Child access - county court - what to expect?

silkyuk9

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

and if he does what Person One suggests it will put him in a positive light by the Judge too

Thanks for that from both of you its not something ive though about to be honest but will discuss this with son and get some legal advise on this, at £160 per hour I have to get my minutes in.

silkyuk9

btw can we do this online (CSA)

Person_one

silkyuk9 wrote: »

btw can we do this online (CSA)

Click on the link, or better yet forward it to your son.

Ms_Chocaholic

https://www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/contact/index.asp

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/overview

If it were me, I wouldn't be discussing this with the solicitor, he'll only charge you. We all agree that maintenance is something that needs to be paid that your son can sort himself.

FBaby

You seem to have a lot of influence on your son, telling him what to do, which he seems to follow to the letter. Surely now that he is a family man, it is time that he makes decisions and choices on his own accord.

I too sympathise with him, but I really don't think he has helped his case and the way it is coming across now is that things have to be on his terms, ie. he will support his child when he starts the job that he wants. If I was the pwc, I would feel very frustrated. Whatever caused the separation, he has chosen to leave his responsibilities and put his choice of career ahead of supporting his child and making access easier.

I really hope it can all get sorted, but i get the feeling that things are very one sided, with the son having done no wrong and the ex being a selfish and vindictive mother. I think the more you and your wife interfere in this matter, the more likely the ex will take a defensive stance.

silkyuk9

FBaby wrote: »

You seem to have a lot of influence on your son, telling him what to do, which he seems to follow to the letter. Surely now that he is a family man, it is time that he makes decisions and choices on his own accord.

I too sympathise with him, but I really don't think he has helped his case and the way it is coming across now is that things have to be on his terms, ie. he will support his child when he starts the job that he wants. If I was the pwc, I would feel very frustrated. Whatever caused the separation, he has chosen to leave his responsibilities and put his choice of career ahead of supporting his child and making access easier.

I really hope it can all get sorted, but i get the feeling that things are very one sided, with the son having done no wrong and the ex being a selfish and vindictive mother. I think the more you and your wife interfere in this matter, the more likely the ex will take a defensive stance.

I think the ex is angry and believes revenge is sweet, but not thinking of the consequences of her actions as this is costing lots of money which could be better spent elsewhere such as nursery fees for example. My son is not perfect and would not stand here and say that, but he has been shafted by a family who initially started a lot of trouble and some if it is shocking to the core, as ive said one day I will tell you the full account and believe me you will be disgusted how someone has been treat.

Regarding influence on my son. Im not sure thats true, My son is my best friend. I am a true Yorkshire man who believes the word 'family' means something. I would stand by my son till the end of the world. I have another kid too and would stand up for her to the end of the world also, have done on occasions to fight for them in matters that they cannot deal with. Have received lots of help and advice on here in issues regarding my daughter and fought on with that advice and won battles that would have been lost without free help on this board. No one will shaft my kids, you have to get up early in a morning to get one over on me. I have had tragedy and loss in my life where people have not helped so believe me if I can support my kids I will. I give lots of advice to my kids and im sure all parents do but do most kids take your advice? No they do not until they realize its too late.

We all do right and wrong im not perfect but im not a back stabber in the workplace and will help people when I can. Thats the way I am. Losing someone very special makes you this way.

LannieDuck

silkyuk9 wrote: »

how can my son give money, all communication has been ended by the ex, there is no contact. He has a few quid to give his son but what can he do?

As said above, you can go through the CSA.

Alternatively, I would try the same routes of communication that have previously been ignored, using the title "I want to pay you child maintenance" or some such. I would be very surprised if she continued to ignore.

If he has her parents' phone number, I can't imagine they'd refuse to speak to him if he's offering to support his children.

If all else fails, he could put some money in an envelope through her door with a note (although he wouldn't have the same protections as if he went through the CSA).

lostinrates

silkyuk9 wrote: »

I think the ex is angry and believes revenge is sweet, but not thinking of the consequences of her actions as this is costing lots of money which could be better spent elsewhere such as nursery fees for example. My son is not perfect and would not stand here and say that, but he has been shafted by a family who initially started a lot of trouble and some if it is shocking to the core, as ive said one day I will tell you the full account and believe me you will be disgusted how someone has been treat.

Regarding influence on my son. Im not sure thats true, My son is my best friend. I am a true Yorkshire man who believes the word 'family' means something. I would stand by my son till the end of the world. I have another kid too and would stand up for her to the end of the world also, have done on occasions to fight for them in matters that they cannot deal with. Have received lots of help and advice on here in issues regarding my daughter and fought on with that advice and won battles that would have been lost without free help on this board. No one will shaft my kids, you have to get up early in a morning to get one over on me. I have had tragedy and loss in my life where people have not helped so believe me if I can support my kids I will. I give lots of advice to my kids and im sure all parents do but do most kids take your advice? No they do not until they realize its too late.

We all do right and wrong im not perfect but im not a back stabber in the workplace and will help people when I can. Thats the way I am. Losing someone very special makes you this way.

All this is well and good, but you talk about family and standing by your children and not having any one shaft them, yet your son is failing to do the same.

DeeWren

Silkyuk9, I'm so sorry to hear about the battle you are having between your son and his ex over their child. As has been said on this forum it isn't really your decision, it is between your son and his ex, but as a parent don't we always feel the hurt our children are going through and we try and do what we can? My son is also having relationship issues, but thank the Lord and all that's Holy, child access is not a problem at the moment, but it could happen couldn't it? Hopefully I'm just thinking the worst, but if we couldn't see our grandaughter as often as we do I'd find it unbearable, she's our little star, the light of our lives. However, if we had to forego seeing her, but her father saw her often then I could live with that, not comfortably, but I think I could cope.

Good luck to you and I wish you all the best. I can't understand why families just can't get on in the best interests of the children. I thought that was how it was supposed to be?

FBaby

but not thinking of the consequences of her actions as this is costing lots of money which could be better spent elsewhere such as nursery fees for example.

But it shouldn't be you spending money on anything. Your son should be fighting his own battles. Maybe if he hadn't given up his job and moved, maybe if he had kept his job, paid maintenance from the start and agreed to see his child once a week, you wouldn't be wasting money either.

I think it is wonderful that you are supporting your children. I would do the same, but sometimes we do more damage by being there for them than letting fight their own battles and I get the feeling that this is the case in your situation. Your son is now a father himself and HE should be doing the fighting alone and put his son's needs before his own. It is hard to let your children go, especially when they are at their most vulnerable, but fighting their battles for them is not going to make things better long term.