk theirs and my mum's dog. And she wanted to take my son then too, and was asking constantly. I said no, as I've said now and I emphasised I am not happy with that and will not be changing til he's bigger, like 8/9.
The thing is, my sister has a baby, my son's cousin, and loves their relationship together. As her baby is under my mum's roof like mine was, and they took him abroad with them when they last went, they think her parenting and baby sets a precedent. I have a uneasy feeling that my sister's situation is an awful lot like mine, although she has her boyfriend still, who lives at his home. If any situation like mine happened, at least she's got options then. Unfortunate to be the biggest sister, where there's no-one above you to offer help!

LannieDuck

It's going to sound a bit harsh, but it seems to me that your Mum is spoilt. She thinks if she stamps her feet and has a temper-tantrum, she can get her own way.

Sad to say until people start to stand up to her, she's probably right.

BitterAndTwisted

If they are half as controlling as you are painting them, any radio-silence will drive them mad. Fully expect them to get into contact and expect to be able to bully you in precisely the same way over and over again.

Cut your dependence on them and don't be beholden to them for anything. By the same token do not feel obliged to dog-sit or do anything else for them.

This could be looked at as a golden opportunity to expand your horizons and get a network of decent people around you. Start joining stuff. Anything. Mother and toddlers. Church groups. Gingerbread. The lot

chelseablue

I agree with BitterAndTwisted, start joining groups to build a network of nice people

What a horrible situation, with families like that who needs enemies

indsty

If you take away anything from this thread - let it be that you are (in everybody's opinion) a caring and nurturing mum to your little boy. He is your responsibility and you are being a responsible parent. Go with your instincts every time. Stay in touch with the family as and when you want to but make sure they know you are independent and can cope without them.

Tiddlywinks

The 'relationship' you have with your family is NOT healthy... you know that, deep down.

Your son will look to you for his moral compass and will learn from you how to treat others... do you want him to see your family's behaviour and think that's normal?

You are intelligent and tough enough to survive on your own until you build up a new support network... people that like you for who you are and not what they want you to be.

So, you won't get to Euro Disney as early as you wanted - your son won't miss what he didn't know. Leaving it a while will mean he's older and more able to appreciate it and remember it anyway so that isn't a disaster.

Take control - you can still send cards, have conversations etc BUT on your terms... once they start to see that you have changed then they may ease off anyway.

If they start to make threats then just be calm and say 'sorry I've got to stop you there, you need to stop speaking to me that way or I'll have to hang up...' if they continue then put the phone down.

If you get threatening texts then transfer them to a memory card and keep them... respond by saying 'please do not contact me until you are prepared to be civil'...

By doing things your way, you are taking back control.