Family cut themselves out of my son's life

mellymoo74

Ah

Then only you can decide whether you need to go.
Your nan has said not to and if you can still speak to her and make sure she knows you love her and say your byes it will be OK.

This type of thing will throw you give wigdog and wiglet lots of cuddles
She knows that you love her that's the important thing

gettingtheresometime

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted but I need some advice.

I've been doing well, however I had some news from my cousin that my nan was not doing well. She's been in hospital again and doesn't have much time left.

I called her, had a good long chat. I was quite upset and sent home from work. Yesterday I spoke to her again and let wiglet talk to her too. It's very upsetting and I don't know how to come to terms with it tbh. She's done so much for me and the last true close family member I have.

I asked if I could see her, but she didn't think it was a good idea. I know my mother would kick off and I don't want to cause my nan pain.

I also found out my sister has had another baby.

I am really finding all of this hard and no-one to turn to.

I really broke down at work on Friday and ended up talking to my colleague about my family issue - briefly- and I don't know how to face it tomorrow. Everyone probably already thinks I've got issues being a lone parent and all. She's going to think it's some crazy rebellious thing and think poorly of me.

I just need some advice. Feeling a bit alone.

Only you know your colleague but if you told me your story I wouldn't think any less of you. She probably hasn't even thought any more of it so I wouldn't worry on that score.

We all have baggage of some sort.

With regards to your nan I think I'd keep all contact to the phone..it would be less stress for you and less worry for your Nan

thorsoak

Chin up Wiggy! Your colleague(s) will probably think far more of you, knowing exactly what has gone on in the past, and how well you have managed on your own with Wigletxxxx

I'm sorry to read this about your Nan - and sadly this is something that you will have to come to terms with. Ask your cousin to keep you in the loop, and to let you know immediately if Nan goes into hospital again - you can then go and see her - as someone said, check at the nursing station if she already has visitors. But whatever happens, she will always be your Nan - your mother cannot take that - and the fact that she has always loved you, away from you.

You will get strength to cope with this - you are one of life's copers xxxxx

Detroit

I haven't read the entire thread, but would comment on the one concern you raised about your colleague thinking badly of you.

I think you have no need to worry about this. Most decent people are flattered when others confide in them and happy to help.

From the comments from other posters on here, you sound like the sort of person who inspires respect, people won't change their opinion of you because you've been unfortunate in your family relationships.

If you scratch the service few people live perfect lives and there's always vulnerable areas in each of us.
Often confiding in someone is the start of a deeper friendship developing.

I wish you strength in facing what ever is to come with your nan.

harrys_nan

that is very sad news to hear. Your nan has asked you not to visit her at home, but as others have said if she goes into hospital contact the nurse station and arrange to visit her there.
I'm am pretty sure your work friend will NOT think bad of you, you do need to trust people sometimes. Please talk to her, maybe a watered down account of all that has happened if that makes it easier to talk. ((((HUGS))))

zaxdog

I echo the OP in that you are doing fabulous job raising the Wiglet.

Your Nan knows the situation I am sure and I am sure she loves you but she knows that bringing you into the house would only cause renewed stress for you. Think of it like she is trying at the end of her days to protect you both.

Good luck to you and if you ever holiday in the West of Scotland Wiglets ice creams are on me

wiggywoo9

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted. My nan is still with us- she had a fall today and called me because she needed help. My sister was in the house hoovering and she wasn't picking up my nan's call. I called her an ambulance and got my cousin's mum to contact my sister. She's fine now- it was very worrying.

It has led to a conversation with my cousin. They are not allowed contact with my sisters or my mother. They are not allowed to know anything about their life (eg the new baby). My mother has gained control to the point of madness it seems. She listens and records my nan's phone conversations as well as my sisters'. She opens her mail.

She doesn't take her out of the house any more (nan has arthritis so can't leave herself). My sisters ignore my nan and don't bother with her. My mother has changed my nan's will. Although I already knew she had moved into the house and redcorated by her own volition, she has now ensured she gets the house entirely and only a few hundred are left to my uncle and aunt. She has been pressurising my nan to rebuild the conservatory as she 'doesn't like it'- and using my nan's money for some time. She has encouraged my sisters' 'boyfriend' and father of the two kids to move in to a house that is still my nan's- currently accommodating two kids under 5, my two sisters, my nan, my mother and two dogs. The boyfriend is weak and easily manipulated.

My sister is fully under her control with no home or anything without my mother. She forced my other sister to change her course to suit her as she 'didn't agree with it'.

My cousin apologised to me- she said she now sympathises with me, hopes I've found hope in my dad's family, and cannot believe all the things my mother has told them about me over the years (which makes me wonder how far this witch hunt has gone as they excluded me for years).

I'm appalled, shocked and disgusted. I need to know how I can help my nan urgently. My sister wrote me a letter after xmas telling me to get lost in many nasty words as I sent xmas cards/gifts and that I was nothing to do with them. I wonder if it's even possible to help her or if she's lost in my mother's web.

I do feel a sense of being pardoned- all these years treated like I was mad and now maybe I was right about everything. They see through her at last.

Gingernutty

Someone who is more knowledgable than me may be along to advise.

Could a call to social services be in order - overcrowding, elder abuse and child safety being issues?

annandale

0808 808 8141

Action on elder abuse helpline

mellymoo74

Wiggy call social service adult safeguarding team.

I have done it and they are really good and helpful