Child access - county court - what to expect?

silkyuk9

FBaby wrote: »

Is it about YOU gaining access or your son? Your making it more about you than him, many 'we' rather than 'him'. Does he have no access at all? What is it that the mother is refusing? That he comes a week at a time? How will you feel if access is granted, but your son is expect to go there to see his child? Does he work? Does he pay maintenance? Only asking because it can be expected she comes up with a number of reason why she thinks whatever you want is unacceptable. He needs to be prepared to challenge these reasons.

We all want to see the child. My son wants access thats reasonable. As they no longer live together and both families have fallen out it would be impossible for my son to go 150 miles to have his son for a hour or 2. Where would they go? You cant go roaming the streets with a child.

When they were a family we had the child on occasions at our home. Maybe for a week at a time on at least every month. Often we (grandparents) would go down to their house and stay a few days to look after him while they both were at work.

I think reasonable is for one, communication with each other rather than cutting off all contact, no phones etc etc. My son could ring his ex and say, my mum and dad are off of such a date can we have the little un for a week on the etc etc. Or call his ex and say, he is off for a few days can I have him for a couple of days on date etc etc, go collect him and take him home on the dates that was arranged. As there is no communication we (grandparents) cannot even ask how he is doing as there is no communication. I think reasonable is for us (grandparents) to call ex and say can we come down for the day and take him out and at least have shelter in your home, either while you are at work or not.

This has worked fine for a year and 3 months. No problems, but now the falling out and its effected more than son and ex. Everyone is getting involved in a sorry and upsetting time.

lindsaygalaxy

Okay, there are a few points from what you have said.

1. The court will only gramt your son access - not you.
2. With the child being so young, they may very well say that he has to travel down to see his son for a few hours/ the day as with that distance 1 night would be a lot of travelling. He can easily take him to a play centre/ for lunch/ day trip out etc.
3. I don't know the reasons for the fall out, but if you can all make up that would be best. Maybe suggest meeting to discuss things. Too many emotions are running high and not thinking about the child - though I have to say I think a week away at a time for a young child is a long time.

silkyuk9

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Okay, there are a few points from what you have said.

1. The court will only gramt your son access - not you.
2. With the child being so young, they may very well say that he has to travel down to see his son for a few hours/ the day as with that distance 1 night would be a lot of travelling. He can easily take him to a play centre/ for lunch/ day trip out etc.
3. I don't know the reasons for the fall out, but if you can all make up that would be best. Maybe suggest meeting to discuss things. Too many emotions are running high and not thinking about the child - though I have to say I think a week away at a time for a young child is a long time.

a week away is too long, with his father and grand parents? at the grand parents home. Even though this was the 'norm' only 6 weeks ago?

Seanymph

If your son is refusing to travel to see him 'only for a few hours' then to me that doesn't look so good on your son - I think this is about you and your contact not your son's keenness to see his child.

Yes, it is unreasonable for you to expect 'shelter' at her home - completely unreasonable. Neither you, nor your son now live there, it is however her home, and her place of safety.

And things may have changed for the child over the last few months - he or she may no longer want to come and stay with you, and the mother is best placed to guage that.

Sometimes taking things to court causes more problems - and perhaps if you stepped back and weren't pushing your agenda and let your son sort it out with the mother of his child to start by HIM seeing the child then it may all work out better long term.

I know that if my ex had dragged me through the courts to keep his mother happy we wouldn't even be on the reasonable terms we are! He'd have had a battle royale for the entire childhood of his girls! It isn't about you - it's about the child. And what the child is happy with and wants.

lindsaygalaxy

That is my opinion - I didn't say it was right or wrong. I have/ am however going through the court process and with the length of time that this will all take I would expect the mother to argue that the child no longer should be going for that length of time at her age. After all, this is about your son having his child for a week - not the grandparents. If he is to have the child for a week the court will expect him to have the child - not go to work and leave her with you all week.

This could all work out well if you can sort it out of court - but courts can make it into a battle ground.

Poppie68

I too think you are expecting too much as grandparents in this situation. This is for your son to sort and he is the only one who should be seeking contact at the moment.
You say yourself you have'nt seen your grandchild for a time so i think your expecting the mother to agree to send a child so young over 100 miles away for a week at a time is outragous, it does'nt matter if that happened previously things have changed. Also the idea of her allowing you 'shelter' is absurd as that is her home and you should'nt expect to be allowed to intrude on her life and home.

Your son needs to either make an effort and travel on his own to see the mother and child to sort it or go to court on his own, but be warned the likelyhood of him being allowed to take the child for a week at a time is very low as the welfare of the child is the courts main priority and at the age the child is contact could be limited to just a few hours at a weekend and no overnight stays at all.
Your son could maybe asked to make the journey every weekend or he could make the choice take up employment in the same town.

silkyuk9

Poppie68 wrote: »

I too think you are expecting too much as grandparents in this situation. This is for your son to sort and he is the only one who should be seeking contact at the moment.
You say yourself you have'nt seen your grandchild for a time so i think your expecting the mother to agree to send a child so young over 100 miles away for a week at a time is outragous, it does'nt matter if that happened previously things have changed. Also the idea of her allowing you 'shelter' is absurd as that is her home and you should'nt expect to be allowed to intrude on her life and home.

Your son needs to either make an effort and travel on his own to see the mother and child to sort it or go to court on his own, but be warned the likelyhood of him being allowed to take the child for a week at a time is very low as the welfare of the child is the courts main priority and at the age the child is contact could be limited to just a few hours at a weekend and no overnight stays at all.
Your son could maybe asked to make the journey every weekend or he could make the choice take up employment in the same town.

I think you misunderstand. When i say 'shelter' im not expecting to stay over. I mean if as grandparents we could visit the child but go to the house and visit.

Also my son has no issues with travelling 150 miles to see his son, he would walk 150 miles if he had to. If that meant he would have to go to a contact centre so be it. I am not suggesting for one minute that my son is taking a back seat here. My son is bloody distraught. Also im the member on MSE and not my son so im enquiring about the courts etc. Yes both myself and my wife dearly miss our grandchild and im not joking when I say we cry most nights thinking about him and he is our only grandchild. I know things will never be the same again as it was around 6 weeks ago when everything was fine, but yes the relationship was going downhill. We have this little lad in the middle of a relationship fallout and just want the best for him. We after all are paying the solicitor fees here and this money in my opinion is wasted money that our grandchild could do with.

All i want is that my son gets his access as he desperatley wants and for us to see our grandchild, if that means through contact centres to begin with so be it.

thorsoak

The thing is, nothing that you say here or in court, about what you and your wife desire and wish, will make one whit of difference to the Court.

They will only look at what is best for the child and both of his parents - where your son lives will have little if any impact on any court's decision.

I trust that your son is paying regular and consistent maintenance.

FBaby

6 weeks is little time (although very tough when you miss someone dearly). The priority is for your son to work out contact that suits him and her and of course your grand son first. You come afterwards. Your contact with the child is whatever contact you can get when the child is with your son.

Hopefully, if your son and his ex can manage to make it work for themselves and find some stability with whatever arrangement, then you might be able to step in and get some time yourself with your grand child.

At the moment, the priority is for your son and his child to have contact with each other.

lindsaygalaxy

I can see that you dearly love your grandchild. Do not give up hope, it has been a very short time and time really can be a great healer. If you and your son want to get back to seeing the grandchild sooner rather than later, for now at least, go along with the mother. Try talking to her and follow her wishes, even if its for a brief visit in a coffee shop.