Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Lieja

I'm another that would not respond at all to the solicitor's letter.

My OH had an issue with contact with his child when he and I moved in together, after him and his whole family having regular contact including overnight stays, sometimes for a number of days without mum. As the father, he went through the courts and was granted access.

His mum, so child's grandmother, also approached a solicitor as a means of reinstating contact with her grandchild. She was told that she had no rights to contact and that a court would never usually go against a parent's decision to stop contact if it was just mum vs grandmother. They suggested mediation, but mum could always say no and that would be that. They asked her if she wanted them to send mum a solicitor's letter, as she might not know that grandmother had no real rights and it might 'stun' her into allowing contact again. Grandmother paid the fee and the letter was sent. Mum ignored the letter completely, and grandmother could do nothing at all about it. It wasn't until dad was granted access that grandmother was able to see her grandchild.

Obviously all circumstances are different, but just based on what my MIL was told I would imagine that there's no reason at all to respond in any way, and certainly don't let it get to you. She's floundering. Let her. And don't dignify it with a response.

RAS

The issue from WitchWigs point of view is that at various time wiglet has lived in the same household. So her claim to a relationship is stronger than that of the family of an ex-partner

The fact that she has tried to disrupt wiggywoo's relationship with wiglet and the relationships of both wiggywoo and wiglet with the childs' father is not apparent to her.

Ames

Wigwitch obviously failed to mention to her solicitor that Wiggy already has a legal advisor. Says it all really.

Lieja

RAS wrote: »

The issue from WitchWigs point of view is that at various time wiglet has lived in the same household. So her claim to a relationship is stronger than that of the family of an ex-partner

The fact that she has tried to disrupt wiggywoo's relationship with wiglet and the relationships of both wiggywoo and wiglet with the childs' father is not apparent to her.

OH's child did actually live with grandmother too until mum found her own place, but yes obviously the situations won't be exactly the same. Although mother of ex partner is no different that mother of mum, in terms of grandchild.

Point was basically that it's difficult enough for parents to be granted contact through legal channels, grandparents have very little chance if the parent is against it. However, solicitors will still charge to write letters that have no real significance.

DaftyDuck

Well, I'm glad that Wigwitch caught on!

Certainly, as has been pointed out already, no solicitor will expect a response quickly at this time of year.

I re-read the letter you received, and a couple of points strike me that suggest the solicitor in question is quite aware the case will go nowhere, and he's just writing to earn his fee. Yes, get a legal bod to reply, but given the peppering with: "our client instruct us" "from the instructions given"... that's far more dissociation from the remit of the letter than I'd expect if said solicitor thought there was a snowball's chance in Hell of this progressing. No, I think he's implying "our client insist we write..."

Frankly the "from the instructions given we see no reason why contact should be denied" seems to me to imply that they know bleeding well there's much more to this than the Wigwitch gave them.

I did further wonder (maybe just wishing...) that the final "this letter gives rise to important legal implications"... surely it can't be that the solicitors were made aware of the police interest in the matter... After all, the letter does indeed raise legal matters... for WigWitch... surely they can't have been dumping her in it, and pointing it out to you? I admit, wishful thinking....

If Wigwitch received something in writing from the rozzers, she may well take it to a solicitor for explanation yet, from what appears to be her ... complex personality, she'd ignore their advice to leave be, and insist they wrote... If she was rather volatile and insistent....

theoretica

DaftyDuck wrote: »

I did further wonder (maybe just wishing...) that the final "this letter gives rise to important legal implications"... surely it can't be that the solicitors were made aware of the police interest in the matter... After all, the letter does indeed raise legal matters... for WigWitch... surely they can't have been dumping her in it, and pointing it out to you? I admit, wishful thinking....

Oh, well spotted!

duchy

Thank you
Obviously every case is different but your case has enough similarities to reassure which is really helpful.

Lieja wrote: »

I'm another that would not respond at all to the solicitor's letter.

My OH had an issue with contact with his child when he and I moved in together, after him and his whole family having regular contact including overnight stays, sometimes for a number of days without mum. As the father, he went through the courts and was granted access.

His mum, so child's grandmother, also approached a solicitor as a means of reinstating contact with her grandchild. She was told that she had no rights to contact and that a court would never usually go against a parent's decision to stop contact if it was just mum vs grandmother. They suggested mediation, but mum could always say no and that would be that. They asked her if she wanted them to send mum a solicitor's letter, as she might not know that grandmother had no real rights and it might 'stun' her into allowing contact again. Grandmother paid the fee and the letter was sent. Mum ignored the letter completely, and grandmother could do nothing at all about it. It wasn't until dad was granted access that grandmother was able to see her grandchild.

Obviously all circumstances are different, but just based on what my MIL was told I would imagine that there's no reason at all to respond in any way, and certainly don't let it get to you. She's floundering. Let her. And don't dignify it with a response.

Dimey

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Hmm. So much for a quiet Christmas. Got a solicitor letter today dated 17th Dec regarding my mum. The police statement was taken on 14th and the arrest (?) thing was 15th. So either it was written late or in direct ignorance of the police action taken.

The letter is from a firm of solicitor that sounds vaguely familiar, seen the logo in the drawer of letters regarding my dad years ago.

I hope its ok to post bits here-

'we are instructed that since WIGLET's birth he has enjoyed regular contact with his grandmother (goes on to say he had stopped overnight)... we understand he has not seen his grandmother since October and our client has not seen WIGLET since then.'

On XX date, the grandmother told Wiggy that she wanted no further contact with Wiggy or Wiglet after Wiggy declined the grandmother's invitation to take Wiglet abroad for two weeks without Wiggy. After the Grandmother's threats to snatch Wiglet, Wiggy could not trust that Wiglet would be brought home. Wiglet is also too young to be away from his mother in the UK let alone abroad.

The Grandmother threw Wiggy out of the family home on XX date and has had no normal mother/daughter contact with Wiggy since.

Now this is the real ring-dinger:

'our client instruct us that has attempted to discuss the matter with you direct but the texts messages she has sent have not been replied to. reluctantly, therefore, our client hs felt it necessary to seek legal advice.'

After the Grandmother stopped contact, Wiggy agreed that no contact was best all round and asked the grandmother to stop her harassing texts and phone calls. Wiggy told the grandmother that she wanted a break from family contact and told the grandmother that the way she abused Wiggy after the birth of Wiglet and the harassment ever since caused Wiggy and to be fearful for her own and Wiglet's safety.
The Grandmother ignored Wiggy's requests to stop sending harassing texts, phone calls. The Grandmother and Wiggy's sister made a threatening visit. Police were called to remove the grandmother from trespassing on private property and stop her banging on Wiggy & Wiglet's door making threats. As a result Wiggy's solicitor sent a polite request to the Grandmother to ask her to cease and desist contact with Wiggy and Wiglet.
The grandmother ignored the solicitor's letter and it seems the only way to stop the grandmother will be to obtain a restraining order.

Hmm, forgetting threats, etc, or are they part of her 'discussion'?
Here's the funny bit-

'we have dvised our client that given the established and close and loving relationship that exists between her and WIGLET, it should be considered that it is in WIGLET's best interests to maintain that relationship. our clients seek for the contact that was taking place should be reinstated. from the instructions given we see no reason why contact should be denied.'

The grandmother has tried to manipulate and detrimentally influence Wiglet against his mother, Wiggy, since Wiglet's birth. The Grandmother also alienated Wiglet's father which Wiggy has since put right. Wiggy has serious concerns about the grandmother's lack of parenting skills and is terrified that the grandmother will act on her threats to steal Wiglet from Wiggy. For these reasons (and others) Wiggy has to put her child's safety and mental health first and will not allow contact with the grandmother for the foreseeable future.

Gosh, I forgot the police were just kidding. Odd that lovely grandmother never mentions them.

It then 'formally requests' that the overnight stay on Monday night plus that full day be 'reinstated' plus 'additional contact' on a 'flexible basis'. And- 'our clients wish to resolve this matter with you as amicably as possible'.

It ends by saying 'this letter gives rise to important legal implications' we recommend you seek legal advice, arrange for them to contact us direct, we will continue to liase with you direct if not, please contact within 14 days.

Ok, now ignoring my angry sarcasm, i'm just shaking my head in disbelief. What other lies and stories has she come up with? did she show them the texts? Ha, I assume they don't know about police either?!

What do I do now? police or legal advice (had call from her today, just need to send income details not dr letter and it will be fine).

Wiggy, I hope you are pressing the police, or Womens Aid or the Legal Advisor to get that restraining order/injunction as soon as possible.

Hopefully you have passed your mother's letter to the legal advisor by now. If the legal advisor plans to respond, I've marked my observations in blue in your above post quote.

I'm no solicitor and just write in everyday language. But my comments might help you focus your thoughts when you discuss the response content with your legal advisor. This is just my thoughts, for what they are worth. You will recall words and incidents to note that will disprove your mother's fantasy story to her solicitor.

I guess your legal advisor might say just " Thank you for your interest but your request is declined".
It will be interesting to hear what the legal advice is.

Don't let this upset your Christmas. Sadly I think this will run on well after Christmas until the restraining order is in place. Even then your mother may decide to punish you by investing in lots of legal challenges. Her aim will be to try to screw with your head and keep you permanently stressed so she can grind you down. She's savvy enough to know she won't be able to get legal access.

I don't want to be alarmist but do continue to be vigilant in case your mother and sister decide they have nothing to lose and try to accost you on the street. Desperate people do desperate things. If you see them, walk away and don't answer them. Call the police if necessary.

theoretica

Dimey wrote: »

I guess your legal advisor might say just " Thank you for your interest but your request is declined".
It will be interesting to hear what the legal advice is.

I suspect that will be the way it goes - with perhaps 'please remind your client that grandparents have no rights and explain to her the possible repercussions to herself of further attempts to contact Wiggy, directly or indirectly, when she has already been warned about harassment'.

Ballabriggs

Dimey wrote: »

I guess your legal advisor might say just " Thank you for your interest but your request is declined".
It will be interesting to hear what the legal advice is.

I agree with this point. I think a letter from your legal rep saying 'thanks but no thanks' will be the next step. Just remember a solicitor cannot compel you to do anything only a court can do that and since your mum has no legal footing to stand on, especially now there are police reports for harassment, then she has no case.

Also the longer this goes on the so called 'meaningful contact' theory put forward in the letter fades into the background. If she pushes this to go to court, which I don't think she will, but if she does considering how slow the legal system is it could be well over a year since she has seen wiglet and given how young he is it would be difficult to argue this point. In fact, the longer it goes on the more disruptive and unsettling it would be for wiglet to go to someone who will become a stranger. Also you could suggest to the court that those are the days that wiglet spends with his dad and therefore it would be disrupting parental access! It would be detrimental to the stability of the child to spend time in three different households. Put that in your pipe and smoke it granny! There's no way a court would over ride the parental rights of a father in favour of a grandmother. Check and mate I think!! I bet wiggy's dad would love to turn up and testify how it was wiggy's mum who prevented him from seeing his son, lets see how long her self proclaimed image of doting grandmother lasts then!

I was also thinking that maybe this is a positive sign. Given that she has gone to a solicitor it now turns into a war of letters, which whilst unpleasant is better than her turning up on your doorstep. She has been warned by the police and therefore any direct action would result in her being arrested. I think it's a win-win situation for wiggy. All she has to do is play it cool. Respond through your legal rep with a 'no thanks' letter and then any direct agro call the police. Either way the mother has no chance of getting anywhere.

I know we've been down this route before but I really seriously think that you should look into moving if possible. A fresh start in a new undisclosed address and a switch over to a new mobile phone would cut contact for good. Wiggy I know you said you've given out your current number to all your important contacts but you could do a gradual switch over to ensure they still have your contact details. It would give you guaranteed peace of mind.

I would pass this letter on to your legal aid rep and then file it away somewhere. I would also be smiling because it vindicates the position that you have nothing to worry about. There is no legal basis for her demands just a request written on a very expensive bit of paper!