Family cut themselves out of my son's life

TBagpuss

Does your nan want help? If so, you can help her by taking her to see a solicitor.

She can chose to change her will (she does't need to tell your mother about it) She could alsogrant a power of attorney to you, or to her solicitor, to allow you (or them) to manage her finacial affairs for her, which would allow them to protect her from your mum financially.

Do talk to age concerns for more detailed advice, and consier also alrernig your nan's GP to your concerns.

Call your local social services and speak to the adults teamand flag up your concerns. You should be able to do so anonymously if necessary.

Would it be possible for your nan to come to you, even temporarily, to ensure that she is safe while she gets help and advice to protect herself movng forward?

TBagpuss

Also - encourage your couisin to speak to social services about your mother's treatment of your nan. If they have reports coming ffrom more than one source then that ads weight to what they are being told. T

pebbles88

Hi wiggy,

Your mums a right one isn't she!!

I don't know about your sister, she may be in too deep. At least you have validation from your cousin that agrees with you.

Definitely ring the safeguarding team about your man & I second getting your cousin to contact them too. It's utterly disgraceful what your mum is doing!!

Thank goodness your nan has you, xxx:T

RuthnJasper

Hello Wiggy, so glad to hear a Wigupdate, but not about your poor nan. My mum's sister did the same to my nan. Told us that her mind had gone, she was housebound, redid the house without nan's consent, etc. My nanny was just old, and perfectly happy to go out on little trips in the car with my mum when she visited.


My heart goes out to your nan, she must feel like she's under siege.


I can only echo the advice given in previous posts and recommend that you get onto social services as soon as possible. Age UK are very helpful too:- http://www.ageuk.org.uk/.


I think you're fantastic Wiggy. Best of luck to you and hope things improve for your nan very soon. x

wiggywoo9

Thank you everyone. Unfortunately, I live 2 stories up with 2 flights of stairs. I'm also out pretty much all day until evening with no-one close by. My cousin's family have offered to have her with them, but she won't leave her house she shared with my grandad.

thorsoak

I hope you have notified the Adult Safeguarding Team, Wiggy .....it could be the start of turning the tables on your nightmare of a mother! x

wiggywoo9

Hi all,

I've put in my concerns with adult safeguarding. I'm actually shaking with rage as they seem utterly incompetent and incapable. It's a box ticking exercise with no concern for the person, wanting paperwork done before the even consider looking into it- delays in calling me back etc. I have no faith whatsoever and I'm really worried they'll just get fed a pack of lies from my mother, again. It's gone round again with me trying to get help and people acting like I'm crazy because I mention things she's done before. Why can't people be human for once!

thorsoak

Have you spoken to these people or just filled in forms? If you've passed on your concerns to your nan's GP and social worker they should at least look at her case. Local authorities have social workers who deal specifically with cases of abuse and neglect. If you've already called the local council and asked for the adult safeguarding co-ordinator they really should do something.

You can also speak to the police about the situation. Some forms of abuse are crimes, so the police will be interested. If the person is in danger or needs medical attention, call their GP if known or emergency services if immediate assistance is required.

You can also call the Action on Elder Abuse helpline, free and in confidence, on 0808 808 8141.

barbiedoll

Wiggy, your mother is known to the police isn't she? After the injunction and all that stuff?

Listening and recording your nan's phone calls and opening her mail may be seen by them as abuse, especially as your nan doesn't have dementia or any other reason to be monitored 24/7. Do you know if your mother has power of attorney over your nan's affairs?(knowing her, she probably does, the conniving mare.)

Can your cousin and other family members join forces with you to report this? As your mother has form for controlling and abusive behaviour, they might just take it seriously, especially if more than one of you state that you have grave concerns.

How long has she lived at your nan's house? Does she have any property of her own? Why did she end up living there with your sisters? Has she ever lived in her own place or has she controlled your nan for a long time?

Keep on at SS, they have a duty of care towards vunerable adults. You just need to make them see that your nan is vunerable!

wiggywoo9

I've called and bugged them and only today they called back, all nonchalant and calm. I did say this is how people fall through cracks because you focus more on having a file up to date than actually talking to the person involved. They said they will investigate- and I warned them against talking to my mother. I'm about 95% certain they will come back saying nothing is up. That's what my mother is clever at. And two guesses who's going to end up looking nuts! I hope they have training in manipulation, all the undercover, sneaky ways to abuse and hurt someone, or nothing will be done.

Regarding the housing situation, my nan has lived there her whole life. My mother and sisters lived in HA house which was fine whilst she milked the benefits system (she didn't work for 14 years). When benefits stopped due to age she struggled and leapt into my nan's house immediately, redecorating and tearing up the house to suit her. This was 5 years ago. She firstly convinced my nan that she would take the house after she passed and pay the other two siblings off. Then she made it change so she was the only beneficiary. Now is taking money directly, encouraging her to do up a conservatory because she 'doesn't like it'.

She is very good at making others feel like they owe her.