Child access - county court - what to expect?

FBaby

yes im sorry yes you are confused

Then maybe you could elaborate. You say that she lives 150 miles away from you, that he used to work when together but it was 150 miles away, so had to quit. Are you saying that she is the one who moved?

You also say in one post that he couldn't go there to visit because it wouldn't be reasonable for an hour or two, and say that the child used to come to yours for a week, so can't see why this couldn't happen again, but then say that your son would do anything including going there to see his son in a contact centre.

FBaby

Im just a struggling grandparent who has lost his little soul and smiley face. I just love him so much.

I think this is what it comes down to. However heartbreaking it must mean, this is about your son's contact with his child, not yours.

silkyuk9

FBaby wrote: »

I think this is what it comes down to. However heartbreaking it must mean, this is about your son's contact with his child, not yours.

Yes I understand that and appreciate what you are saying.

let me just recap.

son worked down south for a period of time, he was based down there. (150 miles from home), met a girl, she got pregnant after several months, they got a rented house again down south where she lived and moved in together. Baby born, things fine, but cracks begin to show after maybe 2 or 3 months after baby was born. After a few years together now baby 16 months the split, mutually. Things still fine for another few weeks then I suspect, and can only say suspect that ex thinks son has a new woman, not true. Then BOOM! all communication ends, nothing. Son now so upset and distressed seeks legal advice. letter issued to ex for suggested mediation, letter ignored. So now solicitor starts court proceedings. In the mean time son now at home as job was obviously 150 miles away, so had to quit as cant drive 150 miles each day to work, however, new job in pipeline and hopefully should start in around 1 month (hopefully) Son will be happy to have contact 150 miles away in contact centre if this is the case, however if ex is fine in court and she lets child come to our home for a few days at a time then great.

While together child has been to ours for a week at a time maybe 1 month apart, obviously this helped with child care costs as both had jobs. (child care £50 per day) Myself and wife went to stay at theres and look after child whil again they were at work, maybe stay there 3 or 4 days (me or wife stayed over not at same time)

I know its about my son and he also dearly misses his son. So i know its about him ex and child. This does not take trhe feeling of loss away from us though. myself and my wife both feel like we are mourning a loss, we have feelings too. The child has had a very good 15 months but unfortunately 2 adults have fallen out of love and decided its best to go seperate ways. But things suddenly went BOOM! and now all this upset.

I hope that clears up the story.

cte1111

Why didn't your son find somewhere to live where his son and job were? You keep saying 'obviously' he had to give up his job, I can't see that it's obvious at all.

CH27

silkyuk9 wrote: »

Yes I understand that and appreciate what you are saying.

let me just recap.

son worked down south for a period of time, he was based down there. (150 miles from home), met a girl, she got pregnant after several months, they got a rented house again down south where she lived and moved in together. Baby born, things fine, but cracks begin to show after maybe 2 or 3 months after baby was born. After a few years together now baby 16 months the split, mutually. Things still fine for another few weeks then I suspect, and can only say suspect that ex thinks son has a new woman, not true. Then BOOM! all communication ends, nothing. Son now so upset and distressed seeks legal advice. letter issued to ex for suggested mediation, letter ignored. So now solicitor starts court proceedings. In the mean time son now at home as job was obviously 150 miles away, so had to quit as cant drive 150 miles each day to work, however, new job in pipeline and hopefully should start in around 1 month (hopefully) Son will be happy to have contact 150 miles away in contact centre if this is the case, however if ex is fine in court and she lets child come to our home for a few days at a time then great.

While together child has been to ours for a week at a time maybe 1 month apart, obviously this helped with child care costs as both had jobs. (child care £50 per day) Myself and wife went to stay at theres and look after child whil again they were at work, maybe stay there 3 or 4 days (me or wife stayed over not at same time)

I know its about my son and he also dearly misses his son. So i know its about him ex and child. This does not take trhe feeling of loss away from us though. myself and my wife both feel like we are mourning a loss, we have feelings too. The child has had a very good 15 months but unfortunately 2 adults have fallen out of love and decided its best to go seperate ways. But things suddenly went BOOM! and now all this upset.

I hope that clears up the story.

Why couldn't he have rented somewhere near his job to help maintain regular contact with his son?

FBaby

The problem is such circumstances is that there is always more to it than what is told. However close you are to your son, there is a high probability that he is not telling you everything. Maybe they are had separated temporarily with the understanding (at least on her part) that they were still i a relationship? Or maybe it had nothing to do with this other girl but maybe she offered him to have access locally but he insisted that he took the baby with him back to yours and she said no.
You did start the thread hinting that the contact you (your son) wanted was at your house.

It is quite likely, if she plays it well, that the judge will insist on contact but locally. He left when he didn't have to, so it is his problem if he can't see his child regularly where he is and refuse him taking the child away for up to a week. If this is true, is it really worth going to court? Wouldn't they be better off going to mediation and work out some arrangement locally. It won't be nice for your son, he might have to pay to stay in a hotel, but if he does this regularly, then maybe she will come to the agreement that he can take him away for longer.

To be fair, from her perspective, taking away the issue of the other girl, they agreed to separate, but he gives up his job and moves back to yours, meaning that he takes himself away from his son AND can't help supporting his child. That doesn't look too good in terms of showing his being responsible.

I really thing mediation would be more likely to result in a better outcome for everyone in this instance.

silkyuk9

FBaby wrote: »

The problem is such circumstances is that there is always more to it than what is told. However close you are to your son, there is a high probability that he is not telling you everything. Maybe they are had separated temporarily with the understanding (at least on her part) that they were still i a relationship? Or maybe it had nothing to do with this other girl but maybe she offered him to have access locally but he insisted that he took the baby with him back to yours and she said no.
You did start the thread hinting that the contact you (your son) wanted was at your house.

It is quite likely, if she plays it well, that the judge will insist on contact but locally. He left when he didn't have to, so it is his problem if he can't see his child regularly where he is and refuse him taking the child away for up to a week. If this is true, is it really worth going to court? Wouldn't they be better off going to mediation and work out some arrangement locally. It won't be nice for your son, he might have to pay to stay in a hotel, but if he does this regularly, then maybe she will come to the agreement that he can take him away for longer.

To be fair, from her perspective, taking away the issue of the other girl, they agreed to separate, but he gives up his job and moves back to yours, meaning that he takes himself away from his son AND can't help supporting his child. That doesn't look too good in terms of showing his being responsible.

I really thing mediation would be more likely to result in a better outcome for everyone in this instance.

I totally agree with you regarding mediation, this is the best option. As you say there are other factors and yes my son tells me everything.

Unfortunately no hes not paid any money as he has none. However we as a family have given thousands of pounds this year to support them. This money would still be given to support if we were not spending hundreds on legal costs. This is a waste of money. The mediation letter was ignored lets not forget.

Of course there are some other circumstances, but the initial question was regarding what happens in court and whether I should take a solicitor that again will proberly cost up to £1000 for a day out. This money again could help with nursery fees and the things the little lad needs rather than putting down a drain like this in fees.

The 2 have split permanently, there were other pressures and some mud slinging but at the end of the day the child was very well looked after. Unfortunately in some splits some one gets angry and decides to take it out on the people who have helped the most. Those people who have been there for them and given support in all areas,where some other family members have given nothing and made life difficult in other areas. Of course there is a wider spectrum, but the whole question was regarding the court and procedures, and whether I could save money (which I havent got) to support our son who has fallen on his !!!! in this split. (you could say taken to the cleaners)

Mediation is the best option and yes my son does not have his own home but has a good support network around him who has supported the little family when others turned their backs. My son is prepared to go to contact centres if necessary if that means travelling 150 miles. That is not an issue. He is prepared to have 1 hour a week if thats the case until a relationship can be formed for longer access, and weekend access etc. Hopefully his work will soon begin in around 3 or 4 weeks time depending on circumstances. He has an appointment tomorrow with JSA to hopefully again get him some money to tie him over and pay debts that have been incurred over the last few years, if this is a case where he can give £20 to the child,but saying that we and further generations of our family where giving lots of money each month until the split, so we have done our bit to support them when others have not helped at all. This is where the cracks began, all one way traffic and snubs.

Its a sad story which I hope can be sorted shortly so we all can have a cuddle and give the child the best upbringing we possibly can. Should i be giving money each month but still be ignored? Should further generations of our family still be giving money to be ignored? Believe me I have taken money off my mortgage to help when times have been tough.

Plus how can my son give any money when he has no contact, no telephone etc etc,

LannieDuck

The money and the access are two completely separate issues, except that it won't look good to a judge if your son isn't paying maintenance.

I don't think the money you give to them each month is legally relevant. It doesn't 'buy' you access. It might help to make the ex more amenable to staying in contact with you, but that will depend on her personality. I don't think I'd want to go down this route (of paying ex to ensure she stays sweet), personally. I would limit myself to buying presents for the child, and ensuring son could pay his CSA.

Speaking of which, he should be proactive in setting up CSA payments as soon as he gets his JSA. Best to go through the CSA, otherwise ex can come back later and claim he hasn't been paying maintenance it'll be he-said-she-said.

I'll bet ex responds to his contact if he asks for information to help set up maintenance payments. If not, could your son not pop a note through her letterbox to that effect?

Is son getting a new job close to your house? I agree with the others - this seems totally upside down. He should have rented a place close to his son and kept his job. Then he could have been supporting his child and would have somewhere for child to visit for access. As it is, he'll have to travel 150 miles and get a hotel room every time he wants to see his son. I don't understand the logic at all.

lostinrates

[QUOTE=silkyuk9;63611807

Plus how can my son give any money when he has no contact, no telephone etc etc,[/QUOTE]

Did he really have a relationship and a child with a woman and not have her bank account details? Have they never paid money into each others accounts throughout their relationship?

The bonus of doing things that way is it could be set up as a payment on same date, referenced, highlighted and shown as being money she could rely on and him being dependable, steadfast and honourable. And the payments be traceable.


Your involvement in this and the repeated failure to understand your money and right to access is not automatic and that while no money is being given your son's ex partner is supporting the child alone and (whether justifiably or not) giving more fuel for her resentment and whatever other ills in the realtionship is regretable.

Why did your son give up his job and leave the area?

CH27

lostinrates wrote: »

Did he really have a relationship and a child with a woman and not have her bank account details? Have they never paid money into each others accounts throughout their relationship?

The bonus of doing things that way is it could be set up as a payment on same date, referenced, highlighted and shown as being money she could rely on and him being dependable, steadfast and honourable. And the payments be traceable.


Your involvement in this and the repeated failure to understand your money and right to access is not automatic and that while no money is being given your son's ex partner is supporting the child alone and (whether justifiably or not) giving more fuel for her resentment and whatever other ills in the realtionship is regretable.

Why did your son give up his job and leave the area?

OP doesn't seem to want to answer this as a couple of us have asked it.