Is he being kind or deceitful?

FBaby

Doesnt anyone on here think he may just be too kind/caring?

Very little chance I'm afraid There are very few people who would happily send money each month to someone they have no contact with at all just because they're just nice. They are even fewer such person who would do so yet keep their new partner a secret.

You say you are 99% certain he doesn't have a child? Based on what else than the fact that if he did he would want a relationship with the child? Because he might want this, but that child, most likely a teenager now might not want it back.

I'm sorry OP but nothing about what you've written sounds sincere on his part, just a lot of lies and relying on your innocence and kind spirit to buy it all and not investigate further.

Emoticon

paulineb wrote: »

No

Hes taking the !!!!. If he wanted to be with you and out you as his gf he would.

No matter how good the sex is or how much you like him, hes playing you both. I wonder what hes telling her when he speaks to her, probably a load of bull

Stop seeing him or speaking to him until he sorts this mess out and if he wont, you are better off without him.

He says that she is so busy telling him all her problems that she never asks him about how he is nor seem to take any interest in his life at all.
He tells me how wonderful he thinks I am and how much he values my support and affection.....but words are easy arent they?

I thought he was unusual in his support and financing her after all these years........Its very revealing that no-one on here has yet opined that he might just be a genuine kind guy......

Hmmmmm

FBaby

Oh and how can he be certain that SHE is not in a romantic relationship? Or is it a case of she can but he can't?

paulineb_2

Emoticon wrote: »

He says that she is so busy telling him all her problems that she never asks him about how he is nor seem to take any interest in his life at all.
He tells me how wonderful he thinks I am and how much he values my support and affection.....but words are easy arent they?

I thought he was unusual in his support and financing her after all these years........Its very revealing that no-one on here has yet opined that he might just be a genuine kind guy......

Hmmmmm

He might be a genuine kind guy and you might even get away with him paying his ex cash if shes too ill to work

But how much kindness is he showing you. Nil. You dont exist as far as his family are concerned

And the future? You really want a future with someone who throws several hundred pounds away on someone else every month

If shes really that sick, she can claim benefits, ESA, DLA. And other people manage. Sorry but theres something really fishy about all of this.

Hes playing you, if he wont tell her and other people about you, hes clearly hiding something.

Person_one

Emoticon wrote: »

He says that she is so busy telling him all her problems that she never asks him about how he is nor seem to take any interest in his life at all.

If that was true, why wouldn't he answer her calls when you're in the room? Why does he do that?

bagpussbear

Emoticon wrote: »

Doesnt anyone on here think he may just be too kind/caring?

Sorry, but no.

If he is serious about moving things forward to you, he has to tell her. He is afraid of hurting her feelings/letting her down etc, but where is his care of you and your feelings?

It's such an unusual situation OP, that I guess most of us just see this as fishy.

dandelionclock30

I think he spinning you a right yarn OP. Its either his wife hes paying maintaince to or for paying her for his child. I wouldnt even be surprised if he lived with her and then was taking you to another house. Its not unknown for people to have 2 houses or to a mates house.

I think I'd be inclined to ask him to stop insulting my intelligence and tell him I kept seeing pigs flying past the window all the time.

You wont get the truth out of him, I'd get rid myself as I hate liars. One thing is for certain he is not a philanthropist.

Hermia

Emoticon wrote: »

I thought he was unusual in his support and financing her after all these years........Its very revealing that no-one on here has yet opined that he might just be a genuine kind guy......

Hmmmmm

I think if he was a genuinely kind guy he would have been more upfront about it and wouldn't hide phone calls from you.

Emoticon

*max* wrote: »

I was ready to give the benefit of the doubt, even though it sounded very dodgy, until you said his family don't know about you, and he hasn't met any of your family or friends.

In 3 years.

Honestly...:cool:

He sends money every month to this woman he "used to be in a relationship with" .
His place looks like a bachelor pad.
His family don't know about you.
He hasn't met your family nor your friends in 3 years.

I think he's been feeding you little morsels of truths to mask the giant lie!

Sorry? What is the giant lie????

If he is married...I think we can safely deduce he isnt.

I dont understand wy he would lie...what has he to gain by it?.
He knows that I am not prepared to see him again now.
The only possible explanantion that i think is likely now, is that he is a complete "Walter Mitty"
But I have enough information about him to trash his life quite frankly.....so what could he gain??

poet123

OP I am perhaps fortunate that I have never been badly treated by any man so usually I see good. And that may be the case here, there are genuinely kind men out there who would feel guilty about ending a relationship with someone who was too ill to have much of a life without them. So, I can see that, I can even see him not wanting to hurt her by telling her about you, but I really struggle with the fact that as your relationship deepened he did not introduce you to his family. Assuming he has a reasonable relationship with them.

It is a complex web and before you move forward you need to have a cards on the table talk. You need to know what the full relationship with Alice was and associated detail. You need to tell him that if you are to have a future together he has to make changes. He has to tell her about you, he has to tell his family and introduce you, and he has to be open about the conversations when he speaks to her.

With regard to the money you need to know if it is a forever commitment, or is there an end date in sight. When you have that info you can make a decision on whether you want to be with this man. And if you do you also need to make him a full part of your life by integrating him into your circle of friends.

I hope you get the answers you want, but for me, there are alarm bells ringing. I suspect she is his (perhaps ex) wife and that is why his family is being kept in the dark.