No toys or blankets in allowed in cot as they can cause cot deaths?

Icey77

My daughter is 19 months old and now she has a couple of Megablock bricks and a book in her cot. I hear her playing with the mega blocks once she's in bed and winding down to sleep.

But, until she was about 9-10 months old she didn't have anything. She has "air flow" bumpers so that if she got smooched up against them she could still breathe but they don't provide an aid to escape when she was older.

Until they are about 6 months old SIDS is a very real threat and should be treatded with caution, once babies are a little older and can roll over with out getting stuck and even sit up by themselves there is less of a threat.

hawk30

I have to say that you come across as quite critical. It is very hard being a first time mum. I should know - I'm going through it right now. I am sick of family telling me, not once but repeatedly, that baby should be in her own room, that she can be left to scream, that she should be weaned at 4 months, that I shouldn't feed on demand, etc, all against current guidance. If it makes me an anxious mum to follow guidelines, so be it!

Bennifred

'Twas ever thus!

thorsoak

Sending you {{hugs}} hawk30 - I can remember how upset I was when my baby wouldn't follow the book! Just do what is best for your baby and you - first time mums throughout history and the world all feel the same as you do now. But you will manage to sort out what suits you and your baby.

shinytoaster

My son is four and a half months old and sleeps in a grobag. I use crocheted blankets made by myself and friends in his pram or for when we have cuddle time on the sofa.

Is she a first time mum? I am and I follow the safe sleeping guidelines to the letter as you can't help but worry and fret about the unknown. It comes with the territory I'm afraid. However, I do crochet things for him.

shinytoaster

Toto wrote: »

I'm sure you haven't made comment about their parenting but I'd bet my life savings that they know you disapprove of some of their choices. Ultimately this is going to cause more stress that the perception you have that they are trying to be perfect.

This may come across as being harsh but I think you need to back off and accept that they are raising their child in the way that they deem to be correct. It may seem alien to you but times and advice do change and often the hardest battle the new parents have is getting the rest of the family to let go of 'how things were when you were babies' attitude.

I can not tell you how many new mums I've seen in tears because their families won't comply with the current evidence based advice given regarding SIDS. We tell parents that overheating has been shown to be a significant contributor to SIDS and that we no longer advise bundling babies up in 20 layers and putting hats on them indoors etc. The parents try to implement this but every time their back is turned granny is putting an extra blanket on baby because his hands are a bit cold (usually because of immature circulation not due to temperature).

Why not talk to your daughter in law with a genuine interest to learn about why she is doing some of the things that you didn't do? What is the current advice? What has she read? perhaps you could read it too so you understand and can help to raise her children in the way that her and your son choose to. It might help.

I agree a million times over! It's really hard being a mum and I have had to force myself not to listen when told what to do by well meaning friends/relatives.

Person_one

thorsoak wrote: »

Sending you {{hugs}} hawk30 - I can remember how upset I was when my baby wouldn't follow the book! Just do what is best for your baby and you - first time mums throughout history and the world all feel the same as you do now. But you will manage to sort out what suits you and your baby.

Sounds like its other adults refusing to follow the guidelines, not the baby!

usignuolo

I have not made a single critical comment, not one, to them about their parenting. I did not know the grand daughter was only supposed to watch ten minutes tv each day because they did not tell me. I can hardly have been pressurising them because my visit to NY last week was the first time I have seen them in 10 months.

We hear very little about the baby, not me or her own mother either, although they have Skype, because we are both told they are too busy looking after her to have time to come on line or email us. (Her mother is also in another country.)

I should point out my grand daughter is 20 months old, not 6 months, and still not allowed any toys or blankets in her cot. I did not make any comment at all about this and certainly did not try to sneak in anything. My point is all the "official" guidance on how to raise the perfect child is I think unnecessarily pressurising young mothers as there is more than one good way to raise a child.

I would put in a word for grandparents to be allowed to indulge their grandchildren a bit. Some of the comments here seem as though you are very reluctant to allow them to get any pleasure from their grandchildren, if it means spoiling them a bit, which is rather sad.

dizziblonde

I made the decision to look at the guidelines and decide what worked best for us. As a newborn we had nothing but one bear in the cot, right at the top well away from where the baby was sleeping. Over the summer really hot spell when it was too hot for sleeping bags and the baby was starting to do the spinning around thing I put a bumper at the bottom end of the cot for a while to stop the legs getting wedged in the bars 3am howl of indignation - did so knowing the risks and making a calculated decision that it was a short term solution.

Now the younger one has a fair few toys in there at 7 months - I'll take them out if she starts to show signs of standing on them to climb on... again - decisions I've taken weighing up the pros and cons for myself. Her older sister goes to sleep with a pile of books to look at, and regularly goes to sleep with books on her head (apparently the Gruffalo is most conducive to a good night's sleep) - but it's a result of us having felt our way and decided what works best for us - not anyone else.

Yep I use sleeping bags because they're easier when you've got wrigglers - I still have nice handmade blankets for on the pushchair when it's cold and stuff gets used in that way instead.

I may actually manage to finish crocheting the blanket I started for my youngest at some point before the end of this winter if I'm lucky!

thorsoak

Person_one wrote: »

Sounds like its other adults refusing to follow the guidelines, not the baby!

Maybe I didn't make myself clear ......I tried to do things by the book (Dr Spock) - and of course, baby hadn't read the book, and things didn't always go the way the book said! That was when I'd get advice from my mother and mother in law! I did try to read the current books when grandchildren were babies, and only offer advice that worked for me.

It seems as if grandparents are getting a whipping on this thread - and its sad. A lot of my friends have given up work/taken early retirement to take over child minding (rearing) for their children, making the financial sacrifices that go with this and yet get very little acknowledgement of how much it helps their offsprings' financial life.